


Ready or Not

by nadiacreek



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, BDSM, Dom Kurt, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent, First Time, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Stranger Sex, Sub Blaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 06:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 54,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nadiacreek/pseuds/nadiacreek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine needs to find a dom to keep him healthy, but he ignores the signs of his oncoming Sickness. When things become desperate at the Sectionals competition, Kurt agrees to help, but the emotional consequences of their encounter are more than they ever expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: D/s universe, dub-con, secondhand embarrassment. There is a lot of thinking/talking about a potential Seblaine pairing, so if that pairing squicks you out too much to even think about, stay away.
> 
> For more information about the dub-con elements of this story, please see my blog post at: http://nadiacreek.tumblr.com/post/43005140247/ready-or-not-more-about-the-dubious-consent . Note that this post contains spoilers for the story, however. I strongly suggest just going with the flow of the story unless you are worried that something in here might be triggering for you.
> 
> Many thanks to my awesome betas, JudeAraya the whole way through, Podklb for chapters 3-7, and Lurkdusoleil starting with chapter 8.

Blaine woke up in his Dalton Academy dorm room two days before Sectionals with a dull ache in all his muscles. He also had the fiercest erection he’d ever experienced.

He kept these two facts carefully separate in his head.

He was coming down with something. The flu, maybe, or a twenty-four hour virus. Maybe it was food poisoning. He was never quite sure how long food had been left sitting out in Dalton’s dining hall. Could food poisoning make your muscles ache? Well, in any case, the flu definitely could.

As for the erection, that was just ordinary teenage hormones. He’d woken up hard before, hundreds of times. He was a sixteen year old boy. These things happened. It was not connected to the muscle aches at all. It couldn’t be. He wasn’t ready for it to be.

He wasn’t ready for his first Sickness.

Blaine thought about jerking off, but the idea of it was too much right now. Too close to thinking about actually having sex with another person, something that sounded great in theory but seemed terrifying when he thought about doing it for real. Instead, he forced himself out of bed and into a shower stall in the shared hall bathroom. He stripped down behind the locked stall door and stepped under the shower head. He let the cold water flow over him until his erection fled, then turned the water as hot as he could bear to try to ease the ache in his muscles.

He leaned his head back against the wall of the shower, eyes closed, breathing deeply to calm himself. He’d been over the options in his head a million times, worrying, knowing this would happen sooner or later. Nobody was absolutely certain they were a sub until their first Sickness came, but it was usually pretty obvious before then. Blaine had always felt the urge to please, to seek approval. For the past year, he had felt little tugs to obey whenever a dom gave an order, however mild. Blaine was as sure as anyone can ever be, that he was a sub.

And yet he hadn’t found a way to be prepared for it. He banged his head against the shower wall lightly, punishing himself for his stupidity. But what way out was there? He didn’t know any gay guys except Sebastian, and there was no way he was letting that creep dom him. The way Sebastian was always bragging about his conquests made Blaine shudder. The boy could not be trusted, and the chance of him having an STD were too high anyway, if half of what he bragged about was true. Blaine wanted to stay as far away from him as possible. Even if Sebastian’s calm orders, with his sideways glances to see whether Blaine would obey, made his heart race more than anything else ever had. It was just because Sebastian was gay and a dom, Blaine knew. It wasn’t anything particular about him. He hated the guy. Absolutely loathed him. No, Sebastian was not an option.

The only other option was to come out.

Blaine had come out at his old school. He’d gone to a dance with another boy, both of them innocent little fourteen-year-olds, and they’d been beaten senseless for it. So he’d left that school and come to Dalton, and had not yet had the courage to come out again. Not to anyone. Not a single person at the school knew. Sebastian suspected. He was always trying to draw it out of him. But Blaine had refused to confirm anything, and Sebastian at least had the decency not to talk about it in front of the other boys.

Blaine didn’t know any other gay guys, let alone gay doms, so the options were to ask Sebastian to dom him, or ask a straight person for help. Would any of them even know where to find a gay dom for him? Which of the other boys was likely to have a gay dom friend, or maybe an older brother or a cousin or something? Was one of his friends a closeted gay dom himself? He didn’t know.

He could go to the school nurse. That was probably what he should do. The responsible thing to do. She would know how to help, know who to call. She’d have connections at another school or a clinic, or know about another gay Dalton student who would discretely dom him, or _something_. But he barely knew the woman, and the thought of discussing something this personal with a straight woman he’d only ever interacted with to pick up packets of Tylenol and have his temperature checked that one time … it seemed impossible.

No. This was not his Sickness. He was feeling better already, from the soothing warm water of the shower. It was just a bit of a cold. He’d be fine. He had plenty of time to think of a better plan. Blaine shut the water off, grabbed his towel and headed back to his dorm room.

He did his best to ignore how quickly the achy feeling seeped back in as he put on his uniform. In two days, he would lead the Warblers to a glorious victory at Sectionals, and after that, he would concentrate on finding a way out of this dilemma.

\--------------------

Kurt walked into the choir room with the rest of New Directions and took a seat next to Rachel. Tensions had been somewhat high between them since he’d won the diva-off last week and been rewarded with the solo spot in their set list for Sectionals, but they were both trying to behave normally. Their friendship had constant ups and downs, and they’d surely survive this one the way they’d survived the others. Kurt shot a friendly smile at Rachel, and she smiled back.

Mr. Schuester stood in front of the room and rubbed his hands together. “I know this is last minute, and Sectionals is only two days away, but I’ve decided that the solo should go to Rachel, not Kurt. It’s a girl song, and even though Kurt sounds amazing on it, I don’t want the judges to be biased against us for having a boy singing a girl song.”

Kurt felt his blood stirring in an uncontrollable rage that seemed to come out of nowhere. He’d felt nothing like it before. He’d heard the same sentiment dozens of times, but he’d never reacted like this. He leapt to his feet before he even realized what was happening. “That’s insane!” he shouted. “I won that competition fair and square, and I should get to sing the solo! Fuck the goddamn judges, it’s mine!”

Everyone froze. Kurt felt the heat slowly ebb from his body. He looked around the room and found that he was the only student standing, surrounded by all his friends watching him with startled looks on their faces. His words echoed in his ears. He never swore.

His cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice raspy. “I don’t know what got into me.” He lowered himself slowly onto the chair.

“Hormones,” Puck stage-whispered. Lauren snorted and slapped at Puck playfully.

Kurt looked down at his hands. He wanted the floor to open and swallow him up. Rachel reached over and patted him on the leg reassuringly, but he wished she wouldn’t. He didn’t even want to be here right now, let alone touch anyone.

Mr. Schue cleared his throat. “Sorry Kurt, I understand you being upset about this. Next time we’ll find a song that’s more suited to you, I promise. Okay everyone, let’s go over the dance for the group number again, it’s more complicated than anything we’ve tried before and I want to make sure it’s perfect.”

Kurt took a deep breath, stood up, and took his place in the back row for the dance number. He was perfectly capable of controlling himself, hormones or not. Even when he was being treated unfairly. All he had to do was get through a couple more years, graduate from high school, and move on to New York where he would shine brighter than the brightest star and nobody would get in his way. He was in control of his destiny. He could do this.

\--------------------

Nobody noticed anything off about Blaine that day, but by the time he came back to his dorm room after dinner, he was exhausted from the effort of keeping himself upright and pulled together throughout the day. Warblers rehearsal had been torture, with Sebastian and Wes disagreeing over choreography and shouting out conflicting orders that pulled Blaine’s head in two directions at once. Still, he’d managed to maintain a calm exterior and avoided embarrassing himself in front of all of the guys.

He wondered idly if Wes might be bi-curious enough to help him out, but he pushed that idea away quickly. They were good friends, and Blaine didn’t want to ruin that. The idea wouldn’t have even occurred to him if he weren’t so completely exhausted from the day’s efforts. The clock on his bedside table only said 8:15, but Blaine let himself fall asleep anyway.

He woke up in a cold sweat the next morning, with another crazy erection.

Blaine groaned and rolled himself out of bed. He only had to make it through this day and the next one, through the Sectionals performance. He was invulnerable on stage, he could do anything up there, the adrenaline rush was so huge. He wasn’t worried about that. He was worried about sitting in class all day, about arguing with the Warblers, about the bus ride to the competition venue. He wasn’t worried about singing and dancing on stage. That part was easy.

He spent a very long time in the shower, trying to feel better and gather the courage for his day. At breakfast, he drank twice his usual amount of coffee.

Trent was the only one who noticed anything that day, asking him after Warblers rehearsal if everything was okay. Blaine had been uncommonly quiet, and had stepped through the dance moves with less than his usual vigor.

Blaine said he was just tired.

He considered going to the nurse’s office. If he had the flu, that was the place to go, wasn’t it? Maybe she could give him some medicine, just to keep him going.

He didn’t go, because he was afraid of what she would say. Of what he would have to tell her.

Blaine skipped dinner that night and slept fourteen hours. He woke up barely able to move, and with an erection that was impossible to ignore.

He slid his hand into his pajama pants and palmed himself through his underwear. He thanked the heavens, not for the first time, that Dalton’s dorms were all single-person rooms. He needed this release. He needed more, if he was going to be honest about it. He needed to be dominated. Another man to take control, tell him what to do, stimulate the chemicals his body couldn’t make on its own and bring him back to health. But maybe this, by himself, would be enough to let him last the day. He pushed his pants and underwear down and took himself in hand.

As a rule, Blaine tried not to think about anyone he knew personally when he jerked off. He ran through his usual list of hot celebrities in his mind, but he couldn’t keep his thoughts focused on any one of them. Eventually he found himself thinking of Sebastian. Not a sexual fantasy about Sebastian, not an image of his body. Blaine thought of Sebastian giving orders, ordinary ones, in the way that he did on a daily basis. “Switch places with Trent, the choreography will work better that way. Could you grab my jacket from the chair, I forgot it. Sing it a little bit slower, see how it works.” Blaine wanted to _obey_ , any order, no matter what it was. He’d do anything. He wanted to just surrender to it. He groaned, his hips rising off the bed in his excitement and need.

Would it be so horrible to go to Sebastian? He was … hot. Masculine. Dominant. He had the power to heal Blaine, and he would enjoy doing it, and Blaine would enjoy it too, wouldn’t he? While it was going on, at least. But afterward … Sebastian would be back to his smarmy self, if he’d even dropped it at all during sex. Blaine would be ashamed of himself, probably humiliated. Sebastian would never keep it a secret, he loved to brag too much. Bragging about someone all the other Warblers knew would be far too much of a temptation for him to resist. And then Blaine would be outed to the entire group, they’d all know he was gay, and that he had submitted himself to Sebastian of all people, and god knows what they’d think of him then. They seemed like his friends, but would they turn on him? Would he get hurt? Would he have to change schools yet again?

It was the same risk as just asking the Warblers if any of them knew anyone and coming out that way, except with the added humiliation of submitting to Sebastian. No. This was not a way out. It was nothing more than a fantasy. Just a fantasy. Just enough to get him through the day, please, please let it be enough.

_Please, please_ , Blaine imagined himself begging Sebastian.

The imaginary Sebastian stared at him coldly, owning. _Touch yourself. I want to watch_.

Blaine came into his own hand, gasping in relief.

He felt better as he came down from his orgasm. His limbs were fully under his control again. He stood up and walked to the bathroom with no problem. He could do this. Sectionals today, performing at two in the afternoon. He could make it that far. And whatever ended up happening after, whether it was Sebastian or an embarrassing trip to the nurse’s office, at least he’d have the performance done with. At least he wouldn’t be singing his solo in front of a group of boys who were laughing about him behind his back. That was all he could ask for.


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine felt pretty good after he showered and got dressed, but it didn’t last long. By the time he went to lunch in the dining hall, he was achy again and starting to feel a little bit dizzy.

“Come sit by me, Blaine,” Sebastian called as he approached the table with his tray.

“Okay,” Blaine said automatically. He sat in the empty chair beside Sebastian and set his tray on the table. Only when he looked up and saw Trent’s stunned face did he realize what he’d done. He never went anywhere near Sebastian voluntarily, and now he’d trapped himself right next to him for the entire meal. He’d done it without thinking, instinctively following the command given to him. He was an idiot. He would have to be more careful than this if he was going to make it through the day.

Sebastian was talking to him, but Blaine tuned out his voice and looked around the table instead. All the Warblers were there. Blaine looked carefully at each of them, moving from face to face. Could one of them be secretly gay? He thought about what he knew of them, the girls they’d dated, the girls they’d rejected, the way they acted at the socials and dances they were always having with the Crawford School girls. Wes had a girlfriend. David had a girlfriend. Trent had hooked up with a girl named Angela when he’d had his first Sickness a few months ago, and anyway he was a sub so that wasn’t helpful.

But there were others, boys he knew less well, boys he couldn’t remember seeing with a girl before. Maybe one of them could be gay. Blaine sighed. It was so easy for doms to hide their sexuality. They didn’t get sick the way subs did. They had urges to dominate, sexually and otherwise, but the urges were easy to control if the dom chose not to engage with the activity. Plenty of doms stayed virgins through high school and even longer, waiting until they felt really ready for sex and for taking care of another person in that way. But subs were trapped, forced by their biology to have sex at sixteen or seventeen years old whether they liked it or not. It was unfair. The whole world was unfair, and Blaine hated it.

If the world were fair, Blaine thought, he would have fallen in love with Daniel, the boy he’d gone to the dance with at his old school. They would have dated, innocently, for two years. And then when they were sixteen, when Blaine’s first Sickness hit, he would submit willingly and happily to his sweet, gentle boyfriend, who would have turned out to be a dom. If the world were fair, his first time would be romantic and beautiful. It wouldn’t be a choice between sex with someone he hated and sex with a stranger.

Blaine hadn’t spoken to Daniel since he transferred schools. He supposed it would be worse than awkward to call him now. And for all Blaine knew, he might be a sub too.

There were other boys at Dalton, of course, not just the Warblers. He glanced around the dining hall. Hundreds of boys, some he knew and some he didn’t, all dressed in the same uniform. Some of them must be gay or bi. Statistically, a lot of them must be. But his gaydar had failed him up to now, so why should he expect someone to magically leap out at him today?

Sebastian bumped against his shoulder, probably by accident, and goose bumps shivered their way up Blaine’s skin under his blazer and shirt. He jerked his body away quickly. Everyone was standing up, getting ready to leave. Blaine looked down at his plate. He’d barely touched his sandwich. He wasn’t really hungry anyway. He slipped his apple into his pocket to eat on the bus and grabbed a can of soda before following the rest of the Warblers out the door, his legs shaking.

Trent guided him to a window seat on the bus and quickly sat down next to him, blocking him in. He leaned close and hissed in a whisper. “Are you out of your mind, Blaine? What do you think you’re doing? Why haven’t you taken care of this yet?”

“I haven’t the slightest clue what you’re talking about,” Blaine said. He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes. Two more hours. He could do this. Just two more hours.

\--------------------

Kurt pulled focus, he couldn’t help it. That was just the way he was. He owned the stage, even from where Mr. Schue had stuck him in the back row. He felt the eyes on him. The cheers of the audience ran through his blood. He _owned_ this. New Directions was the first group to perform, and they already had the crowd on their feet.

After the dance number he stood backstage, breathing heavily, to watch Rachel sing the solo he should have had. He swallowed his anger and frustration, it was useless. He hated that Mr. Schue had pulled this thing, and hated that he was no longer the one in control of the performance. But Kurt didn’t want to be that guy who lost control of himself just because he didn’t have control of everyone else.

Rachel had a gorgeous voice, he wouldn’t deny that. Acknowledging her talent didn’t detract from his own in the slightest. It wasn’t her fault he was being treated badly. She was his friend. Kurt’s smile when she nailed the high note was genuine and sincere.

\--------------------

There were too many people. Their voices echoed in Blaine’s head. They were all around him, smothering him with their presence, dizzying him with their voices. His mind turned everything into a command. “Is there another bottle of water?” someone asked, and Blaine hoped fervently that there was. Another bottle of water for Nick was _the most important thing in the world_ , and Blaine would do _anything_ to find it for him. If he could be the one to fetch it, to hand it to Nick and see the appreciative smile on his face, that would be the most _incredible_ feeling he could _imagine_. Blaine shook his head quickly, trying to clear the fog that surrounded him. Nick was not even a dom. This was insane.

Blaine sat in the darkened auditorium, watching a group called New Directions (why did it have to sound so much like ‘Nude Erections’?) dance and writhe on the stage. He felt his head swimming and his body weak. They were all so _forceful_ up there. They had amazing stage presence, all of them. Could the entire group be doms? It felt like they were. He couldn’t tell them apart, the way they were twirling around and darting back and forth, they all bled into one another.

Most of them filed off the stage, and a short, dark-haired girl stepped forward to the microphone for a solo. Her voice was beautiful. Blaine wanted nothing more than to drop to his knees in front of her. And she was a _girl_. Oh god, he was so far gone.

For the first time, Blaine was slammed with the thought that perhaps he wouldn’t make it through the Warblers’ performance.

\--------------------

The members of New Directions had spent a lot of time jumping up and down and hugging each other backstage after their triumphant performance, so by the time they filed into the rows reserved for them in the auditorium, the Warblers were already starting their first number. Kurt took a seat as the opening notes of Raise Your Glass played.

Kurt turned his eyes to the stage. The Warblers’ costumes were nothing more than their private school uniforms, and the choreography was basically just walking back and forth across the stage, but their lead singer had an undeniable charisma about him. He was giving his all to the song, and his voice was fantastic.

After about a minute, though, the boy’s movements became more frenetic. It almost matched the tone of the song, but not quite. Kurt leaned forward, watching intently. Something was wrong. The boy started to tremble, it was visible even halfway back in the auditorium where they were seated. He was out of step with the choreography, clearly using everything within him to push through it. The last notes sounded and Kurt watched the boy step his feet together into the final pose. And then he dropped to his knees and fell over sideways.

The crowd gasped all at once, as if they were a single entity. Kurt was on his feet before he realized it, and Rachel beside him, and Santana, and close to half the crowd. On stage, the Warblers crowded around their fallen friend. One of them shouted, “Step back, give him space,” just as a stagehand had the presence of mind to drop the curtain.

“There will be a short intermission,” the announcer said over the speaker system.

Kurt knew that his instinct to help and protect this boy that he’d never met was entirely inappropriate right now. The boy’s friends were there. Adults were in charge, presumably. There was nothing he could do anyway. So he pushed the instinct down and followed Mr. Schue out of the auditorium and through the unfamiliar school halls, back into the classroom that had been designated for their use.

\--------------------

The world was blurry, and then it was sideways, and then it was black, and when Blaine opened his eyes again the faces of all his friends were hovering above him. They were talking too loudly and it was confusing and he couldn’t make sentences out of any of it, and oh god, he must have collapsed on stage. This was the worst possible outcome. How could he have been so incredibly stupid? Why hadn’t he told someone, found a dom, gone to Sebastian, _anything_ would have been better than collapsing on stage in front of his friends and a thousand strangers. And god, he was so hard, he might die if he didn’t come soon. Had they all noticed? Of course they must have, they weren’t idiots, they must realize what was happening to him. Maybe dying would not be so bad, if it meant the end of this horrible, horrible embarrassment.

Wes scooped Blaine up in his arms and carried him offstage, and Blaine sobbed out loud at the comfort of it. _Yes_ , he was in the arms of a dom, strong and confident, carrying him to some place, it didn’t matter, everything was taken care of, everything was going to be okay, thank god Wes was here. Blaine let his head loll onto his friend’s shoulder. He breathed in the scent of the older boy’s sweat and the sharpness of it cleared his mind for a moment. He realized that he was probably going to submit to any dom that came along right now without even being able to stop himself, and all he could think was _not Sebastian, please, not Sebastian_. He didn’t even remember _why_ he didn’t want Sebastian, only that he didn’t, and that if Sebastian got close to him, he would not be able to say no.

Wes set him down on a couch, lying on his back. It was a room they hadn’t been in before. Blaine looked around. A few couches and comfortable chairs. A wooden table and more chairs around it. A small kitchenette in one corner. No windows. A teachers’ lounge, probably. All of the Warblers were there, hanging back around the edges of the room. Sebastian was a step in front of the others, waiting, expectant. Wes arranged some pillows behind Blaine, to prop him up a little bit.

_Wes. Thank you, you’re so good to me, thank you, Sir._ Had he said that out loud?

Wes petted his hair and stepped back, shaking his head. “Not me, Blaine. But don’t worry. We’ll find someone.”

Blaine wanted to _die_. But Wes was so strong, so in control. Not just now, but at every Warblers rehearsal. With his … gavel. Great, now Blaine was having erotic thoughts about Wes’s _gavel_.

“I’m so sorry about the performance, Wes,” Blaine whispered. Oh god, why couldn’t he shut up? “I’m so sorry I let you down.”

Wes put a hand on Blaine’s cheek and looked straight into his eyes. “It’s all right, Blaine. I know how hard you tried for me. For all of us. You did very, very well, Blaine.”

Blaine _knew_ this was all an act, that Wes was dialing up the dominance to calm him, that he hadn’t done well at all. But it still worked. Wes was a fantastic dom and he knew exactly what to say. “Thank you, sir,” Blaine gasped. Oh god, Blaine was never, ever going to live this down. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sebastian smirking.

Trent was there all of a sudden, with a juice box, holding the straw to Blaine’s mouth, pleading with him to drink. He took a sip, and it helped a little bit. He still felt dizzy. He still didn’t think he could sit up.

“How long has it been, Blaine?” Trent asked, his face creased with worry.

“Days. Um. Three?”

“Some of the Crawford girls are here to see the performance,” Trent said. “One of them could help you, I’m sure … I could call Angela, she was really sweet to me. Or the one you were talking to at the last dance, with her hair in those braids, what was her name? Courtney? I could see if she’s here, if she’s willing …”

“No,” Blaine whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“Why not, Blaine?” Wes asked. “That’s exactly why we have all those mixers with Crawford. Why did you wait so long? Why didn’t you just ask a girl to dom you?”

A dom had asked him a question, and the answer flowed out of Blaine as if he had never meant to keep it secret at all. “Because I’m gay.”

He opened his eyes. He had to see their reaction. He hoped it wasn’t too awful.

It wasn’t awful at all. Wes and Trent, the two who were right there next to them, seemed to be having an “aha” moment. Sebastian took a single step forward, a triumphant look on his face. Blaine gasped at knowing the potential for relief was so close. Sebastian was _right there_ , he could just … it would all be over … it would all be taken care of …

Trent said it so gently, so tenderly, that Blaine wanted to weep. “Blaine, Sebastian is here. Do you want …?”

It took all his willpower. Every last drop. Blaine shook his head. “No. No. Red. No.” He collapsed into the pillows. He hadn’t meant to, hadn’t done it on purpose, but he’d used one of the universal safe words. Good to know that sex ed class had not been entirely useless, at least.

Sebastian kicked a chair over and stormed out of the room.

Everyone was silent for a moment, stunned. Then they all began talking at once.

“Jonathan … or Travis.” “Scott Bradley.” “Oh, Scott? Really? I didn’t know.” “My brother, but he’s in college in Boston, he was home for Thanksgiving, if I’d only realized…” “I have a cousin, he lives in Indianapolis …”

Wes’s voice cut through the chatter. “Dalton is a two hour drive away. If he doesn’t get dommed soon, he’s going to go unconscious, and then we’re going to have to take him to the hospital. He needs someone _here_.”

Trent spoke up hesitantly. “I have an idea.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Please remember that this is sort of a dub-con story. I think you'd have to be very sensitive to triggers for the content here to bother you, but both people involved are not quite sure that they want to be doing this, in different ways.

Kurt was watching Rachel’s temper tantrum with amusement, because it was better than thinking about the poor boy who had collapsed on stage. It had been so hard to watch that, and then to walk out of the auditorium. He had wanted to help the boy so badly. When he’d fallen to his knees on the stage, Kurt’s heart had jumped right into his throat. The feelings were threatening to return now, just from thinking about it. He took a deep breath and pushed the memory away. He didn’t even know why it had affected him so much. But at least he wasn’t going insane about the whole situation the way Rachel was.

“It’s not fair!” Rachel said, pacing at the front of the room. “We were the only ones to perform before the Warblers’ disaster, and when the competition starts up again with all the other groups, the judges will have completely forgotten about us. We need to demand to perform a second time. Preferably at the end, that’s the most favorable spot, but I would settle for starting over and being the openers again. We need to write out our petition draft immediately, who has a piece of paper?”

Mr. Schue stopped her from opening a drawer in the teacher’s desk. “Rachel, that’s completely inappropriate. That kid is having a medical emergency, and you’re sitting here worrying about who is going to win the show choir competition?”

“You don’t understand, I _need_ this on my resume for my college applications! What will happen to me if we can’t even win Sectionals?” Rachel reached for the desk drawer again, Mr. Schue blocking her with his arm.

A tentative knock on the door distracted Rachel’s attention. “Come in,” Mr. Schue called.

The door swung open and two boys in Warblers uniforms hesitantly entered the room. Kurt couldn’t fathom why they’d be here, in the New Directions’ green room, and Mr. Schue seemed equally surprised.

“Hi …” Mr. Schue said. “Is everything okay? How is your friend doing? Do you need something?”

The round-faced Warbler started to stammer an answer. “I … um … actually …”

The other one took over. “We were hoping one of your students could help us.” He turned to face the group, his gaze calmly roaming around the room to take all of them in, not settling on anyone in particular. “I’m Wes, and this is Trent. As you are surely aware, we have a fallen comrade who requires some assistance. We were hoping that there might be someone in your group—a dom—who would be willing to help him out. We understand that this is not the ideal situation, but it is rather an emergency, so we were hoping someone would be kind enough to come to his aid.”

“I don’t see why we should be helping the competition,” Rachel said petulantly.

“Rachel!” Kurt chided her. “What part of ‘medical emergency’ don’t you understand?”

Wes smiled at him, but said nothing.

“Well, I’m not doing it,” Rachel said. Finn shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Santana stood up. “Boy is clearly an idiot for being too shy to ask a girl to dom him, but he’s pretty cute, so whatever. I volunteer.”

“That’s not how it works, Santana,” Brittany said. “They have to select a Tribute randomly first, and _then_ other people can volunteer. I read the books. But I was confused because there was nothing in them about playing with your food.”

Wes stared oddly at Brittany, but Trent spoke up. “Actually … we were looking for another guy to do it. He’s gay.”

All heads swiveled to Kurt immediately. Santana dropped back into her chair with a thud.

Kurt was pretty sure his heart was no longer beating. He looked around the room slowly. “Why are you all looking at me?”

“Gay male dom?” Santana asked. “How many others do you see in this room?”

“But I … but … but …” Kurt stammered. “I’m not even sure I’m a dom.”

“You are,” Mike said.

“Definitely,” Mercedes said.

“A hundred and seventeen percent certain,” Brittany said.

“No question,” Finn said.

They’d all spoken nearly in unison. Kurt gaped.

“Sorry, little bro,” Finn said. “Every time you tell me to, like, not leave my dirty socks in the living room or something, I pretty much want to drop to my knees. Awkward…”

“Oh my god,” Kurt muttered.

“Would you consider it?” Wes asked, looking at him intently. “As I said, the situation is quite urgent.”

Kurt was terrified. This was not how a dom was supposed to feel, was it? A dom was supposed to be confident, strong … dominant. He felt the opposite of dominant right now. He felt completely incapable of doing what they were asking. The thought of walking into a room right now and having sex with a stranger … it wasn’t him. He was romance and friendship and long-term relationships and finding his soulmate. Not one-night stands. One-afternoon stands. With all of his friends knowing exactly what he was doing while he was doing it. No, this was impossible.

“I don’t … I can’t … I never …” he stammered.

Rachel folded her arms and shot Kurt’s own words back at him. “What part of ‘medical emergency’ don’t you understand?”

“Touché.” Well, at least his snark was still with him, Kurt thought.

“Please?” Trent asked, his eyes wide and pleading as he looked up at Kurt.

There was a sub who was in distress, and Kurt could fix it. Through his fear, another feeling crept up on him. He remembered watching the boy collapse on the stage, the immediate urge he’d had to run up there and take care of him, to protect him, to … well, he hadn’t let himself get as far as concrete thoughts about what he’d do. He’d pushed the feelings away because it was not his place to help. But now Trent and Wes were telling him that he _could_ help. That he was perhaps the only person available who could help. If he said no, this boy would suffer, and Kurt would be the cause of his suffering.

Kurt couldn’t let that happen. The urge to protect surged up inside him again. And, surprising himself, Kurt felt desire. The image of the boy on his knees for that split second as he fell … to see him like that again … right in front of Kurt … naked … Kurt felt his cock stirring in his pants, and oh god, everyone was still staring at him.

But _sex_. It was such a big, scary thing. He rarely even let himself think about it, because what was the use in making himself frustrated? There were no other out gay guys at school, and even if there were, who would want someone like Kurt to dom them? Who wanted a dom who had spent years being slushied and thrown into dumpsters? He’d always figured that in college, he could make a fresh start where nobody knew about his past and he might have a small chance of being seen as an object of desire by someone.

The thought suddenly hit Kurt—what if he’d been a sub? Who would he have gone to when his first Sickness hit? He was amazed that this problem had never occurred to him before. He was sixteen, it could have hit him at any time, and yet he’d never even thought about needing or wanting to submit to someone.

Well. Apparently he really was a dom.

He stood up. “I’m going to go talk to these guys out in the hallway for a minute. Just talking. I’m just going to talk. In the hallway.”

Puck whistled salaciously. The last thing Kurt heard before the door closed was Mr. Schue yelling at him.

“Oh thank god all your friends knew that you’re gay,” Trent gushed. “We were so worried that we’d be outing you. We didn’t want to draw attention to you, that’s why we asked the whole room. We thought maybe we shouldn’t say why we were there, just come in and ask if we could have a word with you in private, but everyone would know what we wanted anyway, so we figured—”

“Trent!” Wes cut him off. “Warbler Council negotiations are secret.”

“Sorry, Sir,” Trent said quickly.

Kurt felt hyper-focused on the situation at hand. He needed information about this boy. About what had happened to him and why. About what he might be expecting from his dom. What he would need.

“What’s his name?” Kurt asked.

“Blaine Anderson,” Wes said.

“And … this is his first time?”

“It’s his first Sickness, but I’m not sure whether he’s ever … just for fun …”

“He’s a virgin,” Trent said. “We talked about it when I had my first Sickness a couple of months ago.”

“How far gone is he?”

Wes looked very concerned. “He can’t even sit up by himself. His mind is … very confused. But he’s talking. Making decisions. He’s on the edge, but there’s still a little bit of time.”

Kurt sighed. “Why did he wait so long? Why didn’t he take care of it before now? It must have been going on for days.”

“Nobody knew he was gay,” Trent said. “He was afraid to come out. Which, I understand how it’s scary, but _nobody cared_ , it’s not a big deal for anyone, I don’t know why he didn’t just … I don’t know why he was still in the closet.”

Blaine must be so scared right now, Kurt thought. He must feel so lost, helpless, alone. All those friends around him and none able to help, and Blaine so vulnerable, and he’d just had to come out when he didn’t want to yet … Kurt’s heart ached. He had to help him. He had to.

Kurt still didn’t feel ready for sex. Especially not with a stranger. He barely let his friends touch him in ordinary, non-sexual ways. How could he possibly be considering getting naked with a guy that he had never even met? Touching his body. Being touched in the most intimate ways. How could he do this?

One step at a time. Maybe just a little bit would be enough. Some orders. Some kisses. A little bit … enough to bring Blaine back to himself. Maybe they wouldn’t have to go all the way. Maybe Kurt could figure out what he was comfortable with as he went along. Maybe he wouldn’t have to go past that. Was that wishful thinking? Would it inevitably lead to something more than Kurt wanted?

Kurt’s entire being was crying out to _help Blaine_. He had to go to him. He had to. It didn’t matter what Kurt wanted for himself. Blaine needed him.

“Take me to him. I want to see him.”

They set off down the hallway. _You matter_. The words echoed in Kurt’s head. That discussion he’d had with his father a few months ago, equal parts embarrassing and sweet. He’d never forget it. _Don’t go throwing yourself around_. This could hardly be called “throwing yourself around,” could it? It was one boy. One time. An emergency. His father couldn’t possibly have envisioned Kurt being the only possible person to save an innocent boy from a _sex emergency_.

It sounded ridiculous even inside Kurt’s own head.

Still, how could he say no, when his instincts were crying out to him to say yes?

_You matter, Kurt_. Yes. He did. But Blaine mattered too.

\--------------------------------

Blaine heard the door open and close, and then a boy was standing beside him, a stranger. He was tall and confident and absolutely the most beautiful creature Blaine had ever laid eyes on. Blaine was transfixed. Even if he physically could have moved, he didn’t think he would have been able to bring himself to. He never wanted to move. He wanted to just stare at this boy forever.

The stranger pulled a chair up beside the couch and sat, looking intently at Blaine. “Hi, Blaine. My name is Kurt Hummel.”

“Hi,” Blaine said, and his voice sounded faint and so far away. _Kurt_. It was the most perfect name in the universe. Blaine’s favorite name, all of a sudden. He was honored to know this boy’s name, it was like a gift. He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, it was too special, but he would repeat it over and over in his head, every time they touched. Would they touch? Would this boy— _Kurt_ —allow Blaine to touch him? He wanted to, so badly. He wanted Kurt to touch him. Oh god, what if Kurt ordered Blaine to say his name? _Please do that, yes, yes, I want you to make me say your name, I don’t know if I can do it but I will try to do it for you, please, I want to_.

“Blaine,” Kurt said gently. “Your friends thought that perhaps I could help you.”

“Okay,” Blaine said absently. Why weren’t they touching? Why were they still wearing clothes? Why hadn’t Kurt given him any commands to follow? Had Blaine done something wrong? _Please tell me what I’ve done wrong, I don’t know, I want to be perfect for you, I will give you everything, anything, I will do anything, I want to be good for you, Sir_.

After a long pause, Kurt spoke again, still as gentle as could be. “Would you like me to help you?”

Maybe Blaine was being too submissive too soon. Maybe that was the problem. Kurt might want him to push back a little bit, so that he’d have to give an order and be obeyed. But how could he possibly fight? He wanted Kurt more than anything in the world. What could he do to push him? A joke? A little bit of sassiness? Blaine said out loud the first thing that came to mind. “It’s not like I have much choice.”

Kurt looked at him so sweetly, an impossible amount of sweetness. How could a dom possibly be this gentle, Blaine wondered. “Blaine, you always have choices. You could have your friends look around for another dom. You could pay a professional to dominate you. You could wait until you pass out and end up in the hospital. The options may suck, but they exist. I am not taking those choices away, I am offering another one. You can choose me, if you want to, if you think I’m the best option you have. If not, you can choose something else. It’s up to you.”

Realization dawned on Blaine. Kurt wasn’t domming him yet because Blaine hadn’t asked him to. A dom couldn’t ask a sub for sex, it was unthinkable outside of an established claim relationship. Blaine needed to ask.

“Will you dom me? Please?” Blaine’s voice wavered, he wanted it so much. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if Kurt said no.

“Yes, sweetheart, of course I will.” Kurt sounded so confident and sure. Blaine trusted him implicitly, this boy he didn’t even know. Blaine smiled, closed his eyes for a second, relaxed onto the pillows behind him.

Kurt bent down and kissed him on the mouth, hard. Blaine had never felt anything more wonderful. He let Kurt work his mouth open, shivered with relief when Kurt pressed his tongue inside, owning, taking.

Kurt pulled away and stood up, pushing the chair back away from the couch. Blaine wanted to cry from his absence. “Okay, everybody out of the room,” Kurt ordered.

Blaine didn’t know why Kurt wanted him to leave the room, but it didn’t matter. Surely it was for some very good reason. Maybe there was a bedroom, or … it didn’t matter. He didn’t need to know. Kurt had given an order, and he was going to obey it, there was nothing that could prevent him from obeying it. Blaine wasn’t quite sure if he could move, but he would leave this room at Kurt’s order if it killed him. He tried to sit up.

Kurt laughed, musical and joyful and almost carefree. “Not you, Blaine, sweetheart. You stay right there.”

Oh. Right. There were other people in the room. Blaine had been so focused on Kurt that he’d completely forgotten the rest of the Warblers were still there. He settled happily back on the couch.

“We’ll be waiting right outside, Blaine,” a voice called out. He recognized that voice. It was … um … Trent. “Just yell if anything goes wrong, we’ll be right here to come help you.”

The door clicked shut, and then Kurt was standing over him again.

“Take your clothes off.”


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt watched, halfway stunned, as Blaine tried to struggle out of his blazer. He wasn’t quite sure where that order had come from. He’d intended to move much more slowly, maybe asking Blaine to remove his clothing one piece at a time, not all at once. He’d said it without thinking. It was kind of encouraging, knowing that his dom instincts were working. But it was also kind of scary that he hadn’t been able to control what he was saying.

He’d been completely caught up in Blaine’s willing, eager submission. The way his lips had gently opened up under Kurt’s. The way Blaine had tried to leave the room at Kurt’s order, an order that wasn’t even meant for him, that made no sense as an order to Blaine. An order that was physically impossible for him to even obey, as weak as he was, but that he’d tried to obey anyway, because Kurt had told him to. It was intoxicating, the confidence that flowed through Kurt at seeing how completely Blaine trusted him.

Except that Kurt didn’t deserve that trust. He was messing everything up, saying things he didn’t intend to say, moving much too fast. He would have to be much more careful than this.

Blaine had managed to take his blazer and tie off and was working on the top button of his shirt. “Wait … wait just a minute, sweetheart,” Kurt said.

Blaine’s hands fell to his sides immediately. He looked up at Kurt, waiting, expectant. Kurt’s heart melted. He was _so trusting_. Kurt would work as hard as he could to deserve that trust.

Kurt needed a moment to breathe, so he took Blaine’s blazer and hung it on the back of a chair, threw the tie over it, and then walked back to sit near the couch again. “I’m so sorry. I started this up before establishing a safeword. We’ll just use the standard ones, okay? Red for stop, yellow for slow down.”

“Okay,” Blaine said.

“Tell me what the safewords are.”

“Red. Yellow.”

“Would you like to use one of them now?”

“No.”

Kurt looked at him for a minute, trying to figure out what to say next. “You can go back to … um … following that order now. I can help you if it’s too hard.” Kurt winced at the way he’d faltered, but Blaine didn’t seem to mind.

Blaine silently undid his shirt buttons, one by one. He shifted, pulling one arm out of the sleeve, then the other. Kurt couldn’t help staring. It was incredibly arousing to watch him slowly undress, and knowing that he was doing it at Kurt’s command was almost too much to bear. Blaine tried to lift his shoulders to pull the shirt out from behind himself, but he fell back too quickly and it got stuck under his back. Kurt reached out and put his hand carefully on Blaine’s shoulder, guiding him up and pulling the shirt free. His fingers tingled at the touch, skin on skin. He folded the shirt and placed it on the chair, and came back to find Blaine’s pants undone.

Kurt swallowed hard. “I’ll help you with your shoes.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Kurt had never been called ‘Sir’ before. Not by anyone other than store clerks and waiters, anyway, where it was a stand-in for not knowing his name. Blaine called him ‘Sir’ with a tone of respect and obedience, even a little bit of awe. The word thrilled through Kurt. He felt more alive, more alert, than he had in a long time.

Kurt pulled off Blaine’s shoes, one at a time, and his socks, too. He walked over and set them beside the chair. Kurt was a little bit afraid to turn around to look at Blaine again. He knew what was coming next, something had not expected to see anytime soon. He took a deep breath, centered himself in the alertness and not the fear, and turned around.

Blaine was wearing only a pair of navy blue boxer briefs, holding his pants in one hand. Kurt took the pants from him and stood, waiting. Blaine looked straight at Kurt, watching his face as he pushed down his underwear and moved his legs to get them all the way off.

Kurt’s mouth was dry. His heart was racing. He couldn’t let it show. He couldn’t let any of it show. He did everything he could to maintain a neutral expression. Blaine had to think he was confident, or none of this would work. He didn’t look down, he kept his gaze on Blaine’s face. Carefully, keeping his eyes away, Kurt bent down to pick up Blaine’s underwear where they had fallen on the floor.

“Good, sweetheart. Look at you, so beautiful and open for me.”

Blaine beamed with pride at his words. Kurt’s head spun. The words, again, had seemed to come out of nowhere, even as he had tried to watch only Blaine’s face and not his body. His mind was flooded with thoughts of what he could do to that body. What he _wanted_ to do—things he barely let himself imagine in the dark of his bedroom, alone and with the door locked at night. And now he was thinking them here, in a too-bright, too-public room, with a naked boy who would actually let him do those things. It was overwhelming. It was … hot.

He busied himself folding Blaine’s clothes and setting them down on the chair. A few deep breaths. Not looking at the terrifyingly, beautifully naked boy. There were so many options. Too many. Most of them were too scary to even consider seriously. Kurt knew this was going to have to involve an orgasm for Blaine, and probably one for himself as well. But those things could happen in so many ways. There were so many steps before then. So many decisions to make. He needed more input from Blaine, before he did something terribly wrong.

Blaine was taking up most of the space on the couch, leaving an empty strip just a few inches wide along the edge. Kurt perched there, facing out, and then turned his body to look at Blaine’s face. He wished they had more space to work with, but this angle at least had the benefit of blocking the more nerve-wracking portions of Blaine’s body from his view. “Could you tell me what you want? Things that you would like to do? I want to make sure I know what you’re comfortable with.”

“Anything,” Blaine said. “Anything you want, I’ll do anything.”

“That’s … very nice,” Kurt said. “But what do you want, in particular?”

Blaine licked his lips. “Anything. You. I want you. I want to submit to you. I want to please you, Sir.”

“That’s not what I asked, Blaine.” Kurt said.

Blaine shut his eyes for a moment, then opened them. “I don’t know … I can’t think … I’m sorry. I don’t know.”

Kurt hummed thoughtfully. He’d never met this boy before. He knew nothing about him. How could he make choices without knowing what Blaine needed or wanted? And on top of that, how could he deal with Blaine not answering a question Kurt had directly asked him? Perhaps that was the place to start. The first task could be making Blaine ask for what he needed.

“Okay,” Kurt said. “I’m going to need an answer from you soon. You’re not going to get anything more than kisses until you can tell me something specific that you want. So you should think about that. While we’re kissing.” _Oh god, while I’m making out with a naked guy._

Blaine nodded eagerly.

“Okay. You have five minutes to think about this. Starting now. I’m going to kiss you.” Kurt groaned inwardly at how tentative and unsure he sounded. His nervousness must be practically plastered across his face. How could Blaine not see it? How could Blaine still want this, when Kurt was making so many stupid, nervous mistakes?

Blaine … He looked so gorgeous as Kurt leaned over him. His eyes the color of honey, wide and innocent. His lips full and soft, practically crying out to be kissed. His chin tipped up, waiting for Kurt’s mouth to meet his. He was irresistible. He was beautiful.

Kurt bent down the final inches and kissed him softly, his hands resting on the pillows beside Blaine’s head. Their mouths moved together, opening, deepening the kiss. Confidence surged up inside Kurt, seemingly from nowhere. He could do this. This was how it was supposed to be. This was lovely. Blaine’s hands on his shoulders felt so … _wait a minute_.

Kurt pulled away. “I said nothing but kisses. Do I need to be clearer? That means no touching.”

Blaine’s dropped his hands immediately, but the small space meant that his right hand landed on Kurt’s thigh instead of the couch. Blaine jerked it away again, shaking, but there was no obvious place to put it. “I’m sorry, Sir,” he said, his voice trembling.

Kurt took Blaine’s hand and guided it across his chest, placing it carefully on Blaine’s left shoulder. He left Blaine’s other hand straight down by his side. “Is this a comfortable position?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Don’t move your hands.”

“Yes, Sir. I won’t sir.”

Kurt leaned down and went back to kissing him.

\---------------------------------

It was bliss, to obey. Such a relief to simply follow directions, to have the choices taken away from him, to trust himself to the care of this confident, gentle man. _Kurt_ , who kissed him so beautifully, sending all the blood rushing to Blaine’s cock and leaving him dazed and almost unable to think. There were two orders now—don’t touch and think of what he wanted—and Blaine tried to concentrate. He’d already failed once, and he hoped it wasn’t too much of a disappointment to Kurt. His hands had found Kurt’s shoulders automatically, he hadn’t even realized he was doing it. But now the order was clear. Don’t touch. Don’t move hands.

Oh, but he wanted to touch so badly. His fingers twitched and he dug them into the bare skin of his own shoulder, trying to hold himself in place while Kurt worked his tongue inside his mouth. It was so hard, he was aching for more, he needed _more_.

Kurt pulled away from Blaine’s mouth and spoke. “Five minutes is up. Tell me what you want.”

It was so simple now, all of a sudden. The one order was the answer to the other. “I want to touch you.”

Kurt hummed softly. It sounded like he was considering this. “Where?”

“Everywhere.”

“You’ll need to be more specific.” And then Kurt was kissing his neck, the slightest hint of teeth against Blaine’s skin, and Blaine whined at the effort it took to keep his body still, to keep his hands off Kurt’s body that he wanted so badly to touch.

“Where?” Kurt asked again.

“Your back. Um, your arms. Shoulders. Your hair.”

Kurt laughed. He sounded pleased. “I don’t know, I’m pretty particular about my hair. You can touch my shoulders, we’ll start with that. You’re doing well.”

Blaine’s hands flew back to Kurt’s shoulders practically of their own accord. Kurt’s mouth was on his again, and _god_ , Blaine could kiss Kurt forever.

“Keep talking,” Kurt whispered. “Tell me more about what you want.” He moved to kissing Blaine’s neck, leaving his mouth free to talk. His kisses moved slowly up Blaine’s neck and behind his ear. It felt so good, making it hard for Blaine to concentrate, but he struggled to think about what he wanted anyway.

“I want … Can I move my hands? I want to touch your back, please, may I? It would feel so good, and I just want … _oh_ … just a little bit more.”

 “That’s a good boy, sweetheart,” Kurt said. “You can touch my back, since you asked so nicely.”

Blaine groaned with pleasure, sliding his hands down onto Kurt’s back. Kurt locked his mouth on Blaine’s again, thrusting his tongue inside, deepening the kiss and even rocking his body against Blaine a little bit.

“I want to touch your skin,” Blaine said when Kurt came up for air. “Not just your shirt, I want … I want to touch your body.”

\---------------------------------

Kurt didn’t understand why he had butterflies in his stomach. Taking off his shirt was a completely anticipated turn of events. It wasn’t even like it was something private or intimate. Men took their shirts off in public all the time. There was no reason he should be nervous about this.

He even wanted to do it. Making out with a guy—he’d never done it before—turned out to be _incredible_. He wanted more. The thought of Blaine’s hands touching his skin while they were kissing … it sent shivers of excitement down his spine. This was an easy yes. So why was he so nervous?

He asked Blaine to do it for him. Blaine took off Kurt’s tie and started working on the buttons of his shirt one by one. Blaine had the same eagerness he’d had when removing his own shirt, but he fumbled less. He must be feeling stronger already, Kurt realized, and he was relieved. Maybe they’d be able to keep this simple after all. Maybe Kurt wouldn’t be forced beyond his comfort level the way he’d feared.

Blaine pushed the fabric of Kurt’s shirt back, over his shoulders and down his arms. It nearly fell to the floor before Kurt grabbed it and tossed it onto a nearby chair.

“May I?” Blaine whispered. Kurt nodded, so Blaine lifted the hem of Kurt’s undershirt, pulling it up over Kurt’s head. He tried to toss it to the chair, but his angle was all wrong and he missed.

“Just a minute, I’ll get it,” Kurt said. He got up to retrieve the shirt, folded it quickly and set it down with his other clothes.

When Kurt turned back, Blaine was staring at him, eyes wide. He suddenly felt self-conscious. Exposed. Which was ridiculous, because he only had his shirt off, and Blaine was lying there naked.

Blaine. Was lying there naked. In front of him.

Kurt let himself really look for the first time, standing there a few steps away from the couch. His eyes drifted down the angles of Blaine’s body, taking in the curve of his muscles, the bit of softness in his stomach, the line of dark hair that started faintly and grew thicker as it went downwards toward … Kurt made himself say the word in his head … toward his cock. Blaine’s cock, hard and glistening with precome at the tip, pointed up almost to his stomach. He must have been hard for ages, Kurt realized. The poor boy, waiting so long for relief, and Kurt had been making him wait even longer, and … god, the whole thing was incredibly hot. Kurt felt himself going hard in his pants at the sight of this boy lying there, completely ready for Kurt to do with him whatever he wanted.

Blaine brought his hand to his cock and started stroking himself, and Kurt’s reaction was immediate and almost violent.

“No!” Kurt said forcefully, almost shouting. “Don’t touch yourself, don’t even think about it. That’s mine to touch.”

Kurt almost groaned out loud as soon as the words escaped his mouth. He was an idiot. An absolute, complete idiot, and he kept making the same mistake over and over again. He kept saying things without thinking them through, giving orders that forced himself into more than he was ready for. Blaine touching himself would have been the perfect solution. Kurt could have ordered him to touch himself. In different ways. Slower. Faster. Kurt wouldn’t have had to do anything at all, he could have just stood there and watched. But now that option was closed. He couldn’t go back on the order he’d just given. He was trapped. He was going to have to touch Blaine’s cock.

Fuck.

And at the same time, it was something Kurt desperately wanted to do. His instinct hadn’t been wrong, even if it was something he didn’t quite want to admit to himself.

Blaine was talking. What was he saying? It was a stream of begging, Kurt realized. “Yes, yes, please, touch me, I want you to touch my cock, oh please, Sir, won’t you touch me, please …” He went on and on, thrusting his hips up into the air desperately as he spoke.

“Shh, sweetheart, yes, I will,” Kurt said, trying to calm Blaine. Trying to calm both of them. “Just let me figure out … there’s not enough room … let me figure out the best way.”

If he sat on the edge of the couch like he’d been doing, he couldn’t watch Blaine’s face. Maybe if he moved further down towards his feet? The angle seemed precarious, though, and Kurt didn’t want to suffer the indignity of falling off the couch halfway through giving a handjob. He could pull a chair up alongside the couch again, but the height of it seemed too awkward. Kneeling on the floor beside the couch would work, but as a dom, he couldn’t put himself in that position and maintain respect. He could straddle him, but that felt like a bit much.

The answer came to Kurt all at once. “Here, lift your legs up, I’m going to sit down and then you can put your legs on my lap, okay?” He helped Blaine shift his body a little bit, and then there they were, Kurt not-quite-trapped beneath Blaine’s legs, his hands in just the right place over Blaine’s naked body … oh god, this was really going to happen.

Legs. Legs were not so scary. Kurt ran his hand from Blaine’s knee up to his thigh, reveling in the texture of the coarse hair on his leg. More hairy than Kurt’s own leg, and a darker color against his skin, more noticeable. Blaine gasped with pleasure at the touch, and he was still begging. “Please, Sir, please, I want you so bad, please.”

Blaine was unbelievably gorgeous like this, laid out and desperate, writhing on Kurt’s lap, his cock hard and leaking. Kurt wanted this more than he had anticipated. He was crazy with excitement, despite his nervousness.

“Okay, sweetheart,” Kurt said. “Don’t come until I say you can.” That was a standard command, wasn’t it? To keep in control of the situation. And Kurt definitely wanted to have some warning before _that_ happened anyway.

Blaine nodded his agreement, so Kurt reached out his hand.

\---------------------------------

Kurt’s hand on his cock was the best thing Blaine had ever felt in his entire life. He could have come immediately, had Kurt not forbidden it. The touch of Kurt’s two fingers on the head of his cock, tracing a line down slowly to the base, it was like nothing he had ever imagined. Sure, Blaine had touched himself before, in all kinds of ways, but this was not about the physical sensation. This was about letting himself go, accepting what his dom was doing, accepting whatever his dom would choose to do. It was a relief, it was amazing, and Blaine felt strength pouring back into his body as he concentrated on the order Kurt had given him—don’t come—and nothing else.

Kurt was so good to him. Giving him everything he needed and wanted, everything he asked for. The way Kurt took control, so confident and relaxed … Blaine was in awe of him, of this gorgeous boy who had come out of nowhere to his rescue.

But Blaine had given him nothing. Not nearly enough. Kisses, and Kurt had done most of the work there. Light touches on his back and shoulders, after he had allowed it. Blaine had just been _lying here_ the whole time. It was much too easy. He needed to show Kurt how well he could truly submit. He wanted to be on his knees in front of Kurt, he couldn’t just lie here and take and take without giving as much submission as he could.

“Sir,” Blaine gasped out. “Please, I want to kneel for you.”

\---------------------------------

The room seemed to tilt on its axis as the image of Blaine on his knees and naked flashed before Kurt’s eyes. It was the hottest thing Kurt could possibly imagine. He had to see it for real.

“Are you strong enough, sweetheart?” he asked.

“Yes, Sir, I’m feeling much stronger now.” He did look stronger, Kurt thought. More color in his face. Smoother movements of his arms and legs.

“Okay,” Kurt said. “Kneel for me. I’ll help you up.”

Blaine swung his feet over the edge of the couch, and Kurt pulled his arms to help him to a sitting position. He kept one hand in his, the other hand on Blaine’s shoulder, guiding him to a kneeling position. Kurt made sure he was stable before letting go and standing, moving around to be facing him.

It was even hotter than he had imagined.

“God, Blaine, sweetheart, you are so beautiful like this,” Kurt said, in awe at the sight. He couldn’t think straight, it was too much, all his blood was rushing straight to his cock. It was twitching uncomfortably in his pants, god, he wanted _so badly_. He didn’t even know what he wanted, as long as it was _something_.

“I want to suck your cock.” Blaine blinked, as if the words had been a surprise to him, and then he started to beg. “Please, please, it is the only thing I’ve ever wanted, please let me suck your cock, oh god, I need it, please, oh god, please.”

“Yes. Yes.” Kurt gasped, without thinking. His hands flew to his belt and he was unfastening it before he knew what he was doing. He was fighting with Blaine’s hands at his waistband, both of them trying to unbutton his pants at once, and then they were open and unzipped and shoved down to his thighs, and then he was trapped because he hadn’t even taken his shoes off. The thought appeared in Kurt’s head that he had been so careful about taking off Blaine’s shoes and hadn’t even remembered his own, and then that thought disappeared because _his cock was in Blaine’s mouth_ and it was impossible to think about anything at all.

There was no thinking. There was only feeling. The hot, wet stretch of Blaine’s lips around him. Blaine’s hands grasping desperately around his hips and ass. His fingers in Blaine’s hair, sticky with gel and sweat. The tip of his cock tapping against the roof of Blaine’s mouth with the small thrusts he couldn’t help but make, trying to hold his hips steady enough not to overwhelm him. It was amazing, and Kurt was close to coming within seconds.

“Blaine, sweetheart,” Kurt gasped out. “I don’t want to come in your mouth. It’s too much.” There was a small whine from Blaine. “I’m going to pull out, and come on your chest. You’re so good, sweetheart. So incredibly good, you’re doing so well, you’re amazing.” There was a choked sob from Blaine.

Kurt pulled back, and then he was coming, hot white streaks all over Blaine’s chest, marking him again and again, and Kurt was watching with wide eyes, almost as if it were happening to someone else entirely, not himself, no, this could not possibly be a thing he was doing.

Blaine sat back on his heels, his chest rising and falling with shallow, desperate breaths. He was still hard.

“Blaine … you haven’t come yet? God, sweetheart, why not?”

“You told me not until you said so,” Blaine said simply.

Kurt’s jaw dropped open. He’d completely forgotten about that. The poor boy. Kurt’s stomach twisted. He was such a terrible dom, leaving his sub like this, taking his own pleasure while Blaine suffered. But oh, what beautiful submission.

He practically tackled Blaine, pushing him back onto the couch, laying full on top of him and covering him with kisses. “You’re amazing, sweetheart, so incredibly good,” Kurt said between kisses. “So good for me, I can’t believe how good you’ve been. I’m going to give you a little bit more, a little bit for you, okay? Because you’ve been so good. Count to ten, and then you can come. Count it out loud for me.”

Kurt didn’t wait for Blaine to acknowledge it. He moved down Blaine’s body, straddled his legs and gave his full attention to Blaine’s cock.

“One,” Blaine said. Kurt took Blaine’s cock in his fist and circled his thumb around the head.

A long pause. “Two.” Kurt’s eyes rolled back in his head. He hadn’t said how fast or slow to count. Blaine could have rushed through in a single breath, but he hadn’t. He was drawing this out voluntarily, making it last longer. Kurt had come already, but he was wild with desire for this boy, this beautiful, perfect sub.

“Three.” Kurt leaned down and kissed the tip of Blaine’s cock lightly, just a little graze of his lips against the skin.

Blaine drew in a sharp breath. “Four,” he said, his voice shaky. Kurt darted his tongue out to taste Blaine’s precome, shivered a little at the bitterness of it.

“Fi— oh god, five. Five.” Kurt took his hand off so he could lick a stripe all the way up from the base of Blaine’s cock to the tip.

“Six.” It was so overwhelming. The whole thing was … Kurt couldn’t think straight. He buried his face in the crease of Blaine’s thigh.

“Seven.” He touched again without looking, his hand stroking Blaine’s length gently before he turned his head to watch.

“Eight.” Kurt moved his face closer and kissed against the side of Blaine’s cock.

Blaine took three deep breaths before he spoke again. “Nine.” Kurt lifted his head up and kissed the tip again.

Blaine’s voice shook. “Ten.” Kurt sunk his mouth over Blaine’s cock all at once, before he could lose his courage.

Blaine’s whole body spasmed and he came with a shout, clearly not expecting this. Kurt took it all, his eyes wide in shock, tasting, swallowing Blaine’s come, mouthing tenderly before letting his softening cock drop free. He sat there for a moment, across Blaine’s legs, stunned, until he felt like he could move again.

\---------------------------------

Blaine felt better than he’d felt in days. Months, really. Maybe ever. He felt safe and warm and completely, utterly relaxed. He felt himself being nudged to the side, turned, and he remembered that there was very little space here on the couch. He let Kurt roll him to the side, his back pressed up against the back of the couch, now face to face with Kurt. Their legs tangled together, their arms around each other, Blaine’s face in the crook of Kurt’s neck. They lay together, breathing softly, petting each other’s faces and arms and backs, Blaine wasn’t at all sure how long.

“How do you feel, sweetheart?” Kurt finally asked.

“Mmmm, wonderful,” Blaine said. “Thanks to you.”

Kurt stroked his hair gently. “I’m going to go find something to clean us up with, okay? You wait here, I’ll be right back.”

Blaine nodded. He took a deep breath as Kurt pulled away from him. He wondered whether this was the end of the cuddling, or whether Kurt would lie down again later. He could stay there cuddling for days, he was sure, but the loss of it felt not so terrible now as it would have a few minutes before. He was strong again. He could handle this.

Kurt returned, wearing black pants and black socks and nothing else, his chest glistening with drops of water. He had a cloth in his hand, and as he came closer, Blaine saw that it was Kurt’s own undershirt, wet from the sink. He started dabbing Blaine’s face with it.

“Kurt, that’s your shirt! Don’t you need it?”

Kurt shrugged. “Nobody will notice if I don’t have an undershirt under my button-down. It’s fine.” He moved to wiping off Blaine’s chest, then his thighs and his flaccid cock. Blaine was slightly embarrassed to be touched like this. They’d just had sex, for god’s sake, this shouldn’t be embarrassing. But now they were no longer caught up in the moment, and Blaine’s head was clear. Now there was actually time to think about what was going on. Kurt seemed so calm and collected, though, so sweet, that it set Blaine almost at ease.

Kurt tossed the shirt behind the couch where Blaine couldn’t see, and then stood there for a moment. “Do you want … should I lie back down and cuddle some more?” he asked.

Blaine desperately wanted to say yes, but it felt like it would be an imposition. He sat up instead. “No, no, you don’t have to … I guess I should get dressed.”

Kurt sat down next to him. “Promise me one more thing, before this is over. One last command for you to follow.”

“Okay,” Blaine said. He couldn’t fathom what Kurt could possibly want at this point, though.

“Don’t let yourself get this sick again,” Kurt said. “Take care of yourself, find a dom before you collapse from it next time. It will be three or four months before you absolutely have to do this again. That should be plenty of time to find someone you’re comfortable with. Okay? Promise?”

Blaine smiled sadly. It was so sweet for Kurt to care about his well-being this way. But Blaine still didn’t know where he’d find another dom. And even if he did, how could he possibly be as good as this wonderful man who had walked into his life today?

No use worrying about it now. He had months to figure this out. “I promise,” he told Kurt.

“Good. You can go ahead and get dressed now.”

They averted their eyes as they dressed, suddenly shy after everything they’d shared. Blaine shifted his jacket so that it sat properly on his shoulders, tightened the knot of his tie, smoothed his hands over his hair one last time. He looked up at Kurt, standing there, waiting for him to be ready.

It felt odd, staring at each other in their competing showchoir uniforms. A moment ago they’d just been two boys, together and intimate in their skins. Now they were practically rivals, Blaine in his Dalton blazer and Kurt in this black-on-black ensemble. They were just a few steps away from each other, but it felt like miles.

Kurt closed the distance, put his hand on Blaine’s upper arm. “You okay?”

Blaine nodded. “Thank you again. I know this was … not what you expected to be doing today.”

Kurt laughed. “You really are a sweetheart. Can I hug you?”

“Of course.”

They put their arms around each other, one last time, holding tight just a minute longer than an ordinary hug would last. Finally they pulled back, smiling softly at each other.

“Okay. Here goes.” Blaine walked to the door of the room and opened it.

\---------------------------------

Blaine’s teammates were, as they’d said they’d be, right outside the door. Kurt shrank back as they swarmed into the room, crowding around Blaine, hugging him, checking to see that he was all right. Kurt wondered how much they’d heard through the door. How loud had they been? He wasn’t sure.

It was overwhelming, all these people. All these strangers. Nobody spared a thought for Kurt, so he slipped out unnoticed, into the hallway.

His footsteps echoed loud in his ears as he walked down the empty hall. His heart pounded. What had just happened? He couldn’t process it. His mind was racing with sounds, sights, smells, sensations … It was too much, it was all at once, he hadn’t meant for any of it to happen, it had just _happened_ , how could this have happened?

He needed a moment. Just a moment to collect himself. Some water to splash on his face, maybe. There was a men’s room up ahead, and he ducked in, found it as empty as the hallway had been. He wanted to lock the door, but there was no lock on the entrance, so he leaned back against the door, blocking it shut in case anyone might happen by.

A deep breath should calm him down, but it didn’t. Instead, it shook his whole body, trembling, as he heaved in and out. His legs buckled under him and he sank to the floor, tears suddenly streaming down his face. What was happening to him? What was this? Why couldn’t he think? Kurt pressed his forehead to his knees, wrapped his arms around his legs in a fetal position, and against his will, he began to sob.


	5. Chapter 5

There was no reason to be upset, Kurt told himself. He was rocking lightly back and forth on the bathroom floor, somewhat uncurled from the fetal position he’d collapsed into but still with his arms around his knees. He wiped his face with the back of one hand and tried to slow his breathing down.

No reason to be upset at all. Nothing bad had happened to him. He hadn’t been forced into anything. He’d consented every single step of the way. Asked for it, even. He’d gotten really into it, more than he’d expected. And he hadn’t been physically hurt. In fact, quite the opposite. It had felt fantastically pleasurable. Blaine had been sweet and lovely and hot. Everything was good.

So why was he crying on the floor of the bathroom?

This was ridiculous, he told himself. He forced himself to stand up, walked over to the sink, splashed some water on his face. Another deep breath, and he looked at himself in the mirror. Red and splotchy from crying, tear streaks down his face, his hair mussed … pretty much what he expected to see. Nothing horrible. A somewhat messy version of himself.

Kurt stared into his eyes in the mirror. He looked the same on the outside, but who was he on the inside? Someone who has sex with strangers? Someone who lets his instincts control him? Someone who gave up on the whole idea of waiting for love?

He looked the same, but he didn’t even recognize himself anymore.

He cleaned himself up the best he could, washing his face until his skin tone was even again, running his fingers through his hair over and over again. He wanted a shower, but that was impossible until he got home. He sighed, then took one last look at himself in the mirror and left the bathroom.

All conversation stopped when Kurt walked back into the New Directions green room. Brittany smiled at him happily. “That must have been a really interesting conversation! You were out in the hallway for a long time!”

Kurt ignored her and walked to a chair. Puck held up his fist to bump, a sly grin on his face, but Kurt walked straight past without acknowledging him. He lowered himself carefully to the chair, trying to maintain whatever shreds of dignity he might have left.

Santana smirked at him. “Pretty sure you did it wrong. It’s the other guy who’s supposed to not be able to sit down.”

“You do not want to be on my shit list, Santana,” Kurt shot back. He really was not in the mood for any of this teasing. He knew they were just trying to be friendly, but he didn’t want to talk to anybody right now.

“You’re on _my_ shit list, Kurt,” Rachel said angrily. “Do you know the judges are letting the Warblers go back on stage and finish their set list? But _we_ don’t get another chance to perform. If they win and I don’t get into the performing arts college of my choice, I will never forgive you.”

“Not everything is about you, Rachel,” he spat at her. Good god, why wouldn’t everyone just leave him alone?

The lights flashed off and back on. “Okay, everyone, back to the auditorium,” Mr. Schue said. “We will be polite and we will support all the other groups. If we win this thing, it will be because we were the best, fair and square.”

Kurt sat on the aisle, next to Brittany. She was the only one who seemed not to know what had happened, and Kurt didn’t feel like he could deal with sitting next to anyone else.

The curtain went up, and he was stunned to see Blaine standing with the Warblers on stage. How could he possibly be up there singing after everything that had happened?

He was even more stunned when Blaine stepped forward for another solo. How had Blaine recovered so quickly? How did he have the strength to stand on that stage in front of this huge crowd of people, who must know what he’d been doing after he’d collapsed earlier, and backed up by his friends who _certainly_ knew what he’d been doing? How was he not as wrecked as Kurt was, or even more so?

He sounded beautiful.

_Lost sight,_   
_Couldn’t see_   
_When it was you and me._

The emotion flowing through Blaine’s voice was palpable. The words pierced straight through Kurt’s heart, and he felt even weaker than before.

_One day_   
_You will wake up_   
_With nothing but ‘you’re sorrys.’_   
_And someday,_   
_You will get back_   
_Everything you gave me._

Most of the crowd was on its feet, swaying from side to side together, but Kurt felt like he was glued to his chair.

_Blow the candles out_   
_Looks like a solo tonight_   
_But I think I’ll be all right._

When the roar of applause died down, Kurt heard Rachel hissing to Finn, “They’re going to win on the sympathy vote alone.”

\------------------------------------------

Blaine had sung his heart out. When the council had chosen that song and given the solo to him, he’d had no idea it would seem so topical when it actually came down to performing it. Surrounded by all his friends, he’d never felt so alone. He was physically healed, but emotionally, he was a wreck.

This was not how he’d imagined his first time. A stranger. An emergency. All his friends waiting outside the room, knowing exactly what was going on. Not to mention the packed auditorium full of people watching him before and after. It was mortifying. But even without the embarrassment, without the performance fiasco, Blaine’s mind kept circling back around to that other part. A stranger.

He was a hopeless romantic, he knew that. Hardly any submissives were in love their first time. Still, he never thought he had it in him to have sex with a complete stranger. But it was over now. It was done. So Blaine put on his performance face and stood up in front of the audience and sang the solo he’d practiced a hundred times but had never really felt until today.

The Warblers made the top three, as they had every single year at Sectionals since the disastrous decision in 1969 to perform “Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In” wearing nothing but their Dalton blazers.

Blaine let Wes direct him to the front row of their group on stage and stood quietly, hands folded in front of him, wishing he were anywhere else. He looked over to the New Directions standing to his right. Kurt was there, in the second row on the side farthest from him. He was staring straight ahead. Blaine couldn’t catch his eye. Kurt didn’t move an inch, not even when New Directions was announced as the winner and the rest of the group jumped up and down and hugged each other in excitement.

The groups began to mill around after the announcements were done. Kurt darted for the wings and Blaine, without really thinking it through, ran after him.

“Kurt?” he called out.

Kurt stopped and turned around. He looked smaller than he’d seemed before, Blaine thought. Less confident. His eyes no longer had the mesmerizing focus that had almost compelled Blaine to obey him. They seemed … sad.

Blaine took the last few steps to catch up with him. “You left,” he said.

Kurt looked down for a moment, then met Blaine’s eyes again. “Your friends were there … I didn’t want to intrude.”

“You didn’t … you weren’t … I …” Blaine stopped. He had no idea what he was supposed to say. He didn’t even have much idea what he wanted to say.

“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better,” Kurt said. “Your solo was amazing. Both of them, actually. You’re very talented.” Kurt’s eyes widened and his face turned red all of a sudden, and Blaine wondered why before the idea of a double meaning for ‘talented’ hit him.

Blaine felt his cheeks heating up, too. “Thank you,” he stammered. “And congratulations. I mean, on winning. The competition.” Could this possibly get any more embarrassing?

Kurt’s tongue darted out to lick his lips. It looked like a nervous tic, Blaine thought. “I hardly did anything,” Kurt said.

“You did everything,” Blaine said.

Kurt looked up at him, almost smiling. He opened his mouth to say something.

“Kurt?” a girl called out. “We’re heading down to the bus. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Kurt said, turning to look at her. “Yeah, I’m coming.” He seemed unsure, looking back over his shoulder as he walked away, but Blaine couldn’t narrow his thoughts into a coherent thing to say.

\------------------------------------------

“Hi Mom! I’ll help you get dinner ready!” Finn said much too brightly when he and Kurt entered the house.

“That’s very nice of you, Finn, but everything is already finished,” Carole said from the kitchen.

Finn strode purposefully to join her there. “Surely there is something very time-consuming that we could still do!”

Kurt groaned inwardly. His stepbrother was the most unsubtle person in the universe. As much as he needed his father’s advice, this was going to be the most awkward conversation ever.

“Kurt? Something wrong?” Burt asked from the couch. He turned to look at Kurt, then grabbed the remote control and turned off the TV. “What happened? Are you hurt? Did someone call you names or … or hit you or something?”

“No, Dad, nothing like that. Let’s just say, I found out I’m definitely a dom.” Kurt sat down across the couch from him.

Burt raised an eyebrow. “You found that out at a show choir competition? What did you do, try to order the judges to hand you the win?”

Kurt must have looked as miserable as he felt, because after a few seconds, Burt said, “Oh god, you didn’t … at a _show choir competition_?”

“Please, don’t be mad at me. The whole thing is just so … overwhelming. I couldn’t deal with you being mad at me on top of everything. You’ll probably be disappointed in me, but just don’t be mad.”

“Why don’t you tell me what happened, and I’ll do the best I can to be understanding. How’s that?”

Kurt supposed that promising not to be angry was generally futile anyway. “There was a boy in one of the other groups. He collapsed on stage during their performance. He was … he was sick. You know. A sub. He’d been hiding it for days. His friends … they came and found me because they figured I was gay. Because he was, too, and there was nobody else they knew of. They wanted me to … they wanted me to dom him. I could have said no. I should have, I guess. But I … I went. I did it. I just wanted so badly to help him, it seemed like … it seemed so important at the time. I’m sorry, Dad, I know we talked about not throwing myself around and how it means something and everything, and I believed you, I agreed with you, and then I just … with a stranger. With someone I’d never met before and probably won’t ever see again. I never thought I’d do something like that, but … somehow I did.”

His father looked stunned.

“Please say something,” Kurt said, fiddling with the seam on a couch pillow.

“Kurt, I’m ... I’m not mad. I’m not disappointed, either. There’s no reason you need to apologize to me about this. I’m concerned about you, because you sound really upset. But Kurt, I’m proud of you.”

Kurt looked up, startled. “You … what?”

“I’m proud of you, son. You stepped up when there was nobody else to help out, and you saved that boy. That was really brave of you. I don’t think I could have done something like that, for my first time. With no warning, no preparation, no time to even think about it. That’s not an easy thing to do.”

Kurt was blushing. What kind of insane world was this where his father was essentially praising him for having sex? “Dad, I … thank you, but I … it was very … unsettling. Afterwards. And during. I had all these feelings, urges, and … I kept saying things, I didn’t know where they came from, these words just came out of my mouth and … it was like it wasn’t even me.”

“That’s your dom instincts, Kurt. That’s kind of how it works. You get used to it over time, learn to control it better. But at first, yes, it does seem to come out of nowhere.”

“I guess, but … I don’t know. I just never thought it would be like this. I wanted it to be romantic and special and loving, not … this.”

Burt sighed. “I know, Kurt. The whole situation is pretty crappy. But you know, just because you did this once doesn’t mean you have to do it again. I mean, someday … when you’re ready, when you’re in love with someone. But you can wait until then. You don’t have to go sleeping around just because you did it once. You can wait as long as you like.”

Kurt nodded. “That’s true. I hadn’t really thought about … but you’re right. This doesn’t have to count, if I don’t want it to, does it?”

“Course not.” His father looked at him intently. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I’m going upstairs for a bit, shower and rest and think through some stuff. Don’t wait dinner on me, I’ll come eat something later.”

Burt nodded and clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m here, if you need to talk.”

Kurt took a deep breath and stood up.

“The other boy, Kurt?” his father asked hesitantly. “He’s okay?”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah, I talked to him after the competition was over, for a minute. He seemed … yeah.”

“I really am proud of you, Kurt. You’re a good man.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

\------------------------------------------

Blaine was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He felt so empty. There should be feelings, shouldn’t there? He should feel … well, if he’d had sex with someone who was actually his boyfriend, he’d feel loved and protected and cherished, wouldn’t he? He hoped so. How was he supposed to feel after having sex with someone he didn’t even know? Should he feel violated? Used? Normal?

He didn’t feel any of those things. He didn’t feel anything at all. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe he’d feel something later, after he’d had time to think about it.

Someone knocked on his door. “Come in,” he called out without moving.

Trent entered, balancing a tray of food precariously in one hand as he held the door with the other. “You didn’t come down to dinner. I brought you some food. Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah. Thank you. I’m just … I don’t know.” Blaine sat up. “Come on in, you can set that down on the desk. I’m not really hungry, but I might be later.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Trent asked. “We’ve always been friends. It doesn’t make any difference to me that you’re gay. If you want to talk about it, or anything, I’m here.”

Blaine laughed a little, bitterly. “It’s not that. I’m not conflicted about being gay or anything like that. Thanks, though. I appreciate your … um … support?”

“What’s upsetting you, then?” Trent perched on the desk chair, facing toward the bed.

“It’s stupid,” Blaine said. “I’m being stupid. I always hoped that I’d fall in love first. That my first time would be something special. I know that’s not how the world works, most of the time. I had this romantic ideal in my head, and I let it blind me to reality. I let it make everything worse than it had to be.”

“Stupid Disney movies giving us unrealistic expectations,” Trent said, laughing a little. “Shy little sub gets swept off his feet by courageous, beautiful dom, and they live happily ever after. They tend to skip over the sex part, though.”

“Real life is not like a Disney movie. Imagine that.” Blaine laughed with Trent. He was glad someone understood.

“It is what it is,” Trent said with a shrug. “Sex is necessary, when you’re a sub. You just do it. Love is optional. It comes later. It’s not like I’m in love with Angela. We have an arrangement. She doms a couple of other guys, too. Someday, hopefully, we’ll each fall in love with someone and move on. But for now, it works.”

“Yeah,” Blaine said. He sighed. It was so unromantic, but Trent was right, that’s the way real life was. “I guess I need to find someone like that. He made me promise. Kurt did. That I’d find someone for next time, before I get sick like that again.”

“He seems like a really nice guy.”

“Yeah,” Blaine said. “He does.”

After Blaine managed to convince Trent that he just needed some time to rest, he got up and turned on his computer. He opened up Facebook and typed in _Kurt Hummel_. It was easy to find him. He knew the name of his high school, and the profile picture of him was unmistakable. He could see a lot more of Kurt’s profile than he expected. Maybe they had a friend in common, one of the neighborhood kids from his parents’ house in Lima or something. Probably most of the kids he’d played with as a child went to McKinley, now that he thought of it.

_Noah Puckerman posted on Kurt Hummel’s Timeline 25 minutes ago:_ You need to change your orientation in the info box. ‘Unknown’ is not fooling anyone.

_Santana Lopez_ _likes this._

_Kurt Hummel:_ Go fuck yourself, Puckerman.

_Noah Puckerman likes this_.

Blaine grinned to himself and clicked on Kurt’s photos. There were a lot of pictures of him with his show choir friends. One eye-popping picture of Kurt in a unitard, doing some kind of dance backed up by two girls in leotards. Blaine surreptitiously saved it on his hard drive, then kept scrolling. Something that looked like a family event. Tickets to Wicked from when the tour had been through Columbus.

He clicked over to see Kurt’s liked pages. A lot of Broadway things. Fashion stuff. Jersey Shore. Blaine giggled. It was one of his guilty pleasures, too.

He considered adding Kurt as a friend, but it seemed too presumptuous and stalkerish. Not that looking through his profile in detail without saying anything wasn’t stalkerish, too. He clicked back on the Timeline. There was a new update.

_Kurt Hummel changed his Orientation to Dominant._

_Noah Puckerman, Santana Lopez, and 12 others like this._

Before Blaine could talk himself out of it, he clicked the Like button. Within seconds, a new notification popped up on his screen.

_Kurt Hummel added you as a friend. Confirm or ignore?_

With a huge smile on his face, Blaine clicked Confirm.


	6. Chapter 6

Blaine apologized profusely at the Warblers’ meeting on Monday after class. Everyone assured him they didn’t hold it against him, and that second place was quite respectable, especially considering the circumstances. He still felt like he’d let them down, though, no matter how nice they were being about it. He mostly listened while they planned their Christmas tour of the local nursing homes.

“One final order of business,” Wes said. He pulled a piece of paper from the inside pocket of his blazer. “Blaine. We all got together yesterday and made a list of potential doms for you.”

“You … what?” Blaine sputtered.

“At the top of the list are current Dalton students. Then, after this dividing line here, local alumni who have been known to discreetly help out in these sorts of situations. They range in age from twenty-three to thirty. After the second dividing line, people who live out of town but visit back to Columbus frequently. In the other column are the names of your fellow Warblers who are acquainted with each person and can arrange introductions.” Wes held the paper out to Blaine.

Good god, they’d been talking about his sex life behind his back. Blaine turned bright red. “I appreciate your concern, Wes, everyone, but I really … this is something I can handle on my own.”

“Obviously not,” Wes said, still holding the paper out. “Anyway, we Warblers help each other out. Go on, take it. Set up a date or two. You’ll be glad you did.”

Blaine took the paper, because Wes was clearly not going to let him out of the room until he did. He folded it up and stuffed it in his pocket.

Wes banged his gavel on the desk. “Meeting dismissed.”

Blaine was so distracted that he didn’t notice Sebastian maneuvering to be by his side as they walked out of the room. He was startled and a bit scared when he saw him there, until he realized that Sebastian was acting nothing like his normal self. His shoulders were slumped and his voice quiet, and he kept his eyes fixed on the floor.

“Do you really hate me _that much_?” Sebastian said by way of greeting.

Blaine sighed. “I don’t hate you, Sebastian.”

“Then why … you didn’t just say no. You said _red_. You sounded so scared. I knew you didn’t like me, but apparently you’d rather collapse from weakness than have sex with me? Why?”

“I don’t trust you.”

Sebastian looked up. “Well, that’s probably a fair assessment. But maybe I could find a way to earn some trust?” Some of the spark in his eyes was back, and Blaine put a few extra inches of space between them as they walked out of the room together.

“Nothing personal, but I doubt it.” Blaine said dryly.

Sebastian gave him a friendly clap on the shoulder, and Blaine suppressed his urge to jump away. “Take a good, long look at that list Wes put together for you. If you’re not happy with the losers he found, you know where to find me.” He winked, then took off down the hallway, walking backward for a few steps and pointing at Blaine before he turned around.

Trent came scurrying up to Blaine from the other direction. “Was he harassing you? I’m sorry, I should have stayed back and walked with you.”

“It’s fine,” Blaine said, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “He’s just being his regular self. Nothing to worry about. Anyway, I can handle him.”

“Can’t argue with that, I guess.”

\---------------------------------

The picture Kurt was looking at on his computer screen seemed odd. It was a photo of the Warblers on stage, and the caption was ‘Sectionals.’ But Blaine was standing in the third row, with some guy he didn’t recognize at all standing in front for the solo. And the curtain was the wrong color. Had there been some kind of lighting effect going on?

Kurt bit his lip when he figured out the answer. It was last year’s Sectionals competition, when the Warblers hadn’t been up against New Directions. He’d scrolled back an _entire year_ on Blaine’s timeline. He should stop. He was being creepy. They still hadn’t even said a word to each other, just clicked the like button on status updates back and forth a few times.

He was stalking, and he knew it. He was insane with curiosity about this boy. It probably would have been better to just let Blaine go, let him slip out of his life and fade away until he was nothing more than a distant memory. But Kurt felt like he had to know more about him, for some reason. Whether they’d get along. Whether he was a nice guy or a prep-school asshole. Who his friends were, and what his life was like.

They had one Facebook friend in common, but it was Jordyn, a Cheerio who had friended Kurt during his brief stint on the team even though they’d never exchanged more than small talk about the weather. There was no way he could ask her for information about Blaine. Kurt didn’t even know if she’d know Blaine well enough to have anything to say, given her apparently highly promiscuous Facebook friending behavior. Not that Kurt was one to talk about being promiscuous, not anymore.

Blaine seemed like a nice guy, from what Kurt could tell. He had lots of friends at Dalton, and they were always commenting on each other’s profiles with what seemed to be inside jokes. He had his hair gelled down in every single picture, but then, a lot of the Dalton boys seemed to do their hair that way. He liked reality TV and musicals and the page for Brooks Brothers, and some guy stuff like football teams and comic books. Kurt wondered whether he was really into those things, or whether he’d liked the pages in an attempt to pass as straight.

Kurt wanted to talk to him, but what would he say? Everything he came up with seemed crass, given the way they’d met. “Hi, want to hang out sometime?” What would Blaine think he was expecting? “How are you doing?” Would it be interpreted as code for ‘was it good for you’? Even commenting on one of his status updates seemed like it would be too weird. All Blaine’s friends would see it. Kurt’s friends might see it, too. They were stuck doing this ridiculous dance around each other, hitting the like button and scrolling back forever in each other’s profiles. Well, maybe Kurt was the only one doing that last bit. There was no way to know.

Kurt pushed his laptop to the back of the desk and got out his math homework.

\---------------------------------

Blaine set the list on his desk and smoothed out the creases. There were about twenty names on it, nearly half of them in the Dalton Students section. He wondered how he’d managed to be at this school for a year and a half without noticing that anyone other than Sebastian was gay. Maybe there was some kind of gaydar class he could enroll in. Or perhaps he should rethink his aversion to gossiping.

No use in delaying the inevitable, Blaine told himself. He thought over the names of the students one by one, the little bit he knew of each boy.

He started with Scott because he was the easiest one to meet. They were in French class together right before lunch. On Tuesday, instead of making a beeline for the Warblers’ table, Blaine struck up a conversation with Scott as they were leaving class, and then asked if he could sit with him and his friends at lunch. Scott seemed surprised, but said that of course Blaine was welcome to join them.

It was less than five minutes before Blaine was thinking up excuses to leave. Seriously, who makes fart jokes over lunch? Were these guys ten years old? Blaine wouldn’t have thought anyone at Dalton was _that_ un-classy. Back in his room later that night, he crossed Scott’s name off the list.

Blaine opened his laptop and pulled up Facebook again, checking Kurt’s profile for any new updates. Blaine knew he needed to stop this. Either write to him, or just let it go.

He couldn’t let it go. He opened up a blank document to start working on a message where he couldn’t accidentally click Send before he was ready.

_Dear Kurt,_

Was that too informal? He crossed out _Kurt_ and replaced it with _Sir_. No, that was ridiculous. He changed it back to _Kurt_.

Blaine drummed his fingers on the desk, looking up at the ceiling for inspiration. This was harder than he’d thought. But honestly, any version of, ‘Great sex, want to go out sometime?’ was going to be completely awkward. Fifteen minutes later, he’d managed to write a three-sentence note.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I was wondering if I could take you out for coffee sometime, to say thank you for your help last weekend. My parents actually live in Lima, and I come home on the weekends sometimes. Maybe this Saturday, if you’re free?_

Did it sound too tentative? Too presumptuous? Too casual? Was it too much like a lie to imply that he’d be visiting his parents, when really they were in London on business until a few days before Christmas? And how should he sign the note? _Sincerely_? _Best wishes_? _Thanks_? Maybe he should just leave it there, but it seemed weird to start with _Dear Kurt_ and then not sign it at the end. Maybe he should take off the _Dear Kurt_. Facebook messaging was more like an instant message anyway.

Blaine read the note over approximately a thousand times. It sounded okay. And he really needed to get started on his English essay. Before he could talk himself out of it, he copied and pasted the note into a Facebook message and hit enter.

And then he panicked, because he’d forgotten to sign it with anything, even his name.

_Blaine_ , he typed, then hit enter again.

Oh god, he was such a dork. He’d just sent a message consisting only of his name. On a thing that would pop up with his name next to it. _Blaine: Blaine_. Kurt was going to think he was an illiterate weirdo. Kurt would probably say no to coffee. Or not even reply. Or mock him for the rest of his life. Blaine was about to close his computer and go try to disappear into oblivion when a reply came through.

I’d love to.

Blaine’s heart skipped a beat.

Do you have a favorite coffee shop?

Blaine typed as fast as he could. _The Lima Bean!_

_Or somewhere else, if you don’t like that one._

_Anywhere you like. It’s not a problem._

Crap, what was wrong with him?

I’ve never been there, but I hear it’s great. 2:00 on Saturday okay?

_Yeah, perfect!_

I’ll see you there.

_Okay._

_I have to go work on my English essay now._

Okay. Good luck!

Blaine closed his browser window before he could further embarrass himself. He stood up and paced nervously around the room.

Was this a date?

\---------------------------------

It wasn’t a date, Kurt told himself. It was just meeting an acquaintance for coffee. Two people getting to know each other. He shouldn’t be this concerned with his fashion choices.

The black, knee-high, lace-up boots were a must. Nothing made him feel in control of a situation like those boots. The black skinny jeans tucked nicely into the boots, and also showed off his ass. But wait, did he want to show off his ass? And which shirt … or maybe a jacket? The black leather one with the diagonal zipper? No, that was too much black. Maybe the bright yellow one that came to mid-thigh. He tried it on. It looked like a raincoat. He hung it back in the closet. Maybe one of his form-fitting long sweaters instead. They were kind of feminine-looking, which tended to put people off if they didn’t already know him, but Blaine was gay, maybe he liked a few feminine touches. He put on the red one with the black buttons and looked at himself in the mirror.

Kurt shook his head. This was not how he felt today. It was all wrong. He didn’t want to show off his body. Blaine had seen too much of his body already.  He went back to his closet, shifting the hangers around as he looked at the clothes with new eyes.

The heavy gray wool poncho. And the orange button-down shirt with the black dots. It would be almost hidden under the poncho, except for his sleeves when he moved. Hints of color under the dull exterior. Good.

He decided to keep the boots.

\---------------------------------

Blaine looked at himself in the mirror. Red jeans, the ones that always made him feel confident. A white button-down shirt. A navy sweater vest with red and white stripes along the neckline. He checked his reflection in the mirror. It looked like he was trying to recreate a Tommy Hilfiger ad using entirely pieces that were not Tommy Hilfiger. This was all wrong.

Maybe he should just wear his Dalton uniform. But no, it was the weekend and he was supposedly visiting his parents in Lima. He couldn’t wear the uniform.

He changed out the white shirt for a gray checkered one and put the sweater vest back on. That seemed better, somehow. He added a bowtie, in the Dalton colors, to pull the outfit together. Blaine nodded at his reflection. Not bad.

He needed to get going. It was a long drive to Lima. At least that would give him time to figure out what to say.

Blaine left himself extra time in case of traffic, so he got to The Lima Bean about ten minutes early. He chose a table with a good view of the door so he would see Kurt when he walked in. He drummed his fingers on the tabletop nervously. Was this a terrible idea? Kurt might turn out to be a jerk, or scary, or completely boring. Or he could be wonderful but completely uninterested in Blaine, which would be even worse. Maybe he should sneak out of this place and drive back to Westerville while there was still time.

The door swung open and Kurt entered. He looked completely different than Blaine had expected. The last time they’d seen each other, Kurt had been wearing black pants and a shirt and tie—his performance uniform. The all-black effect had been striking, especially against his pale skin, but each item of clothing had been completely ordinary. Now, though, everything he was wearing was distinctive, in ways that shouldn’t fit together but somehow did. Blaine dressed to look pulled-together, classic but stylish. It seemed as if Kurt was expressing enough with his clothes to fill a novel, or maybe an autobiography … if only Blaine knew how to read the language.

Kurt strode purposefully over to Blaine’s table, a small smile on his face. Blaine stood up to greet him, and was surprised by Kurt holding out his hand to shake, a bright orange sleeve emerging from under his heavy gray poncho.

“I’m Kurt Hummel.”

Blaine took his hand. Kurt’s skin was beautifully soft, but his grip was firm and masculine. A thrill ran up Blaine’s spine at the contact. “Blaine Anderson. I believe we’ve met.”

They let their hands drop. “I was hoping we could start fresh,” Kurt said shyly.

Blaine couldn’t help glancing at his lips as he spoke. Those lips that had been on his mouth, on his neck, on his … no, he shouldn’t think of that. This was exactly the problem. If they wanted to get to know each other, they would need to do their best to forget what had come before.

Blaine brought his gaze back up to Kurt’s eyes. “I’d like that,” he said with a smile.


	7. Chapter 7

Blaine was possibly the most adorable person that Kurt had ever met. He almost reminded Kurt of a puppy. Eager and joyfully enthusiastic about every topic that came up in conversation, with the cutest little moments of bashfulness thrown in. Completely earnest, but also able to be silly and playful. And his eyes … like he wanted nothing more than to be loved. Eyes that were made for pleading, for begging. Eyes that, when he had knelt and looked up at Kurt, had been capable of convincing him to do absolutely anything to make Blaine happy.

Kurt was definitely not thinking about that.

Except that when they’d stood shaking hands when Kurt first walked into the coffee shop, he’d noticed that Blaine was just a smidge shorter than him. Just enough that whenever they stood face to face, Blaine’s eyes would be cast upward, his chin the slightest bit tipped up to meet Kurt’s eyes …

What were they talking about?

Comic books. Blaine apparently actually did like comic books, his eagerness for the topic of conversation persisting even despite Kurt’s light teasing.

“It’s not just kid stuff! There’s a lot of depth in the more serious ones, you’d be surprised. The comic book is a medium for telling stories, no better or worse than any other medium. It has its own strengths and weaknesses, its own conventions and tropes. And there can be crossovers into other forms, just like you can make a book into a movie. Like, the new Spiderman musical, for example.”

“Which is nothing more than a cheap spectacle, an excuse for drawing people into seats and taking their money,” Kurt said.

Blaine raised an eyebrow. “Have you seen it? Hmm? I didn’t think so.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Okay, maybe Spiderman was a bad example, but what about Watchmen? Have you read it? Have you not even heard of it? Oh my god, you _have_ to read Watchmen. It’s dark and brooding and intensely philosophical. It’s a story that really sticks with you. It would make a _fantastic_ musical, trust me on this one.”

Kurt smiled. Blaine’s enthusiasm was contagious, and the way he stood up for his opinions even in the face of a dom’s disagreement, not even pausing to question himself, was something Kurt was not used to. People rarely interacted with Kurt this way. Other doms would butt heads with him, and subs often ended up slinking away with their tails between their legs when Kurt snarked at them, but Blaine responded with his own bit of sass and a self-assured restatement of his well-considered viewpoint. Kurt  was more than intrigued.

“Anyway, it’s not like you scorn anything that’s not high-culture yourself,” Blaine said, a note of mischief in his voice. “Didn’t you mention Real Housewives a few minutes ago?”

They propelled straight into a detailed discussion of the Atlanta series, laughing happily at themselves and each other. When that ended up spiraling into a conversation about the most recent issue of Vogue, Kurt caught himself wondering whether there was anything Blaine couldn’t speak intelligently about. His opinions on fashion, while not completely in line with Kurt’s, were certainly well-informed and respectable. Kurt listened as Blaine went on a long digression about collar stays and cufflinks, miming the fastening motions with his fingers in a way that looked almost like … locking a handcuff. _I’ve seen you naked_.

Kurt was definitely not thinking about that. No, he was not watching Blaine’s shoulders and biceps as he reached out for his coffee cup, and even if he was, he certainly was not thinking about how those parts of him looked under his shirt. And he was also not thinking about Blaine’s lips when he brought the cup there and tilted it back … farther, farther back, showing off the line of his neck … no.

“Kurt?”

“What? Sorry? I got distracted.”

“I’m out of coffee. Do you mind if I go get a refill? Could I get you something, while I’m up there?”

“Oh, sure, no problem. I’m good, thanks,” Kurt said quickly.

Kurt also was not looking at Blaine’s ass as he walked to the counter. He turned away.

“So, what kind of music do you like?” Blaine asked when he sat back down. “I mean, aside from musicals.”

Blaine was the most interesting person Kurt had ever met. It was incredible how well they got along, how easily the conversation flowed between them. Before he knew it, they were talking about personal subjects, about Blaine’s parents who had hardly paid any attention to what he did even before sending him off to boarding school, and about Kurt’s mother’s death—which he never talked about, especially not with people he hardly knew—and his changing relationship with his new stepmother and stepbrother. About how Blaine came out the first time, and why he hadn’t at Dalton. About Kurt’s experiences being bullied at McKinley. About not really fitting in, no matter where you are. About having friends that were nice in their way, but didn’t really understand you. It hardly seemed like a conversation between a dom and a sub at all. Kurt could hardly imagine opening up about these thing to even the closest of his sub friends, like Finn or Mercedes.

Kurt’s eyes locked with Blaine’s. _You really understand me, don’t you?_

Was it an illusion? The way they’d met, forced into an intimacy that neither of them had expected, that one really shouldn’t share with strangers. Were they bonding now because they really liked each other, or because they’d gone through a scary experience together and felt a misplaced connection because of it? Was his mind playing tricks on him?

Kurt considered it for a long moment. He didn’t think so. He and Blaine had so much in common. They could be good friends, probably, if they hadn’t met in such a weird and embarrassing way.

Maybe they could be good friends anyway. Maybe they could find some way around the awkwardness. Life was so lonely. It seemed like such a waste to avoid someone as wonderful as Blaine just because they’d gotten in too deep, too fast.

“It’s getting late,” Kurt said, glancing at the clock in the corner of the room. They’d been talking for nearly four hours. It didn’t even seem possible. The time had flown so quickly. “I need to get home for dinner.”

“Oh yeah. Me too.” Blaine’s eyes darted away uncomfortably.

Kurt cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. “If your parents don’t mind losing you for so much of the weekend, how about getting together again tomorrow? See a movie or something?”

Blaine’s whole face lit up. “That would be great! I … I’m sure my parents won’t mind. It would have to be in the afternoon, though. I’ll need to drive back to Dalton before it’s too late at night.”

“Sure, no problem. How about we meet for lunch and then head over to the theater after that?”

“That sounds perfect. I’m … thank you. I’m really looking forward to it. It was great meeting you. Again.”

Kurt barely managed not to hug him before they walked to their separate cars.

\-----------------------------------

Walking up to the movie theater with Kurt, Blaine wondered how it was possible that they hadn’t run out of things to talk about yet. His original plan had been to drive back to Dalton in time for dinner on Saturday, but after a coffee date that had somehow lasted four full hours and ended with plans for the next day, he’d been happy to pick up fast food at a drive-through window and let himself into his parents’ empty house for the night.

At lunch, they’d picked up right where they’d left off, as if no time had passed since they’d parted. Blaine had never felt like this with anyone before. Like he was completely accepted for who he was, without the need to hide or posture or pretend. Even when Kurt disagreed with him about something, he was funny and kind and Blaine didn’t feel like he needed to run away or pretend to agree just to smooth things over. It was wonderful to be able to relax around someone this way.

And Kurt … Kurt was endlessly fascinating. There were so many depths to him, so much mystery to discover. Blaine had been talking to him for … he snuck a glance at his watch … six hours now, counting both dates together, and he felt like he’d barely scratched the surface of who Kurt was. He wanted to know everything. He was almost disappointed that they were headed into a movie theater, where they’d be forced to sit quietly. But honestly, nothing about being with Kurt could be disappointing, whether they were talking or not.

Kurt was looking up at the marquee above the theater. “What do you want to see?”

Blaine read the titles quickly. He didn’t even care what the movie was, as long as he was watching it with Kurt. He shrugged. “Whatever you want.”

Kurt turned to look at him. “But what do _you_ want?”

Kurt’s eyes moved the slightest bit back and forth, searching Blaine’s face. He was so full of concern for Blaine’s happiness, it was lovely. Blaine’s heart opened in a way that felt almost physical. He answered honestly, even though it was a leap of faith to put himself out there for Kurt. “I want to watch a movie with you. I want you to choose it.”

Kurt watched him carefully for just another moment. “All right,” he said, and then without another word he stepped forward to buy the tickets. Blaine shut his eyes for a moment in relief. It was a small thing, picking the movie, but it meant a lot to him that Kurt was willing to be in control when Blaine asked him to.

They watched a standard rom-com. It was enjoyable but forgettable, sweet and a bit sad and completely formulaic, with a bit of Christmas element in it for the season. But it didn’t matter at all what the movie was. What mattered was that Blaine was sitting here in a movie theater next to Kurt, and that meant that everything was absolutely perfect.

The movie got a bit emotional, and Blaine was a sucker for these things. He sniffled and wiped his eyes, holding himself back and trying not to let his emotions overwhelm him. Kurt noticed the movement, though, and looked at him, checking to see if he was okay. Blaine gave him a little smile in return, trying to convey that he was fine. And then Kurt put his arm on the armrest between them, palm up, still looking at him.

Blaine leapt at the invitation, placing his hand on top of Kurt’s and interlacing their fingers. Kurt reached over and put his other hand on top, enveloping Blaine’s hand entirely.

Blaine took a deep breath. He’d never felt so safe and warm and _cared for_ in his life. He rested his head on Kurt’s shoulder, and after a moment Kurt leaned into him too, his cheek brushing against the top of Blaine’s head. This was paradise, Blaine thought.

They didn’t talk about it, but after that, they were inseparable. They talked on the phone every night that week, and texted all day long. Blaine felt like he was walking on air.

Are you visiting your parents again next weekend?

_I think that could be arranged. :)_

\-----------------------------------

They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Not in a sexual sort of way, just in a needing-to-touch-all-the-time sort of way. If they weren’t actually holding hands—which they often were—their shoulders brushed against each other as they walked. Their knees bumped under tables, and their feet lined up together too. Kurt’s hand would guide Blaine at his shoulder or the small of his back when they moved up in line for coffee or tickets or to pay for their purchases at the mall. But they were two boys, and this was a small town in Ohio, and the constant stares got to be too much. So Sunday afternoon found them side by side on the couch in Kurt’s living room, reading through Blaine’s copy of Watchmen.

Kurt looked up after he finished the first chapter. “I’m sorry, is this boring, sitting here watching me read? I only meant to look at the first few pages, I didn’t realize … I got really into it. You were right.”

Blaine looked up at him happily. “No, it’s fine.” _I could sit here and watch you forever._ “I could read this book a hundred times. And I like seeing your reactions. What do you think so far?”

Kurt slipped an arm around Blaine’s waist as they talked, their thighs pressed together under the book open across their laps. By the time Burt walked in after his shift at the tire shop, they were in the middle of chapter three.

Burt stood in front of the couch, a bemused expression on his face. He looked from Kurt to Blaine and back again. “Something you want to tell me, Kurt?”

Kurt looked up. “What are you talking about? We’re reading a comic book. I know it’s not my usual fare, but is it really _that_ surprising?”

“I didn’t mean the book, Kurt.”

Kurt stared at him blankly.

“Do I have to spell it out for you? What’s going on here? Is this the same boy from before? Blaine? You dating him and you didn’t tell me?”

Kurt looked at Blaine, and then back at his father, and laughed. “No, no! I mean, yes, this is Blaine. But we’re just friends. We’re not dating.”

Blaine felt like he’d been slapped. He couldn’t breathe. They weren’t dating? The whole idea of it was laughable?

“Just friends doesn’t look like that,” Burt said in a gruff voice. “Especially guy friends. They don’t snuggle on the couch with their arms around each other.”

Kurt pulled his arm out from behind Blaine. “No, Dad, really, we’re just friends, it’s nothing.”

Blaine ripped himself away from Kurt and stood up. He had to get out of here. He had to be alone. He was going to break down any minute now and he didn’t want it to be in front of Kurt and his father, who he hadn’t even met yet. “I think I’d better be going,” he said.

Kurt stood up quickly and looked at him. “No, don’t go,” he ordered, then whipped around to look at his father again. “Look, you’ve got the whole thing wrong…” he started to say.

Blaine felt trapped, all of a sudden. Kurt had given him an order, and his need to obey Kurt all but froze his muscles, struggling against his own desire to flee. Kurt’s order felt stronger to him than an ordinary dom’s, many times stronger, and he didn’t know why. They weren’t in a claim. They weren’t even dating, apparently. Blaine felt stupid for thinking they were. His brain was moving too slowly and he couldn’t decide what to do, so he just stood there, looking at his feet, wishing he were anywhere else.

Burt took Kurt by the shoulders to stop him from talking. “Kurt. Turn around. Look what you just did.” He spun Kurt around to face Blaine.

Blaine wanted nothing more to run away. He didn’t want to be here, watching Kurt stare at him in shock and something that looked suspiciously like horror. He wanted to be at home, or back at Dalton, or at least locked in his car speeding down miles of empty freeway. Anywhere that he wouldn’t have to look at Kurt and feel this awful disappointment in the pit of his stomach.

Burt was still talking. He gestured at Blaine. “ _That_ is not what ‘just friends’ looks like. And you are acting completely irresponsibly. You gave him an order, and it looked to me like you didn’t even know you were doing it. Like you didn’t take half a second to consider how he’d respond. Didn’t even care what he wanted. That is not okay. Even if you’re just friends, you don’t speak like that to a sub. I raised you better than that.”

“I’m sorry, Blaine,” Kurt’s voice came out in a hoarse whisper. “You can go, if you want.”

“Nuh-uh-uh-uh, no,” Burt said. Blaine felt like he was being ripped apart at the seams. There were two doms here saying opposite things, plus his own desire to run away and hide, and it was too much, it was too overwhelming, he didn’t know what to do. “You do not get to do this to him and then send him away, no way, no how. You sit right back down on that couch … and you too, young man, and you don’t leave, neither of you, until you are on the same page with each other. I don’t care what page that is, but you figure it out _now_.” He paused, and then tacked on, “Sorry I had to do that, Blaine.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.” Blaine said it automatically. He was already sitting on the couch. How had that happened? Kurt’s father was a force of nature. Kurt sank down on the opposite end, leaving a wide chasm between them.

“I’m not joking around,” Burt said sternly. “Figure it out.” He stalked off into his bedroom and closed the door.

Blaine stared at Kurt, wide-eyed, as terror and shock and sadness and embarrassment coursed through his mind, leaving him in a shambles.

\-----------------------------------

Kurt tried to center himself and figure out what to say. Things had gotten terribly out of hand, and it was entirely his fault, and he had no idea how to fix it. “Blaine, I am so sorry,” he said. “I never meant to lead you on. Looking back at everything now, I see how it might have been confusing, but I didn’t think … and when I said not to go, just now, I didn’t even think of it as an order … I … oh god, where do I even start?”

“It’s okay,” Blaine said, his eyes downcast. “You never said we were dating. I didn’t really think … I shouldn’t have assumed …”

Kurt shook his head. “No, Blaine, none of this is your fault. It’s my fault. I really like you, and I want to be your friend, and I should have made it clear from the outset that I didn’t want anything more than that.”

Blaine nodded, still looking down.

“I really wish you would look at me,” Kurt said as gently as he could.

Blaine looked up, still not quite meeting Kurt’s eyes but giving him a view of his face. His eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and his face was flushed. Kurt ached with sadness, seeing Blaine this way, and especially knowing that it was his fault. He wanted to reach out and touch Blaine, hold him close, kiss his forehead and tell him that everything would be okay. Except that would be entirely inappropriate. That was exactly the kind of mixed signal he’d been sending all along. He just wanted so badly to make Blaine happy again.

“I’m so sorry, Blaine. I like you so much, and I love spending time with you, and I feel so comfortable around you … I forgot to think about what the whole thing would look like from your perspective.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine said again, but his tone was not convincing at all.

“I hope we can still be friends,” Kurt said. “You’re … really important to me. I can talk to you in a way that I can’t with anyone else. I feel like we’re well on our way to being best friends. If this doesn’t ruin everything, I mean. I’m … not lonely when I’m around you, and I don’t remember ever being not lonely before. I understand if you don’t want to be friends after this, but … god, I would miss you so much.”

Blaine nodded, but that wasn’t really an answer.

“Do you want to say something?” Kurt prompted.

“It’s just …” Blaine chewed on his bottom lip for a second. “Did I do something wrong? Am I … is it because I’m not submissive enough?”

“Oh no, no, no!” Kurt’s hands flew out toward Blaine of their own accord, and he leaning forward and grasped both of Blaine’s hands in his. They stared at each other for a second, and then Kurt let go and brought his hands back to his lap awkwardly. “Sorry,” he whispered, berating himself silently for losing control yet again.

Kurt took a deep breath. “No, Blaine, sweetheart, you didn’t do anything wrong at all. When we’re together … I mean, when we’re just hanging out together, not when … oh my god … the way we talk together, the way you stand up for yourself and don’t shy away from me, it’s not something I’m used to from subs. But I love it. I love that we can have these intense conversations and you don’t give up and shut down or agree with me on everything. And it doesn’t mean you’re not a good sub, trust me, I am well aware that you are incredible at submitting …” Kurt had to stop. He was blushing as red as a fire engine.

“What I mean to say is,” Kurt continued after a minute. “You are an excellent sub, and I love that you can be that way and still be … you. I still see the little gestures, how you like to be taken care of, the way that friends do. There’s nothing wrong with you for being strong, even around a dom. I like it. I bet there are a lot of guys who like that kind of sub.”

Blaine blinked at him. “Then what is it? Why don’t you want me? Am I … not attractive enough? Because you’re stunningly beautiful, and I guess you could have any guy you wanted and I’m just …”

Kurt almost laughed. He’d never thought of himself as beautiful. If anyone had asked, he’d have said that someone as hot as Blaine was way out of his league. “It’s not that at all. You’re drop-dead gorgeous, Blaine. If I were looking for a boyfriend, you are everything I would want. You’re absolutely amazing.”

Blaine was still looking at him questioningly, so Kurt continued. “I’m not looking for that kind of relationship. With anyone. I can’t be someone’s dom. I’m arrogant and self-centered and I have no clue what I’m doing. The idea of being responsible for someone like that terrifies me. I’d mess everything up. I already have, I mean, just look at what happened here.” He sighed. “You deserve to be with someone who isn’t going to make mistakes constantly. I can’t offer you what you need. I’m just not ready. I’m sorry.”

Blaine met his eyes for the first time. “Okay. It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.” His voice broke just the tiniest bit.

“It’s not okay,” Kurt said. “I messed up, and I led you on, and I hurt you, and I feel awful about it. I should have recognized that with me being a dom, and you a sub, and with this … history that we have … that I should have been more careful about how I was acting … and about what I said. I am really truly sorry about everything, and I wish there was some way I could make it up to you.”

“You … could you hold my hand?” Blaine looked at him hopefully.

Kurt wrung his hands together in his lap, trying not to instantly reach out for him. The pull to help comfort Blaine was incredibly strong. “Isn’t that what got us into this mess in the first place?”

“Well, but now I know that it’s just friends. And I like holding your hand. It helps me feel better. Feel connected to someone. So now that I know we’re friends, I think I can just enjoy it for what it is. Without any expectations.”

Kurt smiled and held out his hands. Blaine took them, a small smile on his face, too.

“Kurt?”

“Hmm?”

“I forgive you.”

The words sounded unusual in Kurt’s ears. It was a formulaic response to an apology, wasn’t it? Not particularly meaningful. But it’s not a thing people often say. One person apologizes, and the other brushes it off with _it’s okay_ or _don’t worry about it_ or _no problem_. But those responses pretend the hurt never happened. _I forgive you_ is something different, Kurt realized. It acknowledges the hurt and accepts that the other person wants to change. It means adding up the good and the bad and seeing that the good is worth preserving. It’s a statement of hope, not denial.

Kurt pulled Blaine into a hug. “Thank you. That means so much to me. I’ll do everything I can to be a good friend.”

“Me too,” Blaine murmured into his shoulder.


	8. Chapter 8

Blaine felt like the biggest fool in the universe. He’d gotten caught up in the stupid idea of a fairy tale romance not once, but twice in a row. He’d been waiting for a dom to sweep him off his feet before his first Sickness. And then when that hadn’t happened, he’d thought he could convince the random guy who had happened by and helped him to fall in love with him. He was an idiot. Maybe he’d fall in love in college, or in his twenties, or at least by the time he was thirty, though that felt very far away. But nobody falls in love in high school. Not for real.

He wasn’t in love with Kurt, he told himself. He was just infatuated after having sex with him. It was laughably common, and he should have seen it coming. The intimacy of submitting to a person, being vulnerable in front of him, being naked with him and trusting your body to him … of course it created an emotional attachment. A misplaced emotional attachment. Something that he had learned all about in sex ed class and promptly forgotten, thinking that he would never be so stupid. That it would never apply to him, because he’d be in love before he ever even had sex.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. It was like Trent had said. Sex was necessary, and it didn’t have to be romantic. He needed to find someone, enter into an informal arrangement, and not get caught up in stupid, inappropriate feelings.

It didn’t help that Kurt was so unfailingly sweet. He’d called Blaine last night, after their big … Blaine wasn’t sure what to call it … not a fight. Disagreement. Talk. Whatever. Kurt had wanted to make sure Blaine was okay. He was his charming self, doing everything he could to help Blaine feel better, unaware that every nice thing he said made Blaine feel worse about the whole thing.

Blaine opened the bottom drawer of his desk and pulled out the folded paper he’d stashed there. He’d hoped to be able to forget about it entirely, but now was the time to face reality. He unfolded it and laid it down on the desk, smoothing out the wrinkles with one hand. There was an alumni networking reception on Thursday, right before Christmas break, and the men Wes had listed in the “local alumni” section were sure to be there. He read over the list, memorizing their names so he could recognize them by their name badges at the event.

Just an arrangement. It didn’t have to be true love.

\----------------------------------

Blaine needn’t have bothered memorizing the names. His fellow Warblers were the ultimate unwanted wingmen. Wes grabbed him by the arm as soon as he walked into the reception on Thursday evening and walked him straight over to a tall, dark-haired man wearing a gray suit.

“Blaine, this is Baxter Cody, Dalton class of 2003. He recently made partner at my father’s law firm. Baxter, this is my dear friend Blaine Anderson. I’ve just been telling him about how you will sometimes _help young Dalton men out_ _in certain situations_.”

Blaine turned bright red at Wes’s completely non-veiled innuendo. He shook the hand that the man offered. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Cody.”

“Likewise,” Baxter said, looking Blaine up and down.

Wes clapped his hands together delightedly. “I’ll let you two get to know each other,” he said, darting off to the drinks table.

Baxter took a sip of his drink and winked at Blaine. “Wes is a nice boy, but not subtle at all.”

“He’s a good friend. Just trying to help out.” Blaine twisted his hands together in front of him. He hadn’t even had time to pick up a glass of soda to hide behind.

“Indeed. Listen, Blaine, I’m happy to _help out_ , as it were. Especially for a good-looking boy like you. I’m sure you have a lot of options, so I’ll sweeten the pot. I’m in charge of intern hiring at the firm. If you’re a good boy, there might be a summer job in it for you as a reward.”

Blaine was appalled. Rewards were cuddles and kisses and praise, not jobs or, god forbid, cash. This was the sleaziest thing he had ever heard, and it was delivered with a gleaming smile as if nothing were amiss.

“That’s an interesting offer, Mr. Cody. I … see an old friend over there across the room that I really must catch up with. If you’ll excuse me.”

“Of course.”

Blaine fled as fast as he could into the thick of the crowd. Once he caught his breath, he looked around and happened to notice a familiar nametag. Before really thinking about it, he introduced himself, and within seconds, he was trapped in an excruciatingly disturbing discussion about avian taxidermy. He couldn’t get a word in edgewise, not even to make his apologies and leave.

Sebastian appeared by his side like magic. “Pardon me, Mr. Madding, but my dear friend has not even gotten a drink yet tonight, and he’s looking a bit tired. I’m going to escort him over to the bar to get a coke, before he has to cut the evening short.”

“Thank you for that,” Blaine said after they were out of earshot.

“I got stuck talking to him at last month’s reception. It was miserable. Couldn’t let you sit through that torture.” Sebastian walked up to the bartender. “Glass of coke for my friend, and a cranberry juice for me. And how about putting a splash of vodka in mine, honey?” He winked at the woman.

She snorted at him, obviously underage in his Dalton uniform, and handed him a glass of plain cranberry juice.

Blaine rolled his eyes. “You’re kind of a douche, you know that?”

Sebastian scoffed. “Come on, tell me you don’t love it.”

“I don’t love it.”

“See? You’re already obeying my every command.”

Blaine tried to hide his grin by taking a sip of coke, but Sebastian’s smile told him he’d seen.

“Come on,” Sebastian said. “I’ll introduce you to Jack.”

Jack had been Sebastian’s tennis coach at the country club when he was a kid. He was Dalton class of 2007 and was so tanned, even in the middle of winter, that Blaine thought he must live in California, not Ohio. He was muscled and blonde and had the cutest nose Blaine had ever seen. He was so enthralled, staring at the guy, that he barely heard Sebastian say straight-out, “Blaine’s looking for a dom.”

Blaine almost spat out his drink, and ended up coughing horribly.

“You all right there, kid?” Jack asked.

“Yes, sir. Sorry about that, I must have swallowed wrong.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Better work on that. Swallowing is a good skill for a sub to have.”

Blaine tried not to think about what his face must look like right now, because it certainly was nothing like polite.

“Oh god, don’t tell me you’re the blushing virgin type,” Jack said. “Sebastian, why are you wasting my time with this? I bet he won’t even take it up the ass.” He turned back to Blaine. “Will you?”

“I … um … I have to go.”

Back upstairs in his room, Blaine crossed three names off the list.

\----------------------------------

Kurt told himself that he called Blaine every night because he was concerned. He felt guilty about leaving Blaine in a bad place. He wanted to make sure Blaine wasn’t taking it too hard.

All that was true. But really he called Blaine every night because he liked talking to Blaine. His biggest fear after what had happened was that he’d lose Blaine’s friendship. Kurt wanted to make it clear, through his actions and not just his words, that Blaine was still entirely welcome in his life.

So Kurt called on Sunday and reassured him. And then he called on Monday, and he sounded a bit better. Tuesday and Wednesday were practically back to normal. But on Thursday, Blaine sounded sad again.

“Is something wrong?” Kurt asked.

“I’m just tired,” Blaine said. He did sound weary, but Kurt wasn’t convinced.

“If something is bothering you, I’m always happy to talk. Or just listen. Or help, with whatever.” If only they were in the same room together. If Kurt could reach out and hold Blaine’s hand, or touch his shoulder gently, to reassure him that he was serious about this … but they weren’t.

“It’s really nothing. I had to go to this alumni party thing and it was crowded and I talked to a bunch of people, and I’m just tired.”

“Should I let you go to bed, then?”

“No … let’s talk a little bit longer, if that’s okay,” Blaine said shyly. “You always help me feel better. Calmer.”

Kurt smiled, even though Blaine couldn’t see it. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“I’m going home tomorrow night. Christmas break, two weeks. Will you be around?”

“Yes …” Kurt hesitated, trying to phrase his question in a way that would leave plenty of room for Blaine to say no. “Would you like to get together sometime over the break, or will you be busy with family stuff?”

“Oh, I definitely want to see you,” Blaine said, his voice eager. Kurt relaxed a bit. “I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping. Could we go to the mall together on Saturday, maybe?”

Kurt groaned. “It’s going to be impossibly crowded the weekend before Christmas. Could you wait until Monday?”

“Sure … but maybe we could get together on Saturday and do something else?”

Kurt felt light all over. He’d been so worried that Blaine wouldn’t want to see him much, or at all, but here they were setting up two times to get together already.

“I’d love that.”

When they saw each other again, they fell right back into the way they’d been acting before. It wasn’t by anyone’s design, but they ended up seeing each other every single day. It just felt right, even knowing they were nothing more than friends. But it meant that they were constantly having to tell other people that they weren’t dating.

It began on Saturday right after lunch, when they settled on the couch at Kurt’s house to watch A Muppet Christmas Carol. Kurt tried not to be annoyed when Finn plopped down in the armchair five minutes into the movie. They were just friends hanging out and watching a movie together. Why shouldn’t Finn join them?

Somehow Finn’s presence didn’t stop them from scooting closer together, then joining hands, then leaning against each other with Blaine’s head on Kurt’s shoulder and Kurt’s other hand softly stroking the hair at the base of Blaine’s neck. It had happened so gradually, so naturally, that Kurt hadn’t even realized it until he noticed Finn was staring at them.

“What?” Kurt asked, defensive.

“Nothing,” Finn said quickly. “I’m just not used to it.”

Kurt narrowed his eyes. “Not used to what?”

“Like, I know you’re gay, man, and I’m good with that. I’ve just never seen you be gay _with someone_ before.”

Kurt glared at him coldly. Finn nonetheless seemed not to understand that he’d said anything objectionable.

“Don’t worry, little brother,” Finn said in a friendly tone. “I’ll get used to it. I’m really happy you got a boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Kurt said.

“We’re just friends,” Blaine said at the same time.

“Whatever dudes. Boyfriends or not, you’re still being totally gay all over that couch.” He quickly added, “And that’s awesome! Yay team gay!”

Kurt gritted his teeth. “Finn, I think you’d better leave now.”

Finn flashed a thumbs-up. “Right, gotcha, bro.” He headed upstairs to his room.

“I’m so sorry about that,” Kurt said. “Finn’s heart is in the right place, but he’s completely clueless.”

Blaine laughed and snuggled closer into Kurt. “Don’t worry about it. My brother is pretty awful, too.”

Kurt found out he wasn’t kidding a few days later, when they were in Blaine’s room poring over his iTunes library to pick a duet to sing at the New Directions Christmas party. Blaine was sitting in his desk chair, with Kurt standing behind him, his hands on Blaine’s shoulders and his chin resting on the top of Blaine’s head as they stared at the laptop screen together. The door was cracked open, and Cooper walked right in without knocking.

“Hey Blaine—” Cooper cut himself off. Kurt took a step back and he and Blaine both spun around. “Oh sorry, I didn’t realize there was anyone else here. This your boyfriend?”

“No, no, we’re just friends,” Blaine said quickly. “This is my friend, Kurt. Kurt, this is my brother, Cooper.”

Cooper eyed them suspiciously. “Hmm, well, you’d better get a move on, finding a boyfriend. You’re sixteen already, your first Sickness could start any day now. You want to be ready, don’t you?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow at that, but he supposed there was no reason Blaine shouldn’t keep what had happened private, especially if he wasn’t on the greatest terms with his brother.

“I could be a dom,” Blaine said through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, good point,” Cooper said. “Hey, could you get me a beer from downstairs?”

“Sure,” Blaine said. He hopped up from his chair and trotted out of the room before Kurt could say a word.

Cooper stepped in closer. “Look here, Kurt. You treat my little brother badly, I’ll make you wish you were never born. Got it?”

“We’re just friends,” Kurt stammered.

“Yeah, not for long.”

“No, really, we’re just—”

Blaine reappeared with a bottle of beer, which he’d even opened for Cooper. “Here you go!”

“Thanks, kid.” Cooper took a swig from the bottle. “Yeah, you’re definitely going to be a dom. What was I thinking?” He winked at Blaine and left the room.

Blaine sank into his chair. “God dammit, I wish he would stop doing things like that. It’s just habit for me now, he’s been bossing me around since I was a little kid. Kurt? Why are you laughing? What’s so funny? Kurt? Okay, try to remember how to breathe. Please. Breathe.”

The next day, a clerk at the jewelry counter where Blaine was trying to pick out a pair of earrings for his mother made the same mistake. While Blaine was talking with one saleswoman, another one motioned Kurt away. She whispered to him in a conspiratorial tone. “Interested in looking at the selection of leather cuffs? Christmas is a lovely time to make it official!”

“We’re just friends,” Kurt said automatically. But that didn’t stop him from casting an appreciative eye at the racks of leather bands in all different designs. Fashion was fashion.

Santana and Puck were insufferable at the Christmas party, too. “Wanky,” Santana said after the applause from their duet died down.

“Just friends, Santana,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

Puck threw an arm around Kurt’s shoulders and drew him aside. “Dude, if you are not hitting that at every possible opportunity, you are doing something wrong.”

“Thanks for your sage advice, Puck,” Kurt said sarcastically.

“Puckerman!” Lauren called from across the room. “Hands off!”

Seriously, what was wrong with people, Kurt thought, watching Blaine laugh with Rachel’s dads at her small New Year’s Eve gathering a week later. Did they not understand that two gay guys could be friends without sleeping together? Perverts.

It was near midnight, so he walked to Blaine and put his arm around his friend’s waist for the countdown. At the stroke of midnight, he kissed Blaine on the cheek. “I’m so glad we’re friends.”

“Me too,” Blaine said, snuggling his face in against Kurt’s neck. If there was a drop of sadness in his voice, it was almost impossible to notice.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please don't assume that I agree with everything Kurt says about doms and subs and strength and weakness in this chapter. He's got some things to work through and figure out in the upcoming chapters.

Kurt had been curious about it for weeks. Pondering the possibilities, the options, the potential outcomes. He wasn’t sure whether Blaine would let him break down what might be a kind of barrier or mask for him, a source of control over himself. But on the last day before the end of Christmas break, he finally decided he could at least ask.

“Can I style your hair?”

“Why?”

“I’ve always wondered what it would look like without all the gel,” Kurt admitted.

“Okay.” Blaine seemed happy to agree.

Kurt moved the chair from his vanity so Blaine could sit with his back to the sink. He ran the water until it was warm, while Blaine took his sweater vest and button-down off, leaving only a thin white t-shirt. Kurt tried not to watch too closely, but the act of removing clothing brought back some memories he’d been trying hard to suppress. And to top it off, Blaine’s arms were really quite distracting. Kurt turned away, busying himself by gathering shampoo and conditioner and styling products from the shower and the cabinets, sorting out which ones he wanted to try.

Blaine leaned back in the chair and Kurt guided his head under the faucet. He squeezed some shampoo into his hand and started to rub it into Blaine’s hair.

Kurt had done Rachel’s hair at least half a dozen times. He’d done Mercedes’s twice, and Brittany’s, and Tina’s, and had made one disastrous attempt at Finn’s. But none of those had felt like this. He was hyper-aware of every sensation—the water flowing over his hands, the slippery suds building up, the friction of his fingers against Blaine’s scalp, the soft hair under his fingertips as the gel washed away. It was far more intimate than he’d expected.

“Why do you keep it gelled down all the time?” Kurt asked, trying to distract himself with conversation.

“It’s so curly, it’s just a mess if I don’t. I like it to be controlled. It makes me feel … put together, I guess.”

“You don’t have to plaster it to your head to control it,” Kurt said. “That’s like saying you’re not restrained unless you’re tied down. And I mean, yeah, that’s one way to restrain someone, but it’s much more interesting to do it with just a command. Like when I told you not to move your hands, when we were …”

Kurt stopped moving for a second. How had his thoughts run away with him like that? They’d been spending all this time together for more than a month, and they hadn’t once talked about the time they’d had sex. They’d hardly even alluded to it. Blaine seemed not to want to discuss it, and Kurt was more than happy not to have to rehash the whole thing.

“I don’t remember that,” Blaine said softly.

Kurt was stunned. He forced his hands to move again, massaging the shampoo into Blaine’s hair. “You don’t remember?”

“No, I … I was so out of it. I hardly remember it at all. Just … vague impressions.”

“Oh god, Blaine …” Kurt couldn’t decide whether that made everything worse or better. He’d spent a lot of time trying to forget. But the idea of actually not being able to remember it, while still knowing that it had happened … that was terrifying. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Blaine said. “It’s my fault, for waiting so long.”

“Still. It’s … I don’t even know what to say. Here … tilt your head back.” Kurt guided the water over Blaine’s hair, rinsing out the shampoo.

“It’s okay. I remember the feelings, mostly. That I felt … safe and cared for, and … pleasure. I don’t remember what happened specifically, but … I don’t know. It’s not so bad.”

Kurt shut off the water and reached for a towel. “Sit up, careful, try not to drip all over the place.” He stood beside Blaine and arranged the towel on his hair, pressing out some of the excess water. “Blaine, I’m just … I’m so sorry. It must have been awful for you.”

“No, it wasn’t, it …” Blaine looked up at him. “It was a bad situation, but it was entirely my fault, not yours. You were the only good thing about that whole awful mess. You were so … gentle and … confident and … caring. Not many guys are like that. I’m … so glad it was you, Kurt. I didn’t even know how lucky I was.”

Kurt had to look away. He hid his reaction, arranging the towel on the rack much more slowly than necessary. It was hard to hear Blaine’s praise and gratitude, knowing how many mistakes he’d made that Blaine had completely forgotten. He’d been so scared, and Blaine was saying he’d been confident. He’d been so out of control, and Blaine was saying he’d been caring. He had no idea how to respond.

He turned back and grabbed the bottle of leave-in conditioner. He popped the cap open and squeezed a bit of the product onto his fingers. “It’s sweet of you to say that, Blaine. But really, you could have had someone so much better. Next time you’ll have someone better.”

“No, I—” Blaine started to say, but he stopped when Kurt carded his fingers through his hair. “Oh, that feels nice,” he murmured.

The urge came over Kurt so suddenly, his right hand in Blaine’s slightly moist hair as the curls began to dry and pop out. He wanted to grab, to make a fist and pull Blaine’s head back. Expose his neck and lean down into him and just _take_ … his mouth, his jaw, his neck … cover him in owning kisses, leave marks that he’d see the next day and know that it was Kurt who left them there, and …

No, he couldn’t. Kurt pulled his hand away and stepped back, his eyes wide. He brought both hands up automatically, covering his mouth as if that would prevent him from being able to kiss. He couldn’t breathe. There wasn’t enough air. He needed more air.

“Kurt? What’s the matter?” Blaine asked worriedly.

“I … nothing, I … I have to go.” Kurt turned and fled out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Except there was nowhere to go. He was in his bedroom, and he couldn’t just run out of the house, or even downstairs, and leave Blaine here alone. Kurt walked to the other side of the room and leaned his forehead against the wall, breathing deeply and letting the coldness of the outer wall seep into his skin, until he heard the bathroom door open.

“Kurt?” Blaine said tentatively. “Please, won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

Kurt turned around and looked at him, and immediately regretted it. He was so hot, standing there in his jeans and white t-shirt, barefoot, with his dark curls bouncing at every slight movement. It all came flooding back into Kurt. The desire, the urge to take, the tightness in his chest that made it hard to breathe, hard to even think. He knew he shouldn’t tell Blaine, but his defenses were gone and so he answered. “I wanted to kiss you. Just now. I wanted it so badly that I had to … leave and get some space or else I would have just done it. I’m sorry.”

Blaine’s expression relaxed. His eyes flicked to Kurt’s mouth, and then back up to his eyes. “You could, you know,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t mind. I’d … really like it, actually.”

“No, I can’t, I …”

“I know you don’t want a serious relationship. And that’s fine. But we could just … fool around … like you do with other guys. Just for fun.”

Kurt blinked in confusion. “I don’t … with other guys. Why would you think that?”

“I … you were so good,” Blaine stammered. “When we were together. I thought you must have … had a lot of experience … and if you don’t want to be in a relationship, then you must have been …”

“Blaine, I was a virgin before I came to you. I’d never even kissed a guy before.” Kurt held his breath. Had he really just said that out loud? He’d never wanted Blaine to know how scared and unsure he’d been that day.

\-----------------------------

“Oh my god, Kurt…” Blaine didn’t think his legs could support him much longer. Everything felt unstable, as if the world had suddenly tipped at an angle under his feet. He swayed from side to side. “I’m so sorry, Kurt. I had no idea.” He walked shakily to the bed and sat down.

Kurt shook his head. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I ruined your first time.”

“No, you didn’t.” Kurt walked over and sat on the bed next to him. “It wasn’t … what I’d imagined. But you didn’t make me do anything. I did it of my own accord. I chose to do it. I didn’t have to.”

Blaine shook his head. “You didn’t want to, did you?”

Kurt looked down at his hands in his lap. “No,” he said softly. “I didn’t feel ready at all. And I never in a million years thought I would ever have sex with a stranger. I’m not that kind of person, I’m a silly romantic. But I saw you and … I couldn’t say no. I couldn’t leave you to suffer. You looked so scared and I … felt like had to help you. When I looked at you, I even wanted to. Or, I thought I did. I don’t know.”

“Kurt…”

“It’s okay. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

Kurt looked at him, finally. He blinked a few times, his breathing shallow. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you this. I was your dom and I should keep the … illusion of confidence, even if it’s not real. I don’t mean to ruin everything for you, I’m so sorry, I can’t do anything right, I’m just … oh god, Blaine, I’m so sorry.” A tear ran down his cheek and he wiped it away.

“Kurt, you … you’re not ruining anything, I promise. I’m so glad you feel like you can talk about this with me.” Blaine reached out and took Kurt’s hand. “I think you’re the bravest and the most generous person I’ve ever met. You must have been so scared … and to do this for me … when you didn’t even know me … I had no idea how much you were giving up, to help me like that. I think you’re amazing.”

Kurt shook his head. “I don’t even know why I thought I could do it. I made so many mistakes. I messed everything up.”

“No, you didn’t. You were perfect. You were everything that I ever could have asked for, and more.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Blaine …”

Blaine squeezed Kurt’s hand. “I can never thank you enough. You saved me, and you made me feel so safe and … and … happy.” _And loved_ , Blaine wanted to add, but he held it back.

“Blaine ...” Tears were streaming down Kurt’s face now, and he let out a strangled sob.

Blaine reached out for Kurt and pulled him close. It felt odd, comforting a dom this way, but he figured that everyone likes to be held while they cry, dom or sub. Anyway, Kurt was one of his closest friends, maybe his best friend, and he was going to do everything he could for him. Kurt let his forehead fall on Blaine’s shoulder, and he sobbed while Blaine rubbed his back.

Blaine ached with the need to help Kurt. It was his fault Kurt’s confidence was shot. He was the one who had forced Kurt into having sex before he was ready. Everyone talks about the emotional damage a dom can cause when he ignores a sub’s limits, but Blaine supposed it must be the same when a dom’s limits are broken down, too.

Kurt wanted him, Blaine realized with a start. Kurt had said it, that he’d wanted to grab Blaine and kiss him. And he was afraid to, even when Blaine made it perfectly clear that it was welcome. He was hiding from his own instincts, scared of his own desires. There had to be a way to help him heal from this. Blaine closed his eyes and leaned his head against Kurt’s, thinking and comforting.

\-----------------------------

What kind of a pathetic dom was he, crying into the shoulder of someone he had dommed? Kurt berated himself silently, trying to pull himself together. It felt so comforting, letting Blaine reassure him, but it was the most childish thing he could possibly imagine. He had assured Blaine that he’d take care of him, be the one in charge, be strong for him. Even if that wasn’t an ongoing relationship, this display of weakness was incredibly embarrassing. It undercut everything that had gone before. He was a sorry excuse for a human being. Blaine would probably never want to speak to him again.

Kurt took a shaky breath and managed to stop crying. He pulled himself away and sat up straight again. “I’m sorry, Blaine. I shouldn’t act like this, not in front of you.”

Blaine slid off the bed and dropped to his knees, facing Kurt.

Kurt stared at him, open-mouthed. “What are you doing?” he asked when he finally recovered his senses.

“Please let me help you,” Blaine said, looking up at him with those pleading, soulful eyes. “You lost your confidence because of me. Please let me help you get it back.”

“I don’t understand,” Kurt said.

“You don’t think you can dom someone. I know you can. You can … practice on me. Still just friends, but … you could kiss me or … whatever you feel comfortable with. Little orders. As slow as you like. Whatever you’d like to try. I don’t expect anything. I’m not asking you for anything. I’m just offering … I trust you, even if you don’t trust yourself.”

Blaine was still looking up at him. Patient, calm, serious … and absolutely fucking gorgeous on his knees. Kurt’s breath caught in his throat at the thought of what Blaine was offering. He could kiss him … run his fingers through that hair and pull … bite … order him to stillness and silence and explore his body … take anything he wanted. A chill ran through him.

“Come back up here,” Kurt ordered. “Sit on the bed.”

Blaine followed his order without a word, and Kurt’s heart skipped a beat from that alone.

Kurt couldn’t believe he was even contemplating this. It seemed insane. And yet he wanted Blaine so badly, and Blaine was right, he was afraid because of getting in over his head. If he could start over and take it slowly … it might work. He tried to think about how it would make him feel, but he couldn’t. All he could think about was the fact that nothing but his own fear was stopping him from kissing Blaine’s gorgeous red lips right now.

“You still want me, even though I’m a complete mess?” Kurt said.

“You’re not a mess,” Blaine said.

“Don’t contradict me.” There was steel in Kurt’s voice, and he jumped at hearing it come out of his own mouth.

“No, Sir. I’m sorry, Sir.” Kurt saw Blaine suppressing a smile, and he wondered fleetingly whether Blaine had contradicted him on purpose just to get this reaction.

“Here are the rules,” Kurt said as authoritatively as he could. “All clothes stay on. No hands under clothes. No hands below the waist. And, there’s no way it’s getting this far, but just in case, don’t come. Nobody comes. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” Blaine breathed.

“And we are just friends.”

“Of course.”

\-----------------------------

Blaine had no memory of their first kiss, but he would remember every detail of this one. It began with Kurt’s hand firmly on the back of Blaine’s head, fingers combed sideways through his hair. He pulled Blaine toward him and then their lips met, slightly open, much more gently than Blaine expected from the strength of Kurt’s hand. Kurt leaned in and deepened the kiss, curling his fingers to tangle in Blaine’s hair, and Blaine moaned softly at the hint of Kurt’s well-manicured fingernails against his scalp. He let Kurt’s lips guide his mouth wider and then Kurt’s tongue was tracing along the inside of his upper lip and it was bliss, all of it, incredible.

Kurt pulled away, sucking on his bottom lip for just a second before their lips parted. He put hardly more than an inch of space between them, so that they were still breathing each other’s air. They were silent, but Kurt’s eyes asked the question. _Is this okay?_ Blaine smiled peacefully, not wanting to destroy the moment with words.

Kurt leaned into him again, moving his hands to Blaine’s shoulders and guiding him to lie down on the bed. Watching Kurt’s face above him, expressions flitting between desire and care and surprised wonder, Blaine felt happier than he had in a very long time. When Kurt kissed him again, he let himself float away into subspace, not so much that he’d forget, but just enough.

\-----------------------------

It was exactly the same, and yet completely different. Kurt had done this before, exactly this. Blaine lying beneath him, Kurt sitting to the side and leaning down on top of him, their lips moving together. The sensations, the taste, the warmth were exactly as he remembered. The feeling of confidence that flooded into Kurt as Blaine allowed him to kiss and touch and nibble gently … it was all familiar.

But it felt so much safer than the last time. Blaine was fully clothed … well, at least in jeans and a t-shirt, if not his long sleeves. And most importantly, there was no need to go any further than just kissing. In fact, there was no _chance_ of doing anything more. Kurt had made that very clear by setting the limits of their interaction. The knowledge that he was in charge of this entire thing and that nothing would happen beyond what Kurt wanted … it allowed him to relax and enjoy himself.

And god, was it enjoyable. Kissing Blaine was amazing. He felt it through his whole body, his skin tingling with every touch, his breath quick, his heart pounding in his chest. Blaine made the softest of noises under him, gasps and whimpers and happy sighs, allowing Kurt everything he wanted to try. Kurt indulged in all the skin he could reach, kissing Blaine’s jawline and neck, his arms, the back of his hands and his fingers, his mouth again and again and again. Blaine didn’t say a word, but his whole body, all of his motions and sounds and his beautiful eyes, seemed to call out _yes, yes, yes_. And though Kurt didn’t speak either, Blaine easily read the press of his hands and the angles of his body, complying perfectly with Kurt’s every desire.

Kurt finally slowed the pace of his kisses and then moved to the side, lying on the bed and facing Blaine. “Come back to me, sweetheart,” he said softly, caressing Blaine’s face.

Blaine turned his head to face Kurt. He blinked a few times, his eyes slowly focusing in on Kurt, and then he smiled. “Mmmm, I’m here.”

“You were so good for me, sweetheart. Thank you for doing this for me.”

Blaine sounded shy. “It was nice. I liked it.”

“I’m so glad,” Kurt said, soft and gentle. “Would you like to stay here and cuddle with me for a little while?”

Blaine’s smile broadened. “Yes, please,” he said. He rolled to the side, facing away, and scooted back to spoon into Kurt behind him.

Kurt laughed a little and put his arms around Blaine. “You’re wonderful, really.”

Blaine made a happy noise in his throat and let his head fall back. They’d cuddled like this before, but not often. It felt familiar and safe and joyful all at once, his body wrapped around Blaine’s, their chests rising and falling together as their breath found a joint rhythm. It was peaceful, soothing. Kurt thought he could easily fall asleep here, but he made sure to keep himself awake. He had too much to think about, anyway.

Kurt still couldn’t believe that Blaine was willing to submit to him, even this little bit. After all the mistakes he’d made, and after all the weakness he’d shown, Blaine was still acting like Kurt had the strength to take care of him. It made Kurt’s head spin, knowing that Blaine trusted him and wanted him like this. That Blaine was willing to do all of this for him. He didn’t feel like he deserved it at all.

“Kurt?”

“Hmm?”

“Next time, do you think you could give me some orders? I really like it when you tell me things to do.”

Kurt couldn’t believe there was actually going to be a next time. “Sure, I think I could try that.” He pressed a kiss to the back of Blaine’s head. “Blaine, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Thank you so much.”

Blaine cuddled deeper into him with a happy sigh.


	10. Chapter 10

“Come in,” Blaine called without thinking.

The door to his dorm room swung open, and Sebastian entered. Blaine groaned internally, wishing he’d pretended not to be in his room. Sebastian sat down on the armchair in the corner of the room without being invited, lounging there as if he owned the place. “You’re a hard man to catch. I’ve been trying to talk to you alone for days.”

Blaine folded his arms across his chest. “Maybe I didn’t want to talk to you. Did that cross your mind?”

“Perhaps. But you’ve got nothing to worry about. I came to apologize.”

That caught Blaine’s attention, because it was so unexpected. “For what?”

“For the way Jack acted, at the Christmas party. I didn’t know he would be so rude to you. It was unnecessary.”

Blaine paused, trying to find the ulterior motive. “Thank you,” he said hesitantly, dropping his hands to his lap. “I actually met a lot of jerks at that party. He wasn’t the worst.”

“It almost makes me look good in comparison, doesn’t it.” Sebastian winked at him.

Ah, there was the ulterior motive. Blaine snorted. “Almost. Not quite.”

“Well, it’s like they say. All the good ones are taken. Oh, that reminds me. My cousin Edward, he’s on the list Wes gave you. He’s not available anymore. I found out over break that he’s in a claim now.”

Blaine sighed. Not that any relative of Sebastian’s would have been his first choice, but it meant one fewer option on an already short list of options. And he felt a little twinge of jealousy, hearing about someone entering the kind of exclusive claim that he longed for but was not about to get anytime soon.

“Oh, well, good for him,” Blaine said halfheartedly. “I’d better cross him off the list before I forget.” He pulled the list out of a desk drawer and crossed off Edward Smythe, along with his classmate Travis, who had come back from Christmas break with a cuff on his wrist as well.

Sebastian stood up and walked to the desk, looking at the list over Blaine’s shoulder. “Not many choices there,” he said dryly.

“Still plenty left,” Blaine shot back.

“Tell you what,” Sebastian said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I hang out at Scandals some weekends. Always plenty of willing men there. I could get you a fake ID, if you want to come one night. Easy way to solve your problems.”

Blaine barely avoided rolling his eyes. “Thanks, Sebastian, but sex with strangers is really not my style.”

Sebastian rose his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? Could have fooled me. Because it looks to me like you sent away the guy you’ve known for a year, and went for a stranger instead. And it looks to me like you’ve got a whole list full of eligible strangers there, and you’re still not looking at your old friend at all.”

“You’re not my old friend, Sebastian.”

Sebastian shrugged, his hands still in his pockets. “If you say so.” He sauntered out of the room without another word.

Blaine looked back at the list and sighed again. Sebastian was right. These guys were all strangers, except for the small handful of Dalton students who were no more than acquaintances. A date or two wouldn’t change things all that much. They’d still be strangers, at least at the beginning. There wasn’t enough time. It had already been six weeks. Half of his time used up, and no closer to finding a dom.

And there was something about Sebastian. His personality was grating, but he’d been pretty nice to Blaine lately. It wasn’t like they would have to hang out together all the time. He wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, just someone to dom him from time to time. And there was no question that Sebastian was capable and, Blaine might as well admit, rather attractive.

He picked up a pencil and added a name to the list. _Sebastian Smythe._

\-------------------------------

“If we’re going to be doing this, I want to have very clear ground rules,” Kurt said.

Blaine nodded his agreement.

“Pretty similar to what we said last time. First, you can’t come while we’re … doing stuff. Ever. Because if you did …”

“I get it. If I did it at your command, that would be you domming me for real. And if I did it without you saying it was okay, that would be me stealing control away from you.”

Kurt looked very relieved. “I’m so glad you understand.”

“What about after I go home? Can I, um, masturbate?” It was an embarrassing question, but Blaine needed to have an answer.

“That’s none of my business,” Kurt said, blushing beet red. “I’m not your dom. I’m not in charge of your life or anything you do outside when we’re … playing together. You don’t need my permission for anything like that.”

“Okay,” Blaine said quietly. That made sense, especially since he still needed to find someone to _actually_ dom him before his next Sickness. Surely he wouldn’t need Kurt’s permission for that, so it was logical that things by himself would also be fine. He had to keep reminding himself that no matter what they ended up doing together, Kurt had made it very clear that he didn’t want to be Blaine’s dom. They were just having fun together, exploring things and helping Kurt figure stuff out.

“Okay, second, no taking off clothes, at all. Not even sweaters or anything. Aside from coats and shoes, whatever we’re wearing when we walk into the room, that’s what we’re wearing the whole time. It … does things to me, when I see you take clothes off. Even when you’re wearing another shirt underneath, like when I washed your hair.”

This was a bit disappointing. It was January, and they were wearing heavy sweaters most of the time. But he agreed, because he wanted Kurt to feel as comfortable as possible.

“Third, no touching below the waist.”

Blaine smirked. “I know that my feet are very scary for you.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. No touching between the waist and mid-thigh.”

“Including the waist and mid-thigh, or not?”

Kurt was fighting back a smile. “Waist and mid-thigh are fine, but nothing in between.”

“When you say no _touching_ , do you mean no touching with hands, or no contact at all?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow, smirking. “You’re eager to get me off with your feet, is that what you’re saying?”

Blaine looked up at him in mock innocence. “Well, it’s kind of kinky, but if that’s what you want …”

They both collapsed into giggles.

“Kiss me,” Kurt said. Blaine was happy to comply.

\-------------------------------

It was practically a routine by now, two weeks later, but Kurt still bounced with happiness when Blaine rang the doorbell on Saturday morning. A blast of arctic air followed Blaine into the house. He took off his snow-covered boots and left them in the bin by the door so as not to dirty the floors.

Standing in the entryway, shivering despite his heavy winter coat and lined jeans, Kurt thought he looked rather nervous. “Can I take that for you?”

“No, I think I’ll keep it on for a while. Until I warm up, maybe.” Blaine seemed to be looking at him rather intently for some reason, but Kurt let it pass without comment.

“Okay. You still up for that Project Runway marathon we talked about? We could go up to my room and get started.”

“Sure,” Blaine said, following him up the stairs.

Kurt grabbed the remote and queued up the episodes. “Oh, I forgot, should we grab something to eat before we—” He cut off his words when he turned around. Blaine had taken off his coat, revealing that he was wearing a tank top underneath. An undershirt, essentially, with nothing over it.

Kurt’s jaw dropped. Blaine looked amazing, those arms had always been a turn-on for him. But seeing him this way was exactly what Kurt had been trying to avoid when he’d set out the ground rules. He wanted Blaine so badly. Wanted him too much. Wanted too much of him. Blaine _knew_ that, didn’t he? Yet here he was, trying to get more than Kurt had offered. Trying to push. Taking the ground rules that Kurt had carefully laid out and using them to manipulate rather than to constrain his behavior.

“Kneel.” It was a quick order, almost automatic. A way for Kurt to regain full control of the situation. Blaine sank to his knees immediately, a hopeful smile on his face.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kurt demanded. He watched Blaine’s smile disappear.

“I thought you would like …”

“You _thought_ I would like this? You _thought_ you could play on a technicality and get me to do something that is not in the rules?”

“If it were summer…”

“But it’s _not_ summer, Blaine. When I made the rule about not taking off clothes, we both understood that it would mean long sleeves, because it’s winter. You knew that, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Blaine whispered hoarsely.

“You disrespected my rules. You wanted more from me. You wanted me to touch you, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because … I thought it would feel good. And because I thought you would like it. I thought if I offered …”

“But you _didn’t_ offer, Blaine. You didn’t ask to change the rules. You didn’t ask whether you could do this. You just did it. You’re pushing me, even though you know that I …”

“I’m sorry,” Blaine said, looking at the ground. “Maybe I should go. Should I leave?”

“Oh no, you are not getting off that easy.” Kurt blinked. Where had that come from? He suddenly knew exactly what he was going to do. It was something that should have seemed scary to him, but somehow it seemed completely natural and fitting and … hot.

“Are you going to punish me?” Blaine asked. He sounded scared.

Kurt hummed thoughtfully, as if he were considering it, even though his mind was already made up. “Not exactly. You didn’t technically break the rules. Perhaps I should have been more clear.”

Blaine let out a slow breath.

“But I’m not going to give you what you want, either,” Kurt continued. “If you want something, especially if you want to change the ground rules, you need to ask for it and not try to manipulate me into giving it to you.”

“Yes, Sir. I’m sorry, Sir.”

Kurt walked to him and leaned down to whisper in his ear. “You want to be touched? You’re going to get everything except that.”

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut tight. Kurt’s heart pounded in his chest, watching Blaine kneel there with his eyes closed, his arms bare, his head bowed. Waiting for whatever Kurt would do to him. Waiting for Kurt.

“Don’t move,” Kurt ordered. He shut off the TV, closed the door to his bedroom, and went into his walk-in closet. He left the door open. Blaine was facing away, so he had enough privacy to change his clothes, and this way he’d be able to see if Blaine turned or moved.

He scanned his clothes, trying to decide what would be the biggest possible tease. He slid hangers one by one across the rack frantically, trying to hurry because Blaine was waiting for him. Until he realized that making Blaine wait was part of the point. He deliberately slowed his pace, taking his time and pondering the options. Every minute that passed was another minute that Blaine was waiting on his knees in the bedroom, and that knowledge sent all the blood rushing out of Kurt’s head and into … places that he was not yet ready to think about.

Kurt wriggled into an extremely tight pair of gold sparkly jeans. He’d never had the courage to wear them out of the house, but they were perfect for what he was planning. They should be extremely distracting for Blaine. After much deliberation, he settled on a black corset-style vest. He always wore it over a shirt, but this time he put it on with nothing underneath. It wasn’t a real corset, and it hung much more loosely around his chest and stomach than a real one would, but he tied it as tightly as he could. The press of the laces directly against his skin behind his neck and at the small of his back sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. Finally, he added the knee-high black boots that he’d worn the first time they’d met for coffee. He strutted out of the closet as confident as he’d ever felt, and walked to the bed.

He grabbed a pillow and tossed it on the floor at the side of the bed, about two feet back. “Here. You’re going to be kneeling for a long time, and I don’t want you to get hurt. Kneel on this.”

Blaine scurried forward on his knees, using his hands on the floor a bit to move faster, until he was kneeling on the pillow. Kurt shivered. Blaine had basically just crawled across the floor to him, and it was the hottest thing ever.

Standing there looking down at Blaine, Kurt’s confidence faltered. “Is this okay?” he asked nervously. “You don’t have to … I mean, you can always say no, or safeword, I don’t know if …”

Blaine started babbling. “Oh my god, it is so okay. More than okay. It’s so hot. Kurt, you’re so hot, I can’t even tell you how amazing this is. Please don’t stop. Please, I want you to…”

Kurt’s certainty came right back, like flipping a switch. He arched an eyebrow. “You like to talk, hmm? Good. You’re going to be talking a lot.”

Kurt sat on the edge of the bed and then pivoted, stretching himself out. He set the heel of one boot on top of the footboard and kicked his other leg over, crossing them at the ankles. His head landed on a stack of pillows so that his upper body was slightly inclined. He reached his arms above his head, resting the back of his hands against the wall behind him.

“Kurt …” Blaine breathed out.

“Look at me the entire time. You can look anywhere on my face or my body, but you may not close your eyes and you may not look away. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good.” Kurt traced a finger up and down along his other forearm. “Recite the alphabet backwards.”

Blaine looked startled for a minute, but he drew in a breath and began. “Z Y X. W V. U. T S R. Um … Q. P O. N M … L. Um … J, no, K, J. I. H. G F E D C B A.”

“Good. Now all the states and their capitals.”

“Alabama—”

“From west to east.”

“Washington, Olympia. Oregon, Salem. California, Sacramento.”

Kurt had no idea whether he was getting them right or wrong, or whether he skipped any states. He just let Blaine keep talking while he fondled his own arms, slowly, reveling in the sensation of his fingertips against his bare skin. The sight of Blaine kneeling on the floor, gaping at Kurt’s slowly-moving hand, struggling to call up the next state and its capital for no reason other than Kurt telling him to, the whole thing sent Kurt’s mind reeling. Somewhere around Tennessee, he traced a finger down the line of his neck and heard Blaine draw in a sharp breath. Kurt’s pants felt tighter, his cock twitching with excitement. Blaine finally ended with “Maine, Augusta,” Kurt’s fingers sliding back and forth along his collarbone.

Kurt stroked the crevice where his neck met his shoulder. “Mmm, excellent. Now the Presidents, in reverse order, as far back as you can go. If you don’t know the next one, stop and say so.”

He started quickly with Obama, Bush, Clinton, Bush, and then slowed down, remembering them one by one. Finally he stalled. “… Eisenhower. Um … there’s another one between him and Roosevelt, but I don’t remember who it is. I’m sorry, sir.”

Kurt didn’t mention that Blaine had done better than he could have. He’d completely forgotten that Lyndon B. Johnson came between Nixon and Kennedy until Blaine had listed him. “Hmm,” he said disapprovingly, even though he was extremely impressed. He turned his whole body, lounging on his side and facing Blaine. He propped his head up on one arm and caressed his thigh with the other hand. Blaine’s jaw dropped.

“Tell me how I look,” Kurt ordered.

“So hot, oh my god, you look amazing.”

“Be more specific.”

“Your skin is so pale it’s like it glows, and your eyes, they’re so clear and beautiful, I can never decide what color they are, but when you give me orders, they look as cold as ice, it sends shivers … good shivers, like I need to obey because I don’t even know what you would do if I didn’t, but I want to so bad, I’ll never find out what you’d do. Your … your fingers, so long and delicate, and your arms … you’re more muscular than I would have guessed. And your legs, they go on forever. Those pants, oh my god, are they even pants or did you just paint your legs with gold sequins, the way they hug your ass and your … your …” Blaine swallowed hard.

Kurt drew in a sharp breath. That had escalated more than he’d planned, and he was fully hard now, listening to Blaine describe him in words he never would have imagined. And the pants were too damn tight, his erection was completely obvious and Blaine was staring straight at it. _Fuck._

He needed to cool this down a bit. Kurt rolled onto his back, hands clasped across his stomach.

“Name three shades of black.”

“Um … charcoal, midnight, true black.”

“Now three shades of red.”

“Crimson, maroon, brick.”

“Now three shades of yellow.”

“Saffron, cornflower—”

“Cornflower is blue.”

“Sorry, um … goldenrod. Oh shit. Sorry. Shit.”

It would have been the cheesiest thing ever if it had been intentional. _Goldenrod_ for Kurt’s cock in sparkly gold pants. Except it hadn’t been intentional. It had been out of nowhere. It had been an accidental escalation in the middle of what was supposed to be cooling down, and Kurt could not take it. He hadn’t even been touched, but he was seconds away from coming in his pants.

“Fuck,” he said out loud. “Wait here,” he told Blaine, and then he got up and ran to the bathroom.

He shouldn’t do this, he told himself, popping the button on his pants and sliding the zipper down. It wasn’t right, with Blaine waiting on his knees just on the other side of that door. He shoved his pants and underwear down to mid-thigh. It wasn’t fair, when he’d forbidden Blaine from doing the same thing. He wrapped his hand around his cock, fingers trembling.

It should be embarrassing, he thought. Blaine knew exactly what he was doing in here, exactly why he’d run off. He stroked his cock and groaned at the touch. He would never do this in front of someone else, and what was the difference, doing it in the bathroom when Blaine knew exactly what was going on. But somehow it was kind of hot. He stroked himself faster, let out a louder groan. Blaine must be overhearing this. He’d been loud enough for it to be heard through the door. It only took a few more strokes and he came hard, blacking out for a second and gasping with relief.

The embarrassment hit as a delayed reaction. He felt his cheeks heat up, and looked in the mirror to see his guilty blush. How could he possibly go back out there after this? But there was no choice. He’d told Blaine to wait, and Blaine would wait all goddamn day, he knew. He cleaned himself up quickly and pulled his pants back on, then cracked the door open and peeked out.

Blaine was kneeling with his head tipped back, biting his lip and clenching his hands in fists beside him. He turned his head to look at Kurt the moment the door creaked open. “Please, please, I need to come,” he pleaded in a hoarse whisper.

There really was no point in being embarrassed here, not with a sub who begged so prettily. Kurt opened the door the rest of the way and did his best diva walk over to where Blaine was kneeling. He bend down from the waist and whispered right beside Blaine’s ear. “No.”

He straightened back up. “You owe me one more shade of yellow.”

“Amber,” Blaine gasped.

“Good, sweetheart, thank you. You’re doing so well. You’re being so good for me.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Blaine said. Kurt waited a beat, then another beat, and finally he saw Blaine’s eyes widen as he realized the meaning of Kurt’s verb tense. They weren’t done.

Kurt opened a dresser drawer and pulled out a comfortable gray hoodie. He unzipped it and helped Blaine into it, then put his hands on Blaine’s shoulder and elbow and helped him stand. “Are you okay? Are your legs cramped?”

“A little bit, but I’m fine, I just need to stretch.”

“Okay, do what you need to make yourself comfortable. Um, except not _that_. I’m going to call Rachel and Mercedes and see whether they can join us for lunch.”

Blaine groaned and threw himself face down across the bed. Kurt laughed. “I don’t hear you using a safeword.”

“yrmzg”

“I can’t hear you with your face in the bed like that,” Kurt quipped.

Blaine turned his head to one side. “You’re amazing. The best. Really the best.”

\-------------------------------

Blaine let himself into his parents’ house that evening, Kurt’s words echoing in his head. _You did so well, sweetheart. So patient. Such a good boy._ He’d felt proud of himself, until Kurt had opened his mouth again. _I’m sure your parents want to see you for dinner._

His family wasn’t here. Kurt still thought he was coming to Lima every weekend to see his parents. Blaine wasn’t sure why he hadn’t told Kurt the truth yet. It wouldn’t matter now, that he was coming just to see Kurt, now that they were good friends. But it had built up into such a big thing, all the lies that had come before, for two months now. He’d made it a bigger deal than it was.

Blaine’s footsteps seemed loud as he climbed the stairs to his bedroom. _You don’t need my permission_ , Kurt had told him. It was practically the same as granting permission, wasn’t it? If only Kurt would take it upon himself to give permission.

Blaine stripped his clothes off and lay down on the bed. He didn’t deserve this. He was going to do it anyway. He had to. He was so horny, after Kurt had quietly teased him the entire afternoon, some of it in public. He had to relieve the tension. And anyway, Kurt wasn’t his dom. He couldn’t forbid it.

_You were so good, Blaine. So good. I’ll have a reward for you tomorrow._

He put his hand on his cock and nearly sobbed with the pleasure of it. Maybe he’d tell Kurt tomorrow, that he came to Lima just to see him. But maybe then Kurt would decide he didn’t deserve his reward. Blaine shut his eyes. All he wanted was to please Kurt. It would be so terrible to be a disappointment.


	11. Chapter 11

Kurt had spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about Blaine’s desire to be touched. It felt like something he could do. He certainly wanted to. Blaine’s arms were amazing, and getting to touch his skin and feel the hardness of the muscles beneath, watching Blaine respond to his touch, would be incredible. His chest, his stomach, his back … Kurt wanted to explore them. He’d touched Blaine before, of course, in those places and more. But it had been months ago, and back then he hadn’t had the time or the ability to focus and appreciate Blaine’s body. After so much time, in such different circumstances, it would all seem entirely new.

But yesterday had been so intense even without any touching at all, and once again it had gone farther than Kurt had anticipated. Once their shirts were off, Kurt wasn’t at all sure he would be able to control his desire for Blaine. And that was something he wasn’t ready for at all. Being able to restrain himself was crucial.

Blaine wanted to be touched. He wanted to touch Blaine. But he was afraid of the situation escalating. After much thought, he’d come up with what he hoped was a good solution. He would offer Blaine a backrub. A controlled situation with a purpose. Something that wasn’t inherently intimate the way that making out was. And it could also serve as a reward for Blaine being so incredibly patient and in control of himself yesterday.

It was still kind of scary, but not in an out-of-control way. Just in a new-thing kind of way. Kurt was pretty sure he could handle it.

Kurt greeted Blaine at the door with a big smile and a hug, and then led him upstairs.

He began with praise, which always made Blaine happy. “You were so good for me yesterday.”

“No, I wasn’t, I—”

“Well, you started off trying to push me, but we talked about that and afterward you were so good, for the whole rest of the day. I was so proud of you.”

“No, but I—”

“And I was thinking about what you wanted. That you wanted me to touch you. That it looks like you want to change the ground rules so that’s allowed. I think that’s something we could do, if you still want to.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

Kurt didn’t understand why Blaine was being so resistant. “Yes you do. You’re amazing. Yesterday was … just wow, I don’t even have words for how great that was. It made me feel so … dominant and capable. And it was kind of a lot, but … it went well. At least, from my perspective. Don’t you think so?”

“No, Kurt … I mean, yes. Yesterday was fantastic. But I need you to listen to me for a minute, please. There’s something I need to tell you.”

Kurt took a good look at Blaine for the first time. He’d been so wrapped in his backrub plan that he’d forgotten to pay attention to the cues he was getting from Blaine. Had he looked this troubled from the time he’d walked into the house? Had his body language been this closed off while Kurt was chattering away? Kurt berated himself for missing the fact that something was wrong. What kind of a miserable dom was he, if he couldn’t even remember to pay attention to what his sub was feeling? No, he reminded himself. Blaine was not his sub. But still, he should treat his sub friends better than this. There was always a power dynamic to a friendship between a dom and a sub, and when he was with Blaine, with all their complications, he had even more of an obligation to be careful and observant.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said. “I should have noticed that something was wrong. What’s bothering you?”

Blaine looked down at his feet. “I’ve been lying to you.”

Kurt stood perfectly still, trying to hide his panic. Blaine had been lying to him. He should have known that all of Blaine’s praise was a lie. It was too good to be true. He should never have believed it in the first place. He must be a completely incompetent dom. Maybe he was a bad kisser, too. Blaine probably wanted to stop their whole experiment and go back to being nothing more than friends. Or maybe he didn’t even want to see Kurt any more. His heart sank at the thought of losing this closeness they had together. It had become so important to him. But Blaine certainly deserved much better than Kurt could ever offer. He’d been crazy to think he could even do this in the first place. He never should have tried.

“My parents are in Hong Kong,” Blaine said. “They’ve been there for three weeks. Before that they were in Geneva, and in December they were in London. Except for during Christmas, I haven’t seen them the entire time you and I have been hanging out together.”

Kurt blinked a few times, waiting for more, until he finally managed to process that nothing more was coming. He almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation—his own relief that the lie had nothing to do with his abilities as a dom, combined with Blaine’s severe distress at what Kurt could only see as the smallest of white lies. But he couldn’t let himself laugh, not with Blaine looking like a puppy overcome with remorse after chewing up its master’s favorite pair of shoes.

“Is that all?” Kurt asked, doing his best not to sound flippant.

“All?” Blaine echoed. “I lied to you for two full months. That isn’t bad enough?”

“Blaine …” Kurt struggled to put his feelings into words. “It’s not a big deal. I don’t care where your parents are. It has nothing to do with me. I mean, if I’d known you were going home to an empty house, I would have invited you to stay here, if it was okay with my dad. Or at least invited you to dinner every night. But aside from that, why does it matter where your parents are? Why would you even lie about something like that, anyway?”

“Because I didn’t want you to know I was coming all the way to Lima just to see you,” Blaine said, still looking down at the floor. “I thought it would seem … I don’t know, weird or creepy at first. Or that maybe you’d tell me not to bother coming if you thought I was coming just for you. And maybe by now it wouldn’t matter, we’re good enough friends that it’s okay for me to come all the way out just to see you. But by that time I’d been lying about it for so long it had become this big thing, and I didn’t know how to tell you, so I let it keep on going and … I don’t know. I’m sorry. I should never have lied to you. I haven’t been good or obedient or honest and I don’t deserve any reward.”

Kurt stepped forward and put his hands on Blaine’s shoulders. “Blaine … look at me.” Blaine lifted his head and met Kurt’s eyes. He looked so disappointed in himself, it nearly broke Kurt’s heart.

Kurt spoke as gently as he possibly could. “Blaine, sweetheart, I’m not your dom. We’re just friends, and we do things together, but … this is what we agreed. I’m not in charge of your life, and you have no obligations to me outside of when we’re playing together. You have no duty to be honest with me about everything. I mean, generally it’s not a good idea to lie to your friends, but a little thing like this … there is no reason for you to feel bad about it. It didn’t hurt me or break any promise or anything. It’s fine.”

Blaine was quiet for a moment, thinking about this. “I guess you’re right,” he finally said, but he didn’t sound convinced.

“You don’t sound like you really agree,” Kurt said.

“No, I do,” Blaine said. He chewed on his bottom lip for a second. “You’re right, and when I think about it, I agree with you. But I still _feel_ awful about it.”

“Is there something I can do to help you feel better?” Kurt asked.

Blaine looked down at his feet again. “Iwishyouwouldpunishme,” he mumbled.

Kurt closed his eyes. He was pretty sure he had heard that correctly. His mind was thrown into turmoil. He could practically feel pieces of his brain moving around and rearranging themselves, trying to figure out how to deal with this situation properly.

“You need to speak clearly, Blaine,” he commanded. “When there is something you need or want from me, I want you to ask. I might not always be able to give it to you, but I at least want to know what it is, and I don’t want you to be afraid to ask.”

Blaine looked up and met his eyes again. “I want you to punish me. It would make me feel better.”

“You realize that I am not your dom, and that you did not break any obligation to me.”

“I know,” Blaine said. “But I lied for no good reason, and I should have told you the truth. And I feel bad about it, and I want to … make it up to you, and … find a way to forgive myself and learn from this and move on with a clean slate.”

“And you think that if we play a punishment, that would help you?”

Blaine nodded. “Yes, I think so.”

Kurt took a deep breath. The pieces of his brain were beginning to fit themselves back together, and an idea slowly appeared, just a small shift from what he’d planned for today in the first place. It didn’t feel too scary. He thought he could do this. He was pretty sure it would be okay. It wasn’t exactly a punishment in the traditional sense, but somehow, without quite having the words to explain why, it seemed to Kurt like it would provide what Blaine needed. He looked at Blaine, waiting patiently in front of him, his eyes wide and shining and beautiful.

“We were discussing changing the rules,” Kurt said. “We would have to go ahead with that to do this. Is that still something you want?”

“Yes,” Blaine breathed.

“Could you tell me what you would like to change?”

“I want us to be able to take our shirts off and touch each other’s skin above the waist,” Blaine said. “If you want to, I mean. If you tell me to, or if you want to take your shirt off. One of us, or both of us, or … it doesn’t have to be that much, it could be—”

“That’s all right with me,” Kurt said, cutting him off as he started to babble. “So, the new rule would be that one or both of us could take our shirts off completely, at my discretion. Is that okay with you? Is that the rule you want?”

Blaine swallowed hard and nodded.

“Okay. That is the new rule. All the other rules still apply.”

“Okay,” Blaine whispered.

“We’re going to start now,” Kurt said.

“Yes, Sir,” Blaine said, slipping quickly into his submissive play mode. Kurt’s heart pounded with excitement and nervousness.

“Strip to the waist, then lie face-down on the bed and wait for me,” Kurt ordered. He walked out of the room and shut the door.

\-------------------------

Blaine knew how this script went. He’d asked for punishment, and his dom had ordered him to strip and lie on the bed. He was going to be hit. He hadn’t anticipated this. He’d known it was a possibility, but it didn’t seem like the kind of thing Kurt would want to do. He’d expected something like yesterday, kneeling and being teased, but with touching instead of watching.

He finished folding his undershirt and set it on the pile on Kurt’s desk with his sweater and button-down. He lay down on the bed and arranged a pillow so that he could lie face-down with his forehead and eyes resting on it, leaving him unable to see but not blocking his breath. He shivered from the chilly air, waiting for his body to adjust to the temperature.

Lying there alone, waiting without being able to see a clock, Blaine began to have doubts. Was this really what he wanted? He could safeword before they started. He didn’t have to go through with this. What would Kurt hit him with? You don’t usually use your hand to hit someone’s back. Did Kurt own a whip, or a flogger? Why had he left the room? Was he sneaking one out of his parents’ room? Or had he gone to retrieve something else? Or would he come back and use a belt from his own closet? How thick would it be? How much would it hurt? How many strokes would it be? Blaine’s mind reeled. Maybe he should stop this thing right now. He didn’t even need to wait and then safeword. He could get up and get dressed right now, and explain to Kurt when he came back in.

No, he wouldn’t. It would hurt, but he trusted Kurt. He would know what Blaine needed. He would know when to stop. He would bring Blaine out the other side and hold him and cuddle him after, and they would be all the closer for having gone through this together. Blaine trusted Kurt completely. If this was what Kurt thought he needed, it must be right. If it got to be too much, which he was sure it wouldn’t, he could always safeword later. He could be brave. He could be good. _For Kurt_. He could be good for Kurt.

The door opened, then closed again with a soft click. Blaine fought down the urge to turn his head and look at Kurt.

“Good,” Kurt said. “Don’t move or speak unless I tell you to or you need to safeword. Nod to let me know you understand.”

Blaine nodded.

The bed dipped with Kurt’s weight, and then Blaine felt Kurt’s knees brushing lightly against his side. He tensed for a blow, and waited. Waited. Waited. What was taking so long? No, he reminded himself. Don’t think. Just wait. Just let it happen.

He jumped at contact against his skin. But as soon as the reflex settled, he realized what it was. The light touch of Kurt’s lips against his spine, up high between his shoulder blades. And then both of Kurt’s hands on his shoulders, soft and light, petting his skin softly. Another kiss. Another. Another.

Blaine began to cry.

“Are you all right, sweetheart?” Kurt asked softly.

Blaine nodded again. _Kurt_ , his sweet, perfect, unbelievably incredible dom who he would trust with his _life_. What could he possibly say right now? This tenderness when he’d expected to be treated harshly, it brought out emotions that were almost too much to even comprehend, let alone put into words. Blaine didn’t quite understand what was happening here, but he understood beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was willing to give Kurt absolutely anything he asked for.

“You don’t need to be afraid,” Kurt said, and Blaine cried harder. “You don’t need an excuse to come visit me. You never need to be scared to tell me how you feel. How much I mean to you.”

_You mean everything to me._

\-------------------------

The crying was good, wasn’t it? Kurt thought so. Punishment was supposed to create an emotional reaction, and Blaine said he was okay, so Kurt kept going. Soft touches all over his shoulders and his arms and his back. Kisses on every inch of exposed skin. Speaking in near-whispers between kisses, assuring Blaine that he could tell him anything, that Kurt would never be angry when Blaine was honest about his feelings, that he was happy Blaine liked him so much. Blaine cried and cried, soaking the pillow with his tears.

Kurt wasn’t sure what was going on in Blaine’s mind, but it seemed like a cathartic moment for him. Maybe when he had more experience, he’d be able to read this better. But he marveled at the effect of his touches and kisses. He felt powerful, pulling such a strong reaction out of Blaine with so little. Blaine must have really needed this, and Kurt was happy to be able to give it to him. Blaine must trust him so much, to ask for this and to let his guard down so completely for Kurt.

Eventually Blaine cried himself out and his breathing returned to normal. “You did so well, sweetheart,” Kurt murmured into his ear. “You understand now, don’t you?”

“Yes, Sir,” Blaine whimpered.

“Tell me.”

“You care about me and I can trust you and I can tell you how I feel and you won’t be angry.”

“That’s right, sweetheart. You listened to me so well.”

Kurt pressed his hands more firmly into Blaine’s muscles then, massaging out the tension. “Beautiful, beautiful,” he said softly. “You can speak now, if you want to. Move however makes you comfortable. We’re done with that part.” Blaine turned his head to one side.

Kurt grasped Blaine’s broad shoulders, pressing his thumbs into the muscles of his upper back. He slid his hands down to Blaine’s biceps and squeezed hard, appreciating his toned arms. Both hands to one arm now, kneading the muscle there and listening to his soft gasps, and then to the other arm to do the same thing.

So much gorgeous, bronzed skin in front of him. By now Kurt was straddling Blaine, sitting on his ass, his knees bracketing Blaine’s hips. He’d moved to be able to reach his other arm and to get a good angle for maneuvering, but in the moment he hadn’t realized what an intimate position it was. He probably should have asked permission. This arguably counted as “touching below the waist,” and it wasn’t in the rules but … it seemed okay. Blaine wasn’t objecting. He should make sure anyway.

“Is this okay, how I’m sitting? I should have asked.”

Blaine nodded vigorously.

Kurt smiled and moved his hands to the center of Blaine’s back, running his fingers up and down on each side of his spine. Blaine groaned with pleasure when he increased the pressure on the muscles there.

God, he was beautiful. So pliant under Kurt’s fingers. So amazingly open to Kurt’s touch. So beautifully submissive. Kurt’s heart felt strangely full. He’d never felt this way before, and he searched for words to describe it. He slid his palms in broad circles on Blaine’s back, contemplating.

_I love you._

Kurt stopped. He hadn’t expected that. But now that the thought hit him, it was completely obvious. And rather frightening. He lifted himself up on his knees and swung one leg over, sitting to one side again.

“Roll over,” he said in a hoarse whisper.

Blaine did, facing Kurt for a moment before settling on his back. He smiled up at Kurt, his face completely relaxed and radiant, though stained with tear streaks. Kurt smiled back. He felt his pulse pounding throughout his entire body.

“We’re finished, sweetheart,” Kurt said, trying to keep his voice from wavering. “You did very well. You were so good for me.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said happily. Kurt though his heart might burst right out of his chest at the sight of his sweet little sub thanking him for a punishment. _No_ , he reminded himself. _Not my sub._

Oh, but he wanted him. Wanted all of Blaine, wanted Blaine to be _his_ , wanted to claim him and promise to take care of him, promise to be his and only his for as long as Blaine would have him. He wanted Blaine curled against his side at the dinner table, and holding tight to his hand as they walked together, and asking him to help with … anything, everything, everything in his life. Wanted his body, too. His beautiful lips to kiss whenever he wanted. His hand on Blaine’s cock. His own cock in Blaine’s mouth, or in his ass, or just pressed up against Blaine’s body somewhere, anywhere, thrusting against him and taking everything he wanted. He wanted everything.

It was too much. God, Kurt wanted it so badly, but it was still the scariest thing he could imagine, being responsible for someone, sharing his body that way, inviting someone into his life like that.

“Kurt? Are you all right?” Blaine sounded concerned.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” Kurt said, even though it wasn’t quite true. He lay down on the bed beside Blaine. “C’mere,” he said, pulling Blaine toward him to lie on his side.

Blaine snuggled into him, and Kurt wrapped his arms around. His heart physically hurt. It was too much to contain, all these feelings coursing through him, this _love_ that he didn’t know what to do with. He needed to think, he needed space and quiet and just some _time_ to figure everything out, but he couldn’t ask Blaine to leave him alone, not after this and not when holding him felt so wonderful and _right_.

“Kurt?” Blaine asked tentatively.

“Hmm?”

“That was … amazing. But I’m kind of confused. Was it actually a punishment? Because … you gave me something I wanted, and … there wasn’t any hurting or denial or anything … I don’t know.”

“I don’t know either,” Kurt admitted. “But I thought … well, the point is that you learn the lesson. Which is that you don’t need to hide your feelings from me, because I care about you. And the other point is for you to trust me, which you did. So … I think it worked anyway? Maybe?”

“When you put it that way, yeah, I guess it definitely worked. You’re really … Kurt, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I think you’re the most important person in my life right now. You’re just incredible, and … thank you for everything.”

Kurt felt like a hypocrite. How could he demand this honesty about feelings from Blaine when he couldn’t bring himself to say how he felt?

 _I love you_. He couldn’t say it. Blaine didn’t love him back, or he would have said so. That was the whole point of what they’d just done, getting Blaine to be honest about his feelings. And those feelings were “best friend” and “most important person in my life,” but not love.

He’d gotten in too deep. He’d thought that this could just be fun and learning and exploring. He’d forgotten what his father had told him all those months ago. _It’s doing something to you. To your heart, to your self-esteem. Even though it feels like you’re just having fun._

And what was it doing to Blaine? Was he hurting Blaine accidentally? Or was Blaine falling in love, too, but just not quite there yet? Did Kurt even want Blaine to fall in love with him, or should they both take a big step back from this? Were either of them capable of dealing with this at all?

He needed time, he thought. More time to figure out this whole confusing mess. More time to decide what he wanted and who he was and what he could offer. He should get out of bed right now, Kurt told himself. Sit up and put his feet on the floor, stand up and make some excuse. Make sure Blaine was doing all right and then send him back to Dalton for the week. Give himself the time he needed.

Kurt looked up into Blaine’s eyes, and in an instant he knew he wasn’t going to do any of that. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said softly.

Blaine smiled. “Where’d that thought come from?”

Kurt curled in and buried his face in Blaine’s chest. “Sometimes I just feel so scared.”

Blaine stroked the hair at the base of Kurt’s neck. “It’s all right. I’m here for you.”

Kurt shook his head, his forehead rubbing against Blaine's bare chest. “ _I’m_ supposed to be here for _you_.”

“And you are. It works both ways, you know.”

Perhaps that shouldn’t have been a revelation for Kurt, but it was. “I … I suppose it does.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry this update took so long! I had houseguests and then I got a bad cold and was exhausted, and there was some writer's block thrown in there too. The rest of the story is very clear in my head, so this shouldn't happen again.

The weekend conspired to keep them out of Kurt’s bedroom, and Kurt was secretly glad of it. Everything was so confusing when they were alone together, when shirts came off and hormones started raging. He appreciated the chance to enjoy spending time with Blaine without that constant pressure. Especially now, with this joyous but nerve-wracking revelation of being _in love_ , which seemed like it should have made things clearer but in reality just made them all that much more complicated. It didn’t answer the question of what he should do, and it certainly didn’t make it any easier to think about the possibility of having sex.

Saturday was the Regionals competition for New Directions. Blaine drove out to watch them perform, and met them backstage after it was over to join in the jumping up and down and squealing over their first-place finish. Kurt managed to get Mr. Schue to look the other way and let him drive back to Lima with Blaine instead of taking the bus back as required by school policy.

It was a long road trip, and somehow they ended up listening to the soundtrack of The Lion King in the car. Listening, of course, meant singing along—sometimes in unison, other times taking parts and trading lines and coming up with their own harmonies. It was a pure, innocent kind of fun that neither of them had indulged in for a long time.

“I miss being a little kid,” Blaine said after _Hakuna Matata_ ended. “Things were so simple when I was ten years old. Why can’t life always be that way?”

“I know what you mean,” Kurt agreed. “Growing up is not all it’s cracked up to be. All these worries about responsibility and college and … relationships and stuff … sometimes I just want it all to disappear and go back to throwing tea parties for my stuffed animals.”

Blaine grinned. “You used to throw tea parties for your stuffed animals?”

“Tea is very important!” Kurt said defensively.

“I think it’s adorable.”

They spent the evening at the New Directions victory party at Breadstix, talking and laughing with all of Kurt’s friends and breaking into random songs and dances every few minutes. Blaine seemed right at home in the crowd, flirting his way through a duet with Rachel before getting into an intense debate with Sam about something involving superhero capes. Kurt sat watching him, marveling at the ease with which Blaine made friends. He’d met most of Kurt’s friends at least once before, but he hadn’t seen them often. Yet here he was, making his way around the room as if it were filled with people he’d known for ages.

Every few minutes, though, Blaine found some excuse to return to Kurt’s side. He’d whisper a newly-acquired piece of gossip in Kurt’s ear, or ask his opinion of someone’s outfit, or suggest a song to perform. None of it was necessary at all, but he seemed to draw comfort from a moment beside Kurt, before he was off again into the crowd. Kurt smiled when he realized the pattern, pleased that he could support Blaine in this way.

It was late by the time they left. Kurt thought about inviting Blaine in for coffee when he dropped him and Finn off at home, but the light in his parents’ room was already off and he thought they probably wouldn’t appreciate it. So they just said goodnight and confirmed their plan to meet at Mercedes’s birthday party the next day.

Because Mercedes _had_ to have a birthday the same weekend as Regionals. As if all of them hadn’t seen enough of each other by now, what with all the extra rehearsals and then the competition and the afterparty. She’d decided to mix things up by making it a board games party, which made Kurt roll his eyes at the lameness. But when he walked in the door, he found Blaine already there, lying on the floor with his chin in his hands and his legs kicked up in the air, around a Settlers of Catan game board with Sam, Puck, and Brittany.

Blaine hoisted himself up into a sitting position. “Kurt! Do you want to play? You could be on my team.”

“Hey, hey, that’s not fair. We’re playing individuals,” Puck said.

Kurt walked over. It looked like the game was already well underway. “That’s okay, I’ll play later,” he said, running his fingers through Blaine’s hair. “Looks like Mercedes and Rachel and Santana are starting Pictionary. I’ll go do that.” He could practically feel Blaine’s eyes on him as he walked away.

They were in the middle of a raucous round of the game when the food was delivered, so Kurt didn’t immediately get up to get himself a plate. A few minutes later, he was surprised to see Blaine walking up with two plates of food. He handed one to Kurt, then sat down on the floor at his feet because there was no room left on the couch.

Kurt was honestly touched that Blaine had thought of him. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he said, not realizing he was using the pet name he usually saved for the bedroom. He reached down and rubbed the hair at the base of Blaine’s skull. Blaine practically purred.

Santana made a gagging face. “Your sub is so adorable it’s literally giving me diabetes.”

“Thank you?” Blaine said, his inflection making it almost a question. “But I’m not his sub.”

“Could have fooled me,” Santana said, rolling her eyes.

Blaine looked up at Kurt, his eyes wide. “Should I not do this?” he asked softly. “Bringing you food and sitting here like this … does it make you uncomfortable?”

“It’s lovely, sweetheart, and you should sit wherever you want to,” Kurt said, using the endearment intentionally this time. Santana was right on both counts, though. He was acting like Kurt’s sub, and he was absolutely adorable. And it made Kurt feel that everything was perfectly right in the world.

Blaine rested his head on Kurt’s knee and Kurt smiled peacefully. They’d need to talk about this, as soon as they had a chance. Next weekend, Kurt thought. It was a discussion to have in person, and Blaine was planning to head back to Dalton right after the party, so there was no time for it today. Kurt lit up when he realized that next Sunday was Valentine’s Day. It would be the perfect opportunity to make a romantic gesture and ask Blaine to be his boyfriend.

Kurt walked Blaine to his car a few hours later, holding his hand. It was still broad daylight, with plenty of time left for him to drive back to Dalton by dinnertime.

“I had a great time this weekend,” Blaine said.

“Me too,” Kurt said, smiling. “I’m sorry we didn’t get any time to ourselves, though.”

“It’s okay. I like your friends.”

“I’m glad you get along with them so well,” Kurt said. They stopped at the side of Blaine’s car. Kurt turned to face him and took Blaine’s other hand, swinging their arms together between them. He wanted to kiss him. He missed it. They hadn’t kissed all weekend, and Kurt was practically vibrating with the desire to press his mouth against Blaine’s and show him exactly what he felt, all the thoughts that had settled themselves in his head without a word said out loud.

But it wasn’t a thing they did. Sure, they kissed all the time, but only while they were playing a scene. A kiss goodbye was something different. It was something romantic and personal, and Blaine would know the difference, certainly. It would start a whole discussion, and there wasn’t time for that now. Or else it would leave Blaine confused, and Kurt didn’t want to do that. Besides, it would spoil the romantic Valentine’s Day surprise.

So Kurt gave him a hug instead, and told him to drive safely and send a text when he got home so Kurt wouldn’t have to worry. And Blaine hugged him back and gave him a mocking, “Thanks, _Mom_ ,” and they laughed together. And then Blaine got in his car and drove away, leaving Kurt on the sidewalk feeling … longing.

Just a week. He could wait a week.

\-----------------------------------

“Tick tock, Anderson.”

Blaine looked up from where he was doing his math homework in the library. Sebastian slid into the chair across the table from him. “What do you want, Sebastian?”

“More than two months gone, and the word on the street is that you’re still no closer to finding a dom. Rumor has it you’re wasting all your weekends with that New Directions boy even though he doesn’t even want you. Are you _that much_ of a lovesick puppydog, Blaine? Come on. Just because someone fucks you once doesn’t mean it has to be happily ever after for the rest of your life.”

“It’s none of your business,” Blaine said. “And where did you even hear all that?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “This is a boarding school for teenage boys. Does _anyone_ manage to keep secrets? And besides, it _is_ my business. Because another month or so will roll around, and you still won’t have a dom, and this time you’re going to end up on your knees in front of me. We both know it. Why not set it up in advance? That way I won’t have to cancel plans to save your ass. Or … you know, whatever else I’m going to do to your ass.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Oh yeah? You’ve got some other brilliant plan?”

Blaine closed his math book and stacked his notebook on top of it. The truth was, he had no other plan. He was down to just a handful of names left on Wes’s list, after a series of miserable lunches and coffee dates, not to mention several outright rejections in both directions before even getting that far. As much as he hated to admit it, Sebastian was probably right about how this would end up.

“Is this all just some kind of game to you?” Blaine asked, annoyed.

“Yes,” Sebastian said without a hint of shame. “Sex is fun. Having sex with lots of different people is exciting. Convincing guys that they want to have sex with me? A game of skill and cunning that plays out differently every single time. Why shouldn’t I enjoy it? I’m always safe, it helps people, everyone’s happy. It’s totally a game. You should give it a try.”

“That’s just … not my attitude toward sex,” Blaine said.

“Well, maybe it should be.” Sebastian smiled mischievously, his eyes sparkling.

Blaine picked up his books, lifted the strap of his messenger bag, and stood up. “Goodbye, Sebastian.”

“I’ll keep my calendar open,” Sebastian called as Blaine retreated out of the library.

Back upstairs in his room, Blaine unfolded the list yet again. There were only four names left. Tom, a senior at Dalton who he’d gotten along with fine but didn’t find remotely attractive. He wondered how important that was, really. Nick’s brother Alex, who went to Harvard and would be visiting Ohio in a couple of weeks. He had a date already set up. Jared, a sophomore at OSU who was from Columbus and was a friend of a friend of a friend. Blaine was a little wary of the tenuous connection, but maybe it would be less awkward than having sex with the cousin or brother of one of his friends. Tom. Alex. Jared. And Sebastian.

Blaine sighed. Sebastian was right. Time was running out. This was no time to be picky. He opened his laptop and shot off an e-mail, sending a message along the chain of friends to this Jared guy at OSU.

\-----------------------------------

Jared was a big guy, very tall and muscular and with a commanding presence that was noticeable from a distance. He was waiting in the lobby of the restaurant when Blaine walked in on Friday night, and he was immediately recognizable from the picture he’d sent.

“Hi, I’m Blaine. You must be Jared.”

“Good to meet you.” Jared locked Blaine’s hand in a handshake that was so firm as to be nearly painful, reaching out with his left hand at the same time to clasp Blaine’s bicep. He let go and signaled to the hostess, who grabbed two menus and let them to a booth.

“Let me help you with your coat,” Jared said, and before Blaine could say a word his hands were on Blaine’s shoulders, peeling off the outer layer. “Here, let’s lay both our coats on this bench, and we can sit together on the other one. Easier that way.”

Blaine accepted the wordless invitation to scoot into the booth first, and without really thinking about it found himself trapped between the half-wall at the end of the booth and the larger man blocking the way out. Jared was sitting slightly too close to him. The bench was made for two people to sit together, in a group of four, but Blaine felt mildly uncomfortable with Jared’s leg almost touching his. He squished his body closer to the wall, in search of space that wasn’t there.

Jared handed him a menu. “If you can’t make up your mind, I’m happy to choose for you,” he said, winking.

And just like that, Jared’s hand was on his thigh. Blaine stiffened at the unexpected touch. “I’m sorry, but … I don’t feel comfortable with that right now. Could you please move your hand?”

Jared moved his hand onto the table, but turned and glared at Blaine. “Making demands already? We just met two minutes ago. I thought you were supposed to be a sub.”

Blaine looked down at the table. “I’m sorry. It’s just, we barely know each other and I’d rather—”

“Most subs like to be treated this way, you know,” Jared said in an annoyed tone.

“Actually, I think most people _don’t_ like to be treated this way, but a lot of subs are intimidated into not speaking up for themselves.” Blaine blinked at the words that had just come out of his own mouth. This was not going to go well.

“Don’t talk back to me,” Jared snapped. He looked at his watch. “Five minutes, no talking. Think about how you should behave.” He turned away from Blaine and studied the menu.

Blaine focused on his breathing to avoid panicking. He stared at the menu, but he couldn’t read the descriptions of the food without feeling mildly nauseous. The waitress came by, and Jared ordered both of them sodas without even consulting Blaine for his opinion.

After an interminable amount of time, Jared spoke again. “Okay, five minutes are up. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Blaine avoided meeting his eyes. “I want to go home. I’m sorry, this isn’t going to work out.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, Sir. I’m sorry. Could you please get up and let me leave?”

“I come all this way out here, offer to buy you dinner, and you up and run away on me because I touched your fucking leg? Who the hell do you think you are?”

A few heads turned in their direction. Blaine scanned the restaurant, wishing he could just disappear, but he was still trapped in the booth. “I’m sorry, please, could you get up so I can leave?”

Jared slammed his fist down on the table, drawing more stares, but he got up. “No wonder you can’t find a dom, you little freak. Nobody wants a stuck-up, cocky sub like that. Good luck when you get Sick and collapse on the fucking street, see who comes to help you then.”

Blaine grabbed his coat and fled to his car. Fortunately it was only about a five minute drive to Dalton, because he wasn’t sure he could have made it any farther. He ran up to the dorms and went straight to Trent’s room, crying.

Sebastian found him and Trent still there later that night, surrounded by candy and potato chip wrappers from Trent’s emergency stash. Sebastian punched the wall. “I knew it was you. Goddamn it.”

“I’m not in the greatest mood right now, Sebastian,” Blaine said. “Whatever you’re mad at me about, can it please wait until tomorrow?”

“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at that asshole Jared,” Sebastian said.

“How did you even _hear_ about that? I haven’t told anyone but Trent and he’s been here with me the entire time. He hasn’t even touched his computer or his phone.”

“I know everything,” Sebastian said with a smirk. “No, seriously though, I was at Scandals and this dickhead walks in ranting and raging about a ‘cocktease Dalton student’ who screwed him over in some incomprehensible way. Touching all the subs and making them uncomfortable, major asshole. I knew you were out on a date tonight, I figured it was probably you. But don’t worry, I got back at him for you.”

“You … what?” Blaine asked, confused.

“Oh, nothing dangerous. I provoked him until he got himself kicked out of the bar. They confiscated my fake ID, though. The sacrifices I make for you.”

“I … thank you?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. I can get another ID by next weekend. I’m a regular at Scandals, they all know I’m underage and they don’t care as long as I keep quiet.”

“That’s … you’re quite a character, Sebastian.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “Seriously, though, did he hurt you? Because if he did, I’ll go back and find him and kick his ass.”

Blaine couldn’t help laughing. Jared was probably twice as big as Sebastian. “No … he was handsy and he called me a lot of names when I told him to stop, but he didn’t actually hurt me.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said, and for once in his life he looked serious.

“Not in any way your fault,” Blaine said.

“I know. But I can sympathize, can’t I?” Sebastian turned to leave. “Let me know if I can do anything else, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

The door swung shut behind him.

“What was that?” Trent asked, confused.

“He’s trying to get into my pants,” Blaine said.

“Hmm.”

“It might work.”

Trent raised an eyebrow. “You were so against it before. If you can’t find a dom you like, why not go to a professional? There’s no shame in it. It’s easy and not complicated with messy feelings like real life.”

“I thought about it but … I want it to mean _something_. It doesn’t have to be true love, it could be just friendship and caring about each other, but I don’t think I can completely separate sex from feelings like that.”

“But _Sebastian_ …”

“He’s actually kind of sweet, when you look past the front he puts up. I could do worse.”

Trent sighed. “You could do better.”

\-----------------------------------

Blaine had trouble sleeping, and he woke up on Saturday morning feeling stiff and achy. It was probably just tension from all of yesterday’s stress, he reasoned, but there was a chance it could be the first signs of his next Sickness. It was a bit soon for that, though. He should have at least a few weeks left. But he’d heard that after the first time, most people had symptoms that came on more gradually, over the course of weeks instead of all at once.

He took a hot shower, trying to ease the tension in his muscles, and then did some yoga stretches back in his room. He swallowed a couple of Tylenol pills, and then went down to the dining hall and ate the healthiest breakfast he could manage, with an extra glass of orange juice in case he had a cold coming on.

None of it seemed to help very much at all. He was still stiff and uncomfortable when he got into his car for the long drive to Lima. And still unsettled from his horrible date the night before. He put on some peppy music to try to clear his head, but that was just as ineffective as the cures he’d tried for his physical discomfort.

Kurt answered the door with an excited bounce, but it was all Blaine could do to give a half-smile back. Kurt’s expression changed to worried immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” Blaine had a firm policy of never telling Kurt about his dates with other guys, and he was not about to break it now. It wasn’t that it was a huge secret. Kurt must know that he was dating, looking for a dom. Kurt had actually told him to do that, way back when they had first met, and even though he’d never mentioned it again, the order still stood. Especially once Kurt had made it clear that he had no intention of being Blaine’s dom. But Blaine didn’t want to make Kurt feel uncomfortable, or make it Kurt’s problem, even just a little bit, by complaining about the difficulty of finding a good dom. So he’d resolved to keep all of that to himself.

“You look miserable,” Kurt said, still looking very worried.

“I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Especially yesterday. And then I didn’t sleep well last night. It’s not a big deal.”

“Come on upstairs,” Kurt said. “You can rest, at least. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Blaine shook his head, but after they were in Kurt’s room with the door closed, he changed his mind. “Actually … I’ve been feeling kind of … um … we didn’t do anything last weekend. Together, I mean. And I wonder if what we’ve been doing might have been masking the symptoms of … I mean, it’s not enough to stop me from getting Sick, but maybe it’s been making me feel better just on a day to day basis?”

“Oh…” Kurt looked surprised.

“I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Blaine said quickly.

“No, I … I’d like to. I want to help you feel better. Do you have anything in mind, in particular?”

“Could you just … lie down on top of me? I don’t know, somehow I just want to feel your weight on me.”

Kurt smiled. “Yeah, of course. I can do that.”

\-----------------------------------

Kurt had planned to avoid temptation today and save everything for Valentine’s Day tomorrow. But he wasn’t about to let Blaine suffer for his secret plan. Anyway, it wasn’t like Blaine had asked for any kind of intense scene. This should be doable. He watched Blaine take off his shoes and sweater and sit down on the bed.

“Do you want to take your shirt off, too?” Kurt asked.

Blaine shook his head. “No, I don’t want it to be … sexual, I guess.”

Good, Kurt thought. They were on the same page. “All right. Go ahead and lie down for me, sweetheart.”

Blaine arranged himself on the bed, moving stiffly. Kurt was wearing just jeans and a t-shirt. He hadn’t been planning on leaving the house today, and he was at the point where he felt fine dressing casually around Blaine. He kicked his shoes off and knelt up on the bed, then straddled his legs across Blaine’s thighs and lowered himself down carefully to press their upper bodies together. He reached for Blaine’s hands and interlaced their fingers, bringing them to rest beside Blaine’s shoulders, his own forearms pushing Blaine’s down onto the bed with gentle pressure. He stretched his legs out, one leg between Blaine’s, the other just to the side.

“Is this all right?” Kurt asked softly.

“Mm-hmm,” Blaine mumbled, barely a breath.

“Is it helping?”

Blaine hummed a tentative affirmation. Kurt watched his face carefully. Blaine’s eyes were slipping shut, and his facial muscles seemed more relaxed than they had a moment ago. Kurt thought he felt some of the tension seeping out of his muscles, especially in his arms and shoulders.

Kurt let his head fall forward and to the side, resting on the pillow beside Blaine’s head. He pressed a kiss into the side of Blaine’s neck. “Such a sweet boy,” he whispered into Blaine’s ear.

“I always feel so safe when I’m with you,” Blaine breathed.

“I will always keep you safe,” Kurt promised.

There was a hint of a smile on Blaine’s lips as he drifted into sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Kurt decided to keep it simple. A box of chocolate-dipped strawberries as a token gift, and a heartfelt declaration of his feelings. He didn’t want to overwhelm Blaine or create a potentially awkward situation. He was pretty certain that Blaine would be thrilled, that Blaine had wanted to be his boyfriend all along. But Kurt’s stomach still churned with nervousness at the possibility, however unlikely, that he might be rejected. He supposed that putting your true feelings out there is never easy.

“I got you something,” Kurt said. He picked up the red, ribbon-tied box from his desk and held it out for Blaine.

The joy in Blaine’s eyes was unmistakable. They might as well have turned heart-shaped. “Aww, Kurt, you shouldn’t have!” Blaine pulled the ribbon off and opened the box, smiling happily at the treats inside. “Thank you, that’s so thoughtful of you!”

Kurt took a deep breath. Here goes, he thought, working up his courage. “Blaine, I—”

“Wait, I got you something too,” Blaine said. He reached into his bag and pulled out a brown cardboard gift box, tied with a gold ribbon. “I know we’re not dating, but … it felt like I should get you a Valentine’s present anyway, and … I guess you felt the same way. Anyway, I’ve wanted to give you something like this for a while, and it was a good opportunity so … I’m babbling now. You should open it.”

Kurt swallowed hard when he opened the box. It was a pair of handcuffs. He felt his pulse pounding in his throat as he stared down at the cuffs, thinking—trying not to think—about what he so very much wanted to do with them.

“Please don’t misunderstand this,” Blaine said. Kurt looked up and met his eyes. “I’m not asking you to use them on me, not if you don’t want to. I’m not trying to push at all. I just wanted to show you how very much I trust you. That you _could_ use these on me, I would let you, without any reservations. Because you’re … you’re an amazing dom, Kurt. Even if you don’t realize it yet, I know it’s true, every time we’re together you’re just incredible. You have no idea how many guys out there are truly awful, but you … I just want you to know how wonderful you are, and how much I appreciate it, and how much I trust you.”

Kurt traced his finger along the open curve of one of the cuffs, his heart pounding. He had his speech planned and memorized down to the letter. Everything else in his brain was a confused mess right now, but he remembered the words as clearly as if they were written on paper. But the last thing he wanted to do right now was give a speech. What he really wanted to do … he couldn’t bring himself to put words to that.

_I’ve realized that what we’ve been doing together isn’t just play or learning_ , he was supposed to begin.Kurt opened his mouth, but his throat was dry and he couldn’t speak. He reached for Blaine, sitting next to him on the bed, and lifted his left hand. Without a word, he took the handcuffs out of the box and snapped one ring shut around Blaine’s wrist.

“Kurt,” Blaine drew out his name in a low moan.

“Back. Against the headboard.” The command was sharp and quick. Blaine scrambled back, sitting up straight against the head of the bed.

_It means something to me. You mean something to me._ He followed Blaine across the bed, up on his knees, then threaded the open cuff behind one of the slats in the headboard and snapped it shut around Blaine’s right wrist, securing him there.

“Oh god,” Blaine whispered.

Kurt stared at him. The trust in his sub’s eyes was intoxicating. But the tiny hint of fear in his sub’s eyes, that was what really set him on fire. Somewhere in the back of Kurt’s mind, the knowledge that Blaine was not actually his sub was floating around, but he could not bring himself to pay it any attention.

_I want you to be my boyfriend. I hope that’s what you want, too. It wouldn’t be much different than how things are now, I think, it would just be more honest._ Kurt’s brought his face so close to Blaine’s that his eyes couldn’t even focus. “Mine,” he said harshly, and covered Blaine’s mouth with a deep, owning kiss. It was like no other kiss they’d shared before. Much rougher, Kurt’s teeth biting at Blaine’s lips until he forced them open with his tongue, thrusting in by rocking his entire body toward Blaine, crashing the back of Blaine’s head against the headboard. “Mine,” he said again, nearly a sob, moving his mouth down to Blaine’s neck and biting, sucking, biting again at the flesh there.

Blaine groaned. “Yours, yes, yours. You can have me, you can have anything, I’m yours.”

_And I’ll be honest, I’m still scared of sex._ Kurt tore at Blaine’s shirt, ripping the buttons apart, and pushed the fabric down his shoulders until it caught at his bound wrists. He rucked the undershirt up to Blaine’s shoulders, and then lifted the front hem and neckline over Blaine’s head to rest behind his neck, restricting the motion of his shoulders even more.

“We should have taken those off before we put the handcuffs on,” Blaine said with a nervous giggle.

Kurt looked him over, his chest exposed and the fabric of his shirts crumpled and stretched, framing his body. “I like it better this way.”

Blaine’s eyes glazed over. “Oh god, yes.”

Kurt started to unbutton his own shirt. He didn’t even know why he was doing this. He hadn’t planned it at all. He’d taken one look at those handcuffs, and Blaine sitting there so absolutely willing, so completely vulnerable, so eager to be taken … It stirred something inside himself that he never even acknowledged the existence of, something that scared him whenever it crossed the threshold of his consciousness. Something that, in Kurt’s mind, felt dark and animal and entirely unlike himself.

His shirt off, he straddled Blaine’s lap and held his face in both hands. “Fuck, you’re so fucking hot.” He kissed him again.

_But we can go slow, and figure it out together. I’ll find a way to take care of you, if you want me to do that for you. I promise, I can do this. I want to. For you._ Kurt moved his hands to Blaine’s shoulders and pressed their bodies together. He was so hard now, his pants felt tight with his erection straining against them. He couldn’t help it, he thrust his hips, grinding against Blaine’s stomach. When he rocked back into Blaine’s lap, he felt Blaine’s erection too, pressing hard against his ass through both of their pants.

Blaine was gone, he was under, and he was babbling whenever Kurt let his mouth free. “Yes, yes, I want you, oh god, please more, please.”

Kurt thrust against him again and again, burying his face in Blaine’s neck and kissing, biting, breathing in the smell of his sweat and his lust. “God, I’m so close,” Kurt moaned.

“Please, please, you can come, I want to watch you, I want to see your face when you come. I want to know how good I can make you feel, please Sir, let me see you.”

“No, I can’t,” Kurt gasped, thrusting again. He could … it would be so easy. Blaine was asking for it, he wanted it, they both wanted it. What was the harm, really? Why shouldn’t he just give in to it?

“ _Please_ ,” Blaine begged again.

“I can’t, it’s not fair if I come and I don’t let you…” But he couldn’t stop moving against Blaine, using his body to bring himself as close to the brink as possible. He could hardly bring himself to care what Blaine was feeling. He only wanted to take, take, take until there was nothing left that was denied to him.

“I don’t need to, please, it’s enough for me just to see you, please, please.”

_Because I love you._

Kurt shook his head. “No, I can’t, I can’t.” He tore himself away, rolled to the side and threw himself off the bed, coming to rest in a fetal position with his back against the bed. This wasn’t how you were supposed to treat someone you love, he screamed at himself silently. He didn’t even know who he was anymore.

He heard the clink of the handcuffs impacting the headboard rail, and Blaine fell back against the headboard with an anguished groan. “Kurt? Kurt? I can’t … are you okay?”

Kurt ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. As absorbed as he was in figuring out what was going on with himself, he couldn’t forget Blaine. Who he had left _handcuffed to the bed_.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he said, even though it was a blatant lie. “I’m so sorry, let me find the key.” He looked around on the floor and found the upturned box, then the key a short distance away, right up against the edge of the nightstand. He picked it up and pulled himself to a standing position.

Blaine was on the bed, trapped. He’d brought his knees up to try to hide his erection, Kurt assumed. His hair was a mess, sticking up in all directions, and the skin of his neck bloomed with bite marks and angry purple-red spots from Kurt’s harsh kisses. Kurt groaned to see it, disgusted with himself and even more disgusted by how turned on he got from looking at the way he’d destroyed Blaine’s body.

Kurt looked away, forced himself to focus strictly on Blaine’s hands as he unlocked the cuffs. He had to take care of Blaine. It was his responsibility, no matter how much of a mess he was himself. “Do you need anything? Water or juice or … do your wrists hurt, should I …?”

“I’m fine, Kurt, but you’re not.”

Blaine did sound fine. He’d come out of his subspace trance quickly and easily. He didn’t seem scared at all, or hurt, despite what Kurt had just done to him. Kurt was puzzled. He didn’t understand how Blaine could be so calm after what had just happened.

“No, I’m fine, are you sure you don’t need …”

“If you’re fine, then look at me,” Blaine said.

Kurt couldn’t meet his eyes. He focused on Blaine’s forehead instead.

“You’re not fooling me,” Blaine said softly. “Can we please talk about it? Please, just sit down, tell me what’s wrong.”

“No, I … I …” Kurt fumbled and turned away.

Blaine came up behind and put his hands on Kurt’s shoulders. “Kurt,” he said gently. “Please let me help you.”

Kurt’s final bit of strength crumbled away, and he let himself collapse onto the bed. “I’m so sorry, Blaine. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t control myself, and I broke a bunch of the rules, and I almost broke more of them, and I wasn’t nice to you at all, I’m so sorry, I’m a terrible person, I’m sorry.”

“Kurt, you’re not … you’re not a terrible person.” Blaine sounded almost confused. “Everything you did today, I wanted all of that. I was totally into it. I was begging for more. Nothing bad happened. I don’t understand …”

“But I broke all the rules! We’re not supposed to touch below the waist, but I was grinding against you anyway! And I would have … I almost … it was almost sex, Blaine, I almost didn’t stop myself. And we didn’t even _talk_ about changing the rules. I am so sorry, I don’t know what got into me. I’m not … I’m not like that … At least, I didn’t think I was.”

“Kurt …” Blaine nudged his shoulder with one hand, guiding Kurt to face him directly. “Those rules … you didn’t put them there to protect _me_. You put them there to hide from yourself. Because you’re scared of your own instincts. But you don’t need to be. Your instincts are _good_. They’re part of you, and you don’t need to run from them. Because you’re a good person, Kurt, all the way down to your core. I know it.”

Kurt shook his head. Blaine didn’t understand. Today was supposed to have been sweet and romantic, and Kurt had messed up the entire thing. He’d let his hormones take over and turn it into a harsh, lust-crazed episode. How could he even think about being in a relationship with Blaine, if he was capable of behaving like this?

“I can’t control myself,” Kurt said, trying to explain. “It’s scary for me, and I can’t imagine how scary it must be for you. I don’t deserve your trust.”

“But you _can_ control yourself. You _did_. You stopped it when you didn’t want it to go on any further. And I have no doubt, if I’d used a safeword, you would have stopped right away. Wouldn’t you?”

“I … I think so. I don’t know.”

Blaine leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. “You would have. I know you would.”

“You deserve so much better than me, Blaine.”

“There’s no such thing. There’s nobody better than you.” The amount of trust in Blaine’s eyes, _god_ , it made Kurt’s heart ache. He wanted to shake Blaine and tell him to wake up, to stop putting so much faith in an unlearned, untested boy who had no idea what he was doing.

“That’s sweet of you to say, but we both know it’s not true.”

“But—”

Kurt cut him off. “Stop. Enough of this. You want to make me feel better, I get it, but I just … I’m so confused and … I just need some space. I need to think. By myself. Maybe next weekend, we could—”

“Oh,” Blaine said, his face falling. “I was meaning to tell you. I can’t come to Lima next weekend. I, um … I have a date. I’m so sorry, I usually try to schedule them during the week so that I can spend my weekends with you, but he’s only getting into town on Saturday afternoon, so we had to schedule it on Saturday night and … I’m sorry. I’ll really miss you. But there’s not much time left, so I … didn’t think I should say no.”

Kurt was fairly certain that if he looked down at his own chest, he’d see the hilt of a dagger sticking out of it. The pain was so sharp it had to be physical, didn’t it? He closed his eyes. Of course Blaine was dating other guys. Kurt had even told him to, ordered him not to wait until the last minute. It was the smart thing to do, and Blaine was right, time was running out. It had been two and a half months already. He hadn’t expected Blaine to sit around and wait for him, especially not after Kurt had been so clear early on about not wanting to take on that role.

He could stop this. He was almost certain that if he said what he’d intended to say today, Blaine would still say yes, even after what had just happened. But he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Blaine deserved better than him. Blaine deserved someone who knew what they were doing and could take good care of him. Not someone like Kurt, too weak to control himself, let alone take care of someone else. He couldn’t take this opportunity away from Blaine.

“I could … I could cancel it,” Blaine said, his voice sounding almost eager. “Or I could get up really early on Sunday, and come out to Lima just for the day.”

“No, Blaine, that’s silly,” Kurt forced himself to say. “It’s too long a drive for just one day, and you’ll be tired after … after …” He took a calming breath. “Don’t cancel your plans just to come see a friend. You need to take care of yourself.”

Blaine nodded glumly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Kurt said, trying to sound calm. He couldn’t stand to look at Blaine another minute. Blaine, with his adoring, sad eyes. Blaine, with hickeys standing out on his neck even as the bite marks began to fade. Blaine, who might be about to sleep with another guy next weekend.

Kurt had to send him away. He couldn’t talk about this any more, it was too hard. He couldn’t let Blaine stay here when every second was an almost unbearable temptation to wrap his arms around him and kiss him until they both lost their senses, lost control, lost everything.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said. Blaine looked shocked at being dismissed like that. Kurt had to look away from his pleading eyes.

“Kurt…”

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t.”

\---------------------------------------

Blaine sped down the empty freeway. He was usually a cautious driver, but today he broke the speed limit, needing to run away, to put the miles behind him as quickly as possible. He didn’t understand how everything had gone so terribly wrong.

He hadn’t expected Kurt’s reaction to his gift. He was prepared for a little bit of anger, maybe a punishment at trying to push him again, though that hadn’t been his intention at all. He’d thought most likely Kurt would blush and laugh, put the handcuffs away, and they’d spend the day doing their usual things—watching TV or working on their homework side by side, maybe with a little bit of kissing or fooling around.

He never thought Kurt would actually use the cuffs. But oh, how his heart had leapt when Kurt bound him to the bed. It had been a little bit scary at first, being unable to move, but he’d let himself give in to it and enjoy it. Everything he’d said had been true, about how deeply he trusted Kurt, and it was so exciting to know that the trust worked in practice, not just in theory.

And _oh_ , Kurt had never been hotter. The way he’d just taken over, not asking Blaine for permission, not checking constantly to make sure he was okay, just _taking_ what he wanted. Blaine was getting turned on again just thinking about it, which meant he probably should avoid thinking about it as much as possible.

They’d come so very close. Blaine wouldn’t have needed anything more than that to come. And if he had, if Kurt had let him … just a single word from Kurt, an order or even just permission to come … all of Blaine’s nightmares would have been over. Or at least, delayed for another three months. He’d never expected to get that from Kurt, but after getting so tantalizingly close today, the absence of it was torturous.

And then the way Kurt had run from it, from Blaine, from himself. Blaine’s inability to convince him that everything was okay, even though it was _so incredibly more than okay_ …

Why wouldn’t Kurt believe him? Kurt was the most wonderful guy in the world. He was everything Blaine had ever wanted, more than he’d ever dreamed of being able to have. Why couldn’t Kurt see his own worth? Why didn’t Kurt have faith in himself? Why didn’t he see what Blaine could see? Why didn’t he see that he was entirely deserving of Blaine’s trust and love?

_Love_.

Blaine had to pull off the road. He started to cry as he finally admitted to himself what he’d felt all along. _I love you._

He picked up his phone and pulled up Kurt’s number. He held his finger over the call button for a long time, trying to think of what he could say. But Kurt couldn’t be convinced, or at least, Blaine couldn’t figure out how. If Kurt loved him back, he was confused and upset and couldn’t deal with it right now. And if Kurt didn’t, then this was the last thing he would want to hear.

Blaine threw the phone down onto the passenger seat, started the car again, and got back on the road to Dalton.


	14. Chapter 14

Alex, Nick’s brother, was everything Blaine had been looking for. He was twenty-one years old, a Junior at Harvard, studying psychology. He was a former Warbler and now performed with a singing group at college, though he had no interest in music as a career. He was a few inches taller than Blaine, with a slim build, dark hair that flopped down on his forehead, and glasses that made him look nerdy-cute. His smile was absolutely adorable, and his dark eyes gazed at Blaine with a quiet intensity that filled Blaine with a sense of calm and assurance.

They talked about Dalton first, over appetizers at the Greek restaurant. Which teachers had left since Alex’s graduation, the classes Blaine shared with Nick, their favorite hiding spots in the dorm and the library. They talked about Harvard, and how college is different from high school, and Blaine’s thoughts about where he might apply in a few years. Their entrees came and they discussed their favorite bands, and Blaine talked about how much he enjoyed arranging popular music into a capella versions for the Warblers, and Alex asked questions that showed he was actually interested in the discussion.

Blaine found himself talking easily, laughing at Alex’s jokes, listening with interest to what Alex had to say. They could be good friends, he thought. Maybe even more, under the right circumstances. He was the first person Blaine had met in this long journey that he could actually see himself wanting to go to bed with. Aside from Kurt, of course, but he pushed that thought away.

Alex teased Blaine into ordering dessert. Once they handed their menus back to the waitress, he turned to Blaine with a serious expression on his face. “So, we should talk about stuff.”

Blaine felt heat rising into his cheeks. “Oh. Yeah. I guess.”

Alex gave him a sympathetic half-smile. “This is going to be awkward no matter what, so if you’re not interested at all, please tell me now so that I can avoid embarrassing myself and we can just eat our dessert and go on having a nice time.”

“I’m … uh … I’m interested,” Blaine said.

“Good,” Alex said. “Me too.”

Blaine smiled shyly at him across the table.

“Okay, so …” Alex cleared his throat. “I don’t like to do casual sex. If we do this, I want there to be some kind of relationship there. I have … oh, I probably should have started with this. I’m involved with two guys up at college. Long-term relationships, one of them for two years, the other one a little bit less than a year. It’s not true love or anything, but they’re nice relationships. They work. All of us date around, because we all want to find exclusive claims at some point, but the rule is no outside sex without each other’s permission. I um … I asked them about you before I left, and they were both fine with me getting involved with someone long-distance. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be presumptuous, but we’re kind of short on time here, unfortunately.”

“It’s okay, I get it.”

“So I’d want the same kind of arrangement with you,” Alex said. “I mean, assuming that things work out the first time. I’d want to be part of your life, know what’s going on with you, tell you what’s happening with me. I’d want it to be a regular thing, whenever I’m back in Ohio. But you’d be free to date other people, as long as you ask me before you have sex with anyone else.”

Blaine thought he must be blushing furiously at this point. “I’m not likely to find anyone else anyway. But yeah, that sounds … good. That’s the kind of thing I want, definitely.”

The waitress brought their dessert plates, a slice of chocolate cake for Alex (“I know it’s off-theme, but it looks _so good_ ,” he’d said when he ordered it) and a piece of baklava for Blaine. Alex thanked her and waited until she left before speaking again.

“I wish we weren’t so rushed. I wish I could get to know you, take you on a few more dates. I really like you, but … it’s so fast, I don’t usually … but it can’t be helped. I’m leaving Monday morning, like I said, and I won’t be visiting again until spring break, mid-April. I know your Sickness is coming up soon, you can’t wait until then. I just wish I could give you more time, I hate to ask you to make a decision like this on such a small amount of information.”

“It’s not your fault,” Blaine said. He took a bite of his dessert. It practically melted in his mouth.

“I know.” Alex speared his cake with his fork and broke off a piece. “But I still want to make it as easy on you as possible.” He popped it into his mouth. “Oh god, this is _amazing_.”

Blaine smiled. “I appreciate that. You ... seem like a really nice guy.”

“But?”

Blaine shook his head. “No but. You seem nice. I like you.”

Alex cocked his head to one side. “I know you’re dating someone. Nick told me. You going to tell me about him?”

“Oh.” Blaine shifted uncomfortably. “We’re not dating. Not exactly.”

Alex took another bite of his cake, waiting.

Blaine looked down at his plate. “I like him. A lot. But he doesn’t want to … so that’s not an option.”

“That must be really hard for you.”

Blaine looked up. Had Alex really said that without any sarcasm? He looked entirely sympathetic.

Alex reached his hands out across the table toward Blaine, palms up. Blaine looked at him for a moment, and then hesitantly reached out and set his hands on top. Alex squeezed them lightly, offering support. “I hope he changes his mind someday. If you like him that much.”

Something crumpled in Blaine’s chest at the unexpected kindness. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Alex paid the bill, waving off Blaine’s offer to split the check. They walked out into the parking lot together, their steps slowing as they approached the cars.

“Now what?” Blaine asked.

“I guess that’s up to you,” Alex said. “I’d be happy to, um, take this back to my hotel room … or your dorm room if you prefer … but I don’t want to presume anything. And I don’t want to push you to make a decision, except that I’m only here tonight and tomorrow, so … god, I really wish there was more time.”

He should say yes. It was the smart thing to do. He should go with Alex to his hotel, he should get on his knees and let Alex take care of him, let Alex do whatever he wanted. Alex was caring and confident and attractive, he knew what he was doing and he would make sure everything was right for Blaine. There was no chance of finding anyone better, not in the few weeks he had left. If he said no, he was almost certainly going to end up with Sebastian. He shouldn’t let this opportunity pass him by.

But something stopped him. Somehow, Blaine just couldn’t go with Alex. At least, not yet.

“Can I think about it?” Blaine asked. “Will you be free tomorrow night, if I decide … I like you a lot, I just … it’s so fast, I just want some time to think. Please don’t be mad, I really really do like you.”

Alex nodded. “I’m not mad. That’s fine. Sleep on it. It’s a good idea.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said, relieved.

“Do you think … would it maybe help you make up your mind if I kiss you goodnight?” Alex asked. “I don’t mean to be … let’s just say it’s another data point for you?”

Blaine laughed. “Yeah, actually, I think another data point could be very useful.”

Alex stepped closer and brought his hand up to cup Blaine’s cheek. He tipped Blaine’s face up toward him and leaned in, meeting Blaine’s mouth with a soft, tender kiss.

It was pleasant, Blaine thought, letting his eyes flutter shut. Alex’s lips were firm but gentle, and he tasted the lingering flavor of chocolate on his mouth. His hand was soft against Blaine’s face, his fingers curling the slightest bit to stroke across his cheek.

Alex pulled away with a happy little humming noise. “You’re lovely, Blaine. It would be … lovely.”

“Thank you. For everything.” Blaine exchanged one last smile with Alex, then turned away and got into his car.

It was nothing like kissing Kurt, he thought, as he maneuvered out of the parking lot. With Kurt, there was always this spark, this feeling in his chest like something building up or breaking down or catching fire or something. He didn’t really know how to put it into words, but it felt like something _more_ , not just a pleasant sensation, but something _meaningful_ , something bigger than himself. Kissing Alex was fun and nice and it made him happy, but kissing Kurt made him forget that anything else existed in the entire world. Kurt _became_ the entire world. Kurt became _everything_.

_Kurt_ , his heart cried out.

He should have gone with Alex. He knew he should have. He could call right now. They weren’t more than a few feet away from each other, headed down the road in the same direction, in their separate cars. Or he could wait and call tomorrow, make it tomorrow night instead of tonight. But what was the point in waiting? What was the point, when Blaine knew he had to do this.

He had to tell Kurt. Suddenly Blaine knew that was why he’d asked for more time. He’d thought he should keep this to himself, not hurt Kurt by letting him know what was happening. But now Blaine realized that he would never be able to bring himself to do this without telling Kurt first. Kurt knew where he was tonight, knew what it could lead to, and he’d let him go. But Blaine needed something more. As selfish as it was, as cruel to Kurt as he knew it would be, Blaine realized he was not going to be able to go to Alex or anyone else without Kurt’s explicit permission.

He turned at the next light and headed toward the freeway to Lima.

\--------------------------------------

Kurt didn’t notice his father standing next to the couch until he spoke. “The Packers won.”

“What?” Kurt asked, startled.

Burt gestured at the TV. “That’s the Super Bowl. It was three weeks ago. I’m surprised it’s still even on the DVR. I’m even more surprised to find you watching football.”

“Oh. I wasn’t really watching. I just wanted some background noise.” He’d chosen a football game because he knew he couldn’t concentrate on anything with plot, and he wanted something loud enough to drown out the voices in his head.

Burt took the remote control and flicked off the TV, then sat down on the couch beside Kurt. “You want to tell me what’s wrong? Why wasn’t Blaine here today? You two have a fight?”

“No, we’re not fighting,” Kurt said. He supposed there was no use in trying to hide anything, his father  would have the information out of him one way or another. “He’s on a date.”

Burt narrowed his eyes. “Why is your sub out on a date with someone who’s not you?”

Kurt held up his left arm, showing his bare wrist. “Not my sub, Dad. He’s not even my boyfriend.”

“Kurt, matching leather cuffs on your wrists isn’t what makes someone your sub. That’s just a symbol to remind you, and to let the rest of the world know. That boy’s been your sub for ages. He looks at you like his world revolves around you. Because it does. And you let him do it. I warned you to be clear, and you did it anyway.”

“But we _were_ clear. We’re just friends, we said it over and over.”

“My ass,” Burt said. “Doesn’t make one bit of difference what you’re calling it. In his heart, he’s your sub. And I see the way you look at him. I know you think of him as yours. And I’m not dumb, I know you’re fooling around together up in your bedroom all the time. So answer me, why is he out on a date with another guy?”

“Because he deserves someone better than me,” Kurt said, exasperated and almost whining. He was so embarrassed to admit all of this to his father, but there was no way he could pull back from this conversation now. “I can’t take care of him. I’m not strong enough. I’m not … I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“What makes you think that?” Burt asked. “He tell you you’re not strong enough, not doing a good job?”

“No, he never did, he always says I’m doing great, which is …” Kurt paused, chewing on his lip, trying to put his feelings into words. “He doesn’t understand. The way I feel when I look at him … I stop thinking clearly. My hormones take over and I’m not even me anymore, and it’s so scary, sometimes I can’t stop myself from doing and thinking these things, and … a good dom should be able to control himself.”

“Has he ever said no to you? Ever safeworded, or even just said that he didn’t want to do something you were trying?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, never. Why?”

“Seems to me you’re not so out of control, then,” Burt said, leaning back on the couch. “Seems to me you’re taking very good care. Seems like your instincts are right, and you’re focused on what he wants and needs.”

“I …” Kurt didn’t know what to say. He’d never thought about it that way before. He’d only thought about how it seemed to himself. “But I still feel so _weak_. Like I’m not half as strong or trustworthy as he thinks I am.”

Burt laughed, and Kurt’s heart fell. Was his father laughing at his weakness in the middle of this? It was mortifying. “Kurt, son, everyone feels like that. Life is hard, and it comes at you fast, and all your plans get shot to hell as soon as anything starts happening. I hate to say it, but you’re never, ever in this life going to feel like you’ve got everything under control. But that’s why it’s so nice to have a sub. Because when he looks up at you like you’re capable of making everything right, it gives you the confidence to actually do that. It’s so much easier than doing it alone.”

Kurt blinked. Not laughing at him after all, apparently. “But you’re not like that. You’re always strong, even by yourself. After Mom died … you didn’t have a sub for years, until you met Carole, but you never worried about anything.”

“Are you shittin’ me? I worried about _everything_. I put up a strong front for you, because you were a kid. But god, Kurt, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I miss your Mom like crazy, because I loved her and she was an incredible person, but also because she made me feel like I knew what the hell I was doing. And nobody can ever replace her, but Carole … she makes me feel the same way. That’s what it’s about. That’s the whole thing. It’s not about who is stronger than who. It’s about how you support each other. How a dom and a sub together are a thousand times stronger than either one alone.”

Kurt’s jaw dropped. “Blaine …” he said, almost a whisper. It was true, seeing Blaine’s trust in him always brought out his confidence. At least, until he started second-guessing himself. It had never occurred to him that maybe he shouldn’t second-guess. Maybe that strange confidence, that instinctive part of himself that took over and seemed to know what to do without his conscious control, maybe that was how it was supposed to work. Maybe he really could trust that part of himself too.

Burt glanced at his watch. “Call him, kid. It’s getting late. Call him before he does something stupid that you’ll both regret.”

Kurt stood up, almost in a trance, and walked to the kitchen where his phone was plugged in. He picked it up, and the doorbell rang. He turned and stared at his father, eyes wide.

Burt nodded at him. “Answer the door, Kurt.”

\------------------------------------

Kurt’s face when he opened the door was impossible for Blaine to read. He looked like he’d seen a ghost, or maybe like Blaine was a ghost. It must be surprising, Blaine realized, him showing up like this when he’d said he wouldn’t be in Lima at all this weekend. But before he could open his mouth, Kurt’s hands were grasping his biceps and his face had changed to worry and he was speaking frantically.

“What happened? Did he hurt you? Did he … are you okay? Oh my god, Blaine, if he hurt you, I’m going to kill him.”

“What? No! No, Kurt, no, he was a perfect gentleman. I was … I … I just had to see you tonight.”

Kurt’s eyes moved across his face, searching. “Why?”

Blaine should have planned this speech. There was too much to say all at once, and it came out of him all in a confused jumble, but he had to just say it and get it out there. “He seems like he would be a really good dom. I should have gone home with him, I probably will, tomorrow, but I just couldn’t … Kurt, I couldn’t do it without telling you that … oh god, I’m so sorry, but I had to tell you that I wish it could be you. I’m not asking you to dom me, I know you’re not ready, I can’t ask you for that, not after what it did to you the first time.” This was starting to go off the rails, but somehow he couldn’t focus back on asking for permission, while his thoughts came flowing out of him. “I just hope that someday, when you’re ready, you’ll want me, and I can come to you. Because … I love you. I’m so, so sorry to put all of this on you, I didn’t mean to, but Kurt, I’m _yours_ , I want to be yours, and I’m just … I can’t … I …” He trailed off, unable to speak anymore because he was crying.

“Blaine, I … I’m ready.” Blaine’s eyes shot up to Kurt’s face, and he saw that Kurt was crying too, little tears streaming out of the corners of his eyes. “The thought of you with someone else was killing me, and I … I love you, too. If it’s you, I’m ready.”

This was too good to be true, beyond Blaine’s wildest dreams. “Kurt … are you sure?”

Kurt answered with a kiss, tugging Blaine toward him and catching his mouth, open and soggy with tears and snot and horribly messy and absolutely the most beautiful, wonderful kiss ever in the world.

“Oh my god, _Kurt_ ,” Blaine said when Kurt let him go. He dropped to his knees, half out of submission and half simply collapsing at the overwhelming emotion of what was happening to him.

Kurt laughed through a sob. He took a deep breath and seemed to calm down a little. Blaine stared up at him, still stunned at what was happening.

“Blaine, you … you said you want to be mine. Do you mean, you want me to claim you?”

“You don’t have to, but … god, yes.”

“I, um …” Kurt looked chagrined. “I already bought cuffs for us. Weeks ago, back when I first realized I was in love with you. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do, but I saw them and I just … I don’t know what came over me, it was an impulse buy. But they’re perfect.”

“Yes,” Blaine whispered hoarsely.

“Wait here,” Kurt said, and he bounded up the stairs, taking them two at a time, leaving Blaine kneeling in the entryway still wearing his coat.

He returned less than a minute later, carrying a small shopping bag. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean you had to stay kneeling!”

“It’s okay, you were gone for like five seconds.”

“Yeah, but still, stand up, stand up. And take your coat off, silly.” Kurt looked around the room, which was empty. “Dad!” he called out. “Where did you disappear to? Come back! I need a witness!”

Burt stuck his head out from the kitchen. “I thought you could use some privacy.”

“I appreciate that, but could you come back now?” Kurt said, grinning.

“Hi, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said politely.

“Now look, kids,” Burt said, completely failing at looking stern. “This is serious business. These teenage claims don’t usually last long, because people don’t know what they’re getting into. You sure this is what you want?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Five minutes ago you told me I should do this.”

“What?” Blaine asked, confused. Had they been talking about him before he arrived? He’d have to get the full story on this later.

“Just makin’ sure,” Burt said, smirking.

Kurt pulled the cuffs out of the bag he was holding. They were thick leather with a double buckle fastener, a thin piece of metal woven in a pattern between the two buckle straps. “Marc Jacobs,” Kurt said, as if it would make a difference whether it was designer or not.

“They’re perfect,” Blaine said. He blinked, trying not to start crying again.

Kurt held one of the cuffs out to him, and Blaine held out his wrist for Kurt to put it on him. “I promise to love you, honor you, and protect you, as long as you will have me,” Kurt said, his voice breaking just the slightest bit. He fastened the buckles around Blaine’s wrist.

Blaine stared at it for a second. He felt more grounded than he ever had before. He’d always felt tethered to Kurt, as long as he could remember, but the cuff on his wrist suddenly made it seem real in a way that it hadn’t before.

“Your turn,” Kurt said softly, handing him the other cuff.

Blaine placed it around Kurt’s wrist. “I promise to love you, respect you, and obey you, as long as you keep your promises to me.” He fastened it shut. It was done. He couldn’t believe it. Kurt was his dom. Of all the ways Blaine had thought this night might end, this had never been one of them.

Blaine dropped to his knees and looked up at Kurt. “Please …” he whispered.

Kurt reached down and took his hands, pulled him to his feet. “Not yet, love. I’m going to ask you to wait one more day. You’re not Sick yet, are you? Just until tomorrow, okay?”

“Why?” Blaine asked. It came out in an anguished whine. He wasn’t Sick, but he was desperate, he wanted Kurt _now_.

Kurt stroked Blaine’s face with one hand. “Because I want everything to be perfect for our first time together. I want fresh sheets on the bed, and scented candles, and maybe some rose petals scattered around. I want you dressed up for me, not fresh off some date with another guy. I want us to be well-rested and to have plenty of time and the house to ourselves, not exhausted in the middle of the night and worrying about my parents and Finn overhearing us. I want this to be something we’ll both want to remember for the rest of our lives.”

“But it’s not our first time together,” Blaine said.

“Yes it is,” Kurt said firmly. “It’s the first time that counts. Last time was two strangers thrown together with hardly any choice in the matter, scared out of our wits. That wasn’t _us_. This … this is my claimed sub, who I love, coming to me willingly and happily, both of us ready for what we’re going to do together. Just like in the romantic fairy tales. This is what I want us to remember as our first time.”

“Okay,” Blaine whispered. He leaned his head on Kurt’s shoulder, smiling as Kurt’s arms wrapped around his body in a warm embrace. “Kurt? Just, please don’t send me away tonight.”

“Of course not, Love,” Kurt said. “Stay here with me.”

\------------------------------------

They fell into bed, physically and emotionally exhausted, Blaine wearing a pair of Kurt’s pajamas. Their limbs were wrapped around each other’s bodies, as if an inch of space between them was too much to bear, as if their bodies had to be touching at every possible place. Soft kisses fell on lips, on cheeks and necks and shoulders and hands. The lightest of touches on each other’s backs and arms and hips and faces. Their noses touching, staring into each other’s eyes, whispering “I love you” over and over and over again.

“I don’t want to wait,” Blaine whispered.

“Shhh, Love, one more day, it will be worth it.”

A whimpered little sob, and they fell asleep surrounded by each other.


	15. Chapter 15

Kurt sent him away for the afternoon as nicely as possible, but it still ripped Blaine apart to leave the Hummel-Hudson house and drive to his parents’ empty one. They’d had a pleasant though extremely awkward brunch with Kurt’s family, and everyone had agreed to be out of the house for the evening. And then Kurt had ordered Blaine to go home, clean himself up, get all his homework done, and come back at six that evening wearing a suit. Even though he knew that the only thing Blaine wanted to do was stay as close by his side as possible.

His obsession with setting everything up perfectly was romantic, of course, but it was also extremely annoying.

The part about wearing suits might be nice, Blaine admitted. Kurt must look fabulous in a suit.

Blaine let himself into the house and walked upstairs to his bedroom. He trusted his dom completely, and he knew that whatever Kurt was planning, it would be worth it. He knew, also, that the anticipation would heighten the enjoyment tonight, for both of them. Kurt wasn’t antagonizing him needlessly.

He pulled his math homework out of his bag and set everything up on the desk. He drummed his fingers on the notebook, unable to concentrate. There were loose ends to tie up.

He called Alex and explained what had happened after their date the night before. Alex was more gracious than any real-live human being had any right to be. He was practically gleeful at Blaine’s good fortune. Blaine was grinning from ear to ear by the time he hung up the phone.

Another glance at his homework, and he booted up his laptop.

_Blaine Anderson changed his relationship status to In a Claim with Kurt Hummel._

Seventeen people hit the like button within ten minutes.

 _Sebastian Smythe:_ Kurt finally grew a pair, huh? Congrats.

 _Kurt Hummel:_ Blaine, I told you to do your homework.

_Sebastian Smythe and three others like this._

_Blaine Anderson:_ Sorry, Sir.

\------------------------------------

Kurt knew that the excessive planning was unnecessary. Sure, it was kind of romantic, but mainly it was a way of coping with his own nervousness. It was basically the same thing as the Bridezilla phenomenon.

But hey, he needed a way of coping with his own nervousness right now. There was nothing wrong with that. He couldn’t control everything, and he understood that he didn’t need to. But he could be in control of himself and the environment he was creating, and he wanted to do as much of that as he could.

He made a shopping list. It started with condoms and lube, though he didn’t actually plan to get into any activities just yet that would require condoms. It was always best to be prepared. Scented candles were next, and then flowers, and then new sheets (high threadcount). He racked his brain for more things he might need, but he couldn’t wait around too long. He was going to need to get out to the mall and back quickly if he was going to have time to wash and iron those sheets before Blaine got back.

\------------------------------------

Blaine couldn’t stop staring at Kurt from the moment he opened the door. Kurt wasn’t wearing a suit exactly, but he looked absolutely stunning just the same. He wore black pants and a white button-down shirt with a black patterned vest over it. His sleeves were rolled up almost to his elbows, leaving his cuff visible. Blaine nearly dropped to his knees right there at the door.

“Hi,” Kurt said nervously. “Come on in. Let’s go right upstairs.”

“Yeah. Great.” Blaine followed Kurt into his bedroom. He didn’t even try to stop himself from staring at Kurt’s ass the whole way there.

\------------------------------------

Kurt closed the door to his bedroom with a soft click. By the time he turned around, Blaine was on his knees. Kurt waited, watching him, anticipating, but Blaine didn’t speak. The seconds ticked by, and Kurt began to wonder whether something had gone terribly wrong.

“Why aren’t you asking me?” Kurt asked, nervous.

Blaine held up his arm, displaying his leather cuff. “I don’t have to ask you. I’m yours.”

Kurt swallowed hard. Blaine was right. A sub could always say no, of course, but as a claimed dom, he could initiate sex with Blaine whenever he wanted to. He could even phrase it as a command, from the outset. The power rush of that realization left him slightly dizzy, and he wobbled a little bit on his feet.

Blaine put his arm back down. “Would you like me to ask? I could ask … or even beg, if that’s what you want.”

“No,” Kurt said sharply. And then more quietly, “No. Don’t ask.”

He took Blaine by the hands and helped pull him to stand again. Kurt looked at him in wonderment, so handsome in his suit and black bow tie, like a gift perfectly wrapped up for him to open. The room was lit only by a small lamp and some candles, and Kurt could have stared at the play of light and shadow on his face for hours. He brushed his hands across Blaine’s shoulders and down the line of his torso to his waist. “Beautiful, beautiful,” he said softly. “And all mine.” He gently pulled at the end of Blaine’s bow tie, unraveling it in slow motion, then sliding it off from around his neck. He unbuttoned Blaine’s suit jacket and slid it off his shoulders, then walked to the desk chair and hung it there, leaving the bowtie draped across.

Kurt turned back and saw Blaine waiting for him across the room. He looked so patient, gazing adoringly at Kurt with a small smile on his face, not questioning, not asking what was to come. For the first time since Kurt had known him, he looked completely happy, and that realization melted Kurt’s heart. He walked back to Blaine and kissed his forehead lightly. “Such a good boy. I’m going to undress you now.”

“You don’t want to order me to do it?” Blaine asked.

“No, sweetheart, I’m going to unwrap you myself,” Kurt said. He unfastened the top button of Blaine’s shirt, and Blaine hummed in happy submission to the act. There was an undershirt beneath, he discovered at the third button. He reached down to Blaine’s waist and pulled on both shirts, untucking them from his pants before unbuttoning the rest. Blaine was quiet and still, simply accepting what Kurt was doing. Kurt couldn’t believe how powerful the silent, happy submission made him feel. He let the sense of power and confidence fill his mind, trusting himself to do the right things.

“Too many layers,” Kurt teased, pulling the button-down shirt off his shoulders. “That’s usually my thing, not yours.”

“You love it,” Blaine teased right back.

“I do,” Kurt admitted. He kissed Blaine at the corner of his mouth and then pulled the undershirt over his head. He spun around, turning his back quickly before Blaine could respond, and brought both shirts to the chair.

And now Blaine was waiting for him across the room, bare to the waist. “Shoes off,” Kurt ordered, and then sauntered back to him slowly while Blaine toed off his shoes and pushed them aside with his foot.

Kurt had seen Blaine without a shirt on before. Several times now. He’d touched that skin, kissed all over it, watched Blaine come undone under his fingertips. But, aside from that terrifying day at Sectionals, it had always been with the firm rule that this was as far as it would go. That rule had been a comfort for Kurt, a clear line that prevented him from having to face things that seemed too adult, too intense, too animalistic for him. But now that rule was entirely gone. The intent was to move right past this stage without stopping. Kurt’s attitude about sex had changed somewhat, and he definitely wanted to be doing this, but still the butterflies rose in his stomach anyway. He was flying without his safety net here, and as much as he wanted to do it, as much as he felt ready, it still seemed like a giant leap.

He slid one arm around Blaine’s waist and pulled him close. The warmth of his body was comforting. Blaine leaned into Kurt and took in a deep breath, his hands sliding around Kurt’s waist. They rocked together for a moment, silent, and Kurt felt his courage returning. He hooked two fingers into the waistband of Blaine’s pants in the back, and then slid them around to the front until his thumb came to rest on the button. Blaine let out the slightest moan as Kurt popped it open. He slid the zipper down, and couldn’t help noticing that Blaine was hard already. He took a deep breath and pushed Blaine’s pants down, then held Blaine’s hand for stability as he stepped out of them.

Blaine’s boxer briefs were a totally ordinary cut and fabric, except that they were bright red. Kurt prevented himself from laughing, his mouth twitching at the corners. It wasn’t that Blaine looked silly. He looked amazing. It was that any thought process Kurt could imagine about why Blaine had chosen to wear bright red boxer briefs tonight was extremely amusing.

Blaine bit his lip. “You told me to get dressed up for you,” he said, bashful.

“I did,” Kurt agreed. “You look … fantastic.” He traced his index finger along the outline of Blaine’s hard cock, and suddenly neither of them was anywhere near laughing.

“We’re going to take these off now,” Kurt whispered.

Blaine’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Okay.”

Kurt pushed Blaine’s underwear down with trembling hands. He didn’t look, not right away. He kept his eyes on Blaine’s face, watched Blaine close his eyes and shiver a little bit, then shift as he stepped out and kicked the underwear out of the way. Kurt looked subtly away as he bent down and gathered the garments from the floor. Blaine was still wearing his socks, he noticed. He tugged on the toe of one of them. “Off,” he instructed, and Blaine lifted one foot, then the other, letting Kurt remove his final pieces of clothing.

Kurt pivoted so he wouldn’t see, and brought Blaine’s clothes to the desk. He folded them slowly and set them down in a pile. And then he took a breath and turned.

His sub was waiting for him, standing right where he’d left him, completely naked and unashamed. There was not even a blush on Blaine’s cheeks as he stood there letting Kurt look at him, which was more than Kurt could say for himself. Kurt took a moment to stand there and stare at him. His broad shoulders, muscled arms hanging at his sides. His chest tapering down to a slim waist. His cock, slightly darker than the rest of his skin, standing at attention. His legs, so solid and with dark hair covering his thighs. He looked taller than he really was, standing there openly in the middle of the room.

Kurt walked to him, taking it all in with his eyes. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, his voice faltering a little bit.

“Thank you,” Blaine said. “Kurt? Are you still scared?” He looked up at Kurt, his eyes wide and bright, so vulnerable.

Kurt had to be honest. “Yes, a little bit.”

“Me too,” Blaine said. His eyes flitted down and then back up. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Kurt locked his eyes on Blaine’s. “Absolutely. Are you?”

Blaine nodded. “More than anything in the world,” he said, almost a whisper.

Kurt held out his hand and Blaine took it, holding on to him lightly. “Then we’ll do this together,” he said.

\------------------------------------

Blaine let Kurt lead him to the bed. Kurt pulled back the covers and then guided Blaine to lie down, fluffing the pillow under his head and arranging everything just so. Blaine smiled, seeing the care that his dom was taking for him. He looked so confident, and his hands felt strong and sure whenever he touched Blaine. If he hadn’t admitted to being scared, Blaine would never have guessed that he was.

“Are you comfortable, Love?”

Blaine nodded.

“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen,” Kurt said. Blaine felt his whole body tingling at the authoritativeness of his dom’s voice. “I’m going to get you off right away. And then I’m going to spend at least an hour taking you apart, piece by piece, before I let you come again.”

“Okay,” Blaine squeaked, his voice two octaves higher than usual. He cleared his throat. “Are you … um … are you going to get undressed too?”

Kurt traced his fingers along Blaine’s collarbone. “You want to see me, hmm? We’ll make that a reward, then.”

Blaine whimpered. Nothing had even happened yet, and he was already so far gone. He was glad Kurt was planning to let him come right away, because he didn’t think he could have lasted long at all otherwise. Kurt must have known that. Blaine loved that he could relax completely, because his dom was so smart and thoughtful and always knew what he needed.

Kurt bent down and kissed him. “I love you so very much.”

“I love you, too,” Blaine said. He reached up and touched Kurt’s face, stroking his cheek gently.

Kurt stretched himself out on his side, facing Blaine and propping his head up on his left hand. His right hand traced swirly patterns on Blaine’s chest. “I’m not giving you any orders right now. You can move, talk, anything you want. Just let me take care of you.” His hand moved lower, circling around Blaine’s stomach.

“Okay,” Blaine said. He took a deep breath and shut his eyes.

“Eyes open,” Kurt said firmly, and Blaine snapped his eyes back open. Kurt giggled. “I guess that was an order. I want you to look at me, okay?”

“Okay,” Blaine said, and then his breath hitched because Kurt’s fingers were tracing lightly up and down his cock. “Oh god,” he whispered.

Kurt bent down and kissed him again. “I love you.”

“Love. You.” Blaine gasped as Kurt’s fingers circled around his shaft, grasping him firmly.

The part of his brain that did things like thinking was starting to shut itself off, but Blaine slowly realized that there had been hardly any commands. Don’t ask for sex. Shoes off. Look at Kurt. He wasn’t bound. He’d spent only a few seconds on his knees. And yet he felt entirely dominated. Kurt was so completely in control of everything that happened, and Blaine felt loved and cherished and cared for in a way that he never had before.

There were so many emotions in Kurt’s eyes. Adoration and ownership and concern for his well-being, lust and enjoyment and perhaps the slightest hint of nervousness now and then, which somehow made him all the more attractive. Kurt kept his eyes mostly on Blaine’s face, keeping a close watch on his reactions, but he looked down from time to time to see his body, to watch his hand move on Blaine’s cock.

He was allowed to speak, but there was nothing he wanted to say. His shallow breaths and soft gasps were the only things to be heard, along with small rustles as he shifted this way and that on the sheets. The pleasure built until he could hardly take it any more. “I’m so close,” Blaine whispered, not really wanting to make a noise.

“Good, sweetheart,” Kurt answered, his voice clear and steady. “You can come whenever you want to.”

The permission was like a flood of relief that Blaine didn’t even know he needed, and he came right away, with a sound that was almost a sob. He vaguely noticed Kurt cleaning him off with some tissues. Vaguely heard Kurt murmuring, “Good, such a good boy, so good for me.” But he couldn’t pay attention, couldn’t focus on anything. He was lost in this joy, and his dom’s arms around him, and there was absolutely nothing to worry about in the world.

\------------------------------------

Holding Blaine in his arms, waiting for him to come down from his afterglow, Kurt realized he wasn’t at all scared of any of this anymore. It felt so natural, and it was beautiful both to watch and to be a part of. He felt like he belonged here, in this bed with Blaine, discovering together how to take joy in their own bodies and each other’s.

And god, was he ever turned on and wearing too many clothes.

Blaine shifted in his arms and turned his head to look at Kurt’s face. “Wow,” he said, a tone of awe in his voice. “That was …”

Kurt put a finger to Blaine’s lips, playfully cutting him off. “We’re not even close to done.”

Blaine raised an eyebrow and grinned.

Kurt traced his finger down Blaine’s lips, over his chin and down the line of his neck. “I’ve recently acquired some new … _property_.” His finger slid down over Blaine’s chest and to his belly button. “But I hardly know what’s there.” Blaine looked at him questioningly, but said nothing. “I think we should … make a map,” Kurt said.

“What kind of map?” Blaine asked.

“We’ll play a little game,” Kurt said in a teasing tone. “I’ll do two things, and you say which one you like best.”

“That sounds like a good game.”

“Hmm, that’s what you say _now_ …”

Kurt arranged Blaine on the bed, lying on his back. He positioned Blaine’s arms above his head, bent with the elbows out and hands touching above his head. His legs were down flat, tapering outward to be about two feet apart at his feet. “Don’t move,” he ordered. “Don’t talk except to answer my questions.”

 _God_ , it was arousing, seeing Blaine laid out naked for him like that. Kurt’s cock strained against his suit pants, desperate to be set free. Blaine was flaccid after their first session, but he did not intend to let him stay that way for long.

He needed to get out of some of these clothes, though, and he’d said it would be a reward. “You’ve done well so far, Love,” he told Blaine. He unbuttoned his vest and took it off. Blaine licked his lips. Good. This was going well.

He sat on the bed and leaned over Blaine. “Fuck, you’re so hot,” he said. He bent down and kissed him hard on the lips, his tongue pushing into Blaine’s mouth. “That … or this?” Kurt sucked Blaine’s bottom lip into his mouth, running his teeth lightly over the top.

“That. The first one.” Blaine said once Kurt released his mouth.

“Good.” Kurt kissed him again the way he had the first time, making it as close to the same thing as possible. “Now one,” he nibbled at Blaine’s jawline, “or two?” he bit a little harder at Blaine’s earlobe.

“Two.”

Kurt rewarded him with another bite, exactly the same way. “One,” he licked around the shell of Blaine’s ear, “or two?” he sucked Blaine’s earlobe into his mouth.

Blaine breathed in sharply. “One.”

“One,” Kurt did it again, “or two?” Kurt moved around to lick his other ear the same way.

“Um … can I say they’re the same?”

“No.” It was completely arbitrary, but he relished the power of denying this simple thing.

Blaine accepted his answer without question. “Okay … um … two.”

Ten minutes later, Kurt had exhausted every spot he could think of to tease on Blaine’s face, neck, and shoulders, and Blaine was panting for breath. “You’re doing so well,” Kurt said. “I’m going to take off my shirt now.” Blaine watched as he stripped off his button-down, leaving a thin t-shirt underneath.

It turned out that Blaine’s armpits were extremely ticklish, and Kurt took advantage of that for playful torture. Soon Blaine’s muscles were tense and he was squeaking out answers to Kurt’s questions with his eyes screwed shut, jerking with reflexive movements he couldn’t suppress. By the time Kurt moved on, the sensitivity had traveled all the way up his arms to the inside of the elbow joint, and Kurt toyed with him mercilessly there as well. When he finally turned to sucking Blaine’s fingers into his mouth one by one, Blaine sighed with relief.

Kurt decided that removing his undershirt _and_ his belt _and_ his socks was a reasonable reward, considering. The fact that he desperately wanted to be out of his clothes had absolutely nothing to do with it.

He turned his attention to Blaine’s collarbone and then his nipples, still mapping out his body with the game. Blaine liked to have his nipples licked and pinched, but not sucked on, he discovered. He learned that running his fingers down Blaine’s side made him shiver, but doing both sides at once was better, and the absolute best was when he dragged his fingernails with just enough pressure to leave thin white marks that disappeared almost immediately. But the big surprise was that licking Blaine’s belly button was almost enough to make him come.

Kurt figured he should give Blaine a break after that, so he stood up and took his own pants off. It was only in retrospect that he realized watching that might not have been exactly a cooling-off period for Blaine.

“You’re doing so well for me,” he told Blaine in a soothing voice as he sat back down on the bed. “Let’s see about your legs now, shall we?”

Blaine whimpered softly in answer, and Kurt reached out to stroke the inside of his left thigh. “This … or that?” He bent down and placed a kiss at the crease between his thigh and his pelvis.

“The first one,” Blaine managed to gasp.

He worked his way down Blaine’s legs, enjoying every moment that he spent touching and exploring his body. But at the same time, his own needs were making themselves heard much more loudly. Kurt had been hard for what felt like ages, and there was a wet spot on his underwear from leaking precome. The sight of Blaine trembling beneath him, almost on the brink of an orgasm already but holding it back because Kurt said to, was almost too much to bear.

Kurt slid his finger along the arch of Blaine’s foot, from the heel to the ball of his foot. “One … or two?” He sucked on Blaine’s big toe.

“One.”

“Good, sweetheart. You were so patient. We’re done with this game now.” Kurt watched Blaine take a deep breath in and out. “You were so good, Love. I’m going to take these off.” Kurt tugged at his underwear. Blaine’s eyes widened.

Kurt stood up. This was it. The last barrier between himself and Blaine. He was about to be naked together with his sub. He should feel nervous, he thought. But he wasn’t. Not any more. He knew he wasn’t perfect, not his body, not his skills as a dom. But he realized now that he didn’t need to be. As long as he was doing the best he could, as long as he was taking good care of his sub, things were going to be okay.

He pushed his underwear down and stepped out. He let himself stand there for a moment, quiet, exposed, letting Blaine look at him with shining, hungry eyes.

“I … Blaine, I have a plan for how I want this to go, but before that, is there anything you need? Anything you want?”

“I want to suck your cock,” Blaine said without hesitation.

Kurt was startled, but maybe he shouldn’t have been. He had heard this same request from Blaine before. It must be a thing for him, a turn-on.

Kurt had also heard something pretty much like the begging that came next. “Please, Sir, I think about it all the time. I imagine what it would taste like, what it would feel like in my mouth. I want it so bad, I just want to find out … please, will you let me?”

It took Kurt a moment to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Blaine didn’t remember that he’d done it before. He’d said before that he didn’t remember the details of their first encounter, since he’d been so far gone with his Sickness. But Kurt was stunned that he didn’t even remember that he’d given a blowjob at all. He wanted to cry, it was so upsetting to think about how this had happened to Blaine without his knowledge. How Kurt had been a part of it, even though he’d never wanted to do this to him. He wondered if he should tell Blaine about it. Maybe someday, he thought, but definitely not now. This was not the time.

“Please? Sir?”

Kurt nodded. “Yes. Okay. Thank you for telling me what you want, that’s good, I always want you to do that.”

Blaine beamed with delight and excitement. “Can I be on my knees for you? While I do it?”

Kurt nodded again, holding back tears. _This is now. It’s not like that anymore. This is our first time. He wants this. And so do I._

“I love you so much, Blaine,” Kurt said. He held out his hand. “Come here, Love. Kneel for me.”

\------------------------------------

It was as incredible as Blaine had always imagined. Even though it had been his own idea, his request, he felt so submissive like this. Down on his knees, naked, taking his dom’s cock as deep in his mouth as he could. It felt amazing, letting Kurt fill his body, doing everything he could to give him pleasure.

He looked up, a small tilt of his head, his eyes straining to catch Kurt’s face. It looked like he had tears in his eyes. Blaine hoped he was doing well enough and not hurting him. He was new at this, but he hoped he would have a lot of chances to practice. He wanted to learn how to be the best he could for his dom. This incredible man, the dom he had always wanted. Blaine still couldn’t believe this was real. It was almost too good to be true.

Kurt reached down and petted his hair, and _oh god_ , it was hard for Blaine not to come from just this, from the combination of complete submission and his dom’s sweet tenderness.

“Love you,” Kurt gasped. “Love you so much, _Blaine_ , you’re so amazing.” Blaine’s heart swelled with pride.

Kurt pulled back a minute later. “Enough, sweetheart. I don’t want to come from this.”

“But I want—” Blaine whined, unable to stop himself from complaining.

Kurt answered in a firm voice. “I know. But not this time. Go lie on the bed again.”

\------------------------------------

Kurt covered Blaine with his body. He started rutting against him immediately, he couldn’t help it. His cock was trapped against Blaine’s stomach, and he felt Blaine grinding back into him, his erection pressing against Kurt’s hipbone. It felt amazing, all of it.

“I’m so close,” Kurt gasped. “I want us to come together if we can. Are you …?”

“Yes. Yes.” Blaine was panting. “I’m almost there, I can … yes.”

Kurt lifted his hips up and rearranged how he was lying against Blaine, reaching down to make sure their cocks were lined up together. Blaine moaned when Kurt rocked into him again.

“You’re doing so well for me, Love. You make me feel so good.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Kurt loved it when Blaine called him Sir. It made him feel completely in control. He loved the tone of respect, almost worshipfulness in Blaine’s voice. Blaine said it the way he always did, but it didn’t seem like quite the right thing now. Kurt wanted something different. Something more personal.

“I’m not just any dom to you, am I?” Kurt asked.

“No, Sir. Of course not.”

“You only want me, don’t you? Nobody else.”

“Only you, yes. I love you.” Blaine was trembling on the edge of an orgasm. Kurt could see him straining to hold it back.

“Then say my name,” Kurt said.

“Kurt,” Blaine said, gasping. “I love you, _Kurt_.”

“Good, Blaine, sweetheart. I love you, too. I’m almost there, okay? I want to hear my name when you come.”

“Okay. Okay.”

Kurt didn’t know whether he wanted this moment to last forever, or to just come _right now_. It wasn’t as if he had much choice in the matter, though. Blaine’s eyes were squeezed shut with the effort of waiting, his hands gripping Kurt’s shoulders as if he might fall off the earth if he let go, and Kurt couldn’t hold himself back either. He came harder than he ever had before, spurt after spurt shooting between them and smearing all over their stomachs and chests.

Blaine moaned his name as he let himself go, half a second after Kurt did, and then faster, “ _Kurtkurtkurtkurtkurt_.”

“Blaine, god, I love you, _Blaine_.”

Kurt found a comfortable position to lie in, holding Blaine a close as he could. They floated together for a few minutes, too lost in the afterglow to want to say anything. Finally, Kurt began to speak softly into Blaine’s ear. “You were so good for me, sweetheart. So perfect. Such a good boy, you did everything I asked, you waited so long for me. Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for giving yourself to me this way. I’ve got you, I’ll take good care of you, always, I promise.”

Blaine hummed happily and cuddled closer into Kurt’s arms. But then he blinked suddenly and pulled himself out of his haze all at once. “Are you okay? Is there anything you need, how are you—?”

Kurt smiled. It was so lovely of him to be concerned, but there was no need. “I’m wonderful, Love. Everything is fine, you don’t need to do anything. I’ve got you.”

Blaine cuddled in again, but he was alert now, with no traces of his subspace trance left. Kurt couldn’t help but be a little bit sad at that, but he figured they would have plenty of opportunities to linger in post-sex afterglow in the future. He would make absolutely certain that they had lots of opportunities.

“That was perfect, Kurt,” Blaine said after a few minutes. “Really, really perfect. Thank you.”

Kurt smiled. “I’m so glad. We should go get cleaned up soon, but let’s cuddle a little while longer first.”

Blaine hummed his agreement.

“Will you stay the night?” Kurt asked. Sleeping alone after this was unimaginable.

“There’s school tomorrow…”

Kurt grinned. “I’ll write you a note. ‘Dear Headmaster. Please excuse Blaine’s tardiness today …’ No, scratch that. ‘Please excuse Blaine’s absence today. His new dom had to fuck him into the mattress over and over again. Best wishes, Kurt Hummel.’”

“Oh _really_ ,” Blaine said, arching his eyebrows. “Well, I don’t see how anyone could argue with such an airtight excuse.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a few more minutes, content just to be together without talking. Kurt broke the silence again. “Why was I ever scared of this?”

“You weren’t ready. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to wait until you’re ready.”

Kurt nodded. He supposed that was true.

“And I’m sorry that you didn’t actually get to,” Blaine added. “I mean, before.”

“Well, you didn’t either,” Kurt said.

“Yeah, but I had to and you didn’t.”

Kurt shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s the same thing. It’s just as hard, either way, I think.”

Blaine smiled sadly. “Well, it brought us together, anyway. It can’t be all bad.”

Kurt took his hand and brought it to his mouth. He kissed it gently. “Agreed.”

“Can we shower now? Because I’m totally gross.”

Kurt laughed. “So romantic, Blaine.”

“I love you, too.”

Kurt cast a glance at the bed after they both stood up. The sheets were sticky with come and sweat, probably not beyond repair, but he’d have to make sure to spot-treat them before he threw them in the washer. The bed was more rumpled than he’d ever seen it, the sheets wrinkled and creased and coming off the mattress at one corner. “I suppose there really was no need to iron the sheets,” he mused.

“You ironed the sheets?” Blaine asked, raising one eyebrow and unsuccessfully trying to hide a grin.

Kurt could laugh at himself, he really could. But he blushed at the same time. “Shut up,” he said through his giggles.

“No, I love it,” Blaine said. He gestured around the room at the flowers and the candles, now burnt down low. “It’s beautiful and romantic. All of it. It’s perfect.”

Kurt kissed him on the forehead. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! I'm beyond thrilled at how much attention and love this fic has gotten. I never expected it, and it warms my heart every time someone leaves a comment. You guys are the best, thanks so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed my story.


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